Have you ever been caught in a situation you didn’t know how in the heck you were going to get out of it? Well, worry no longer! A new book called Saving face by Andy Robin and Gregg Kavet is an how to guide on lying, faking and maneuvering your way out of life’s most awkward situations. Below are some situations we know that everyone has had to face at least once and try to get out of, so here are some tactics from this hilarious must-have book.
Breaking up with your hairdresser
Hair styling, along with magazine subscriptions are one of the three largest categories of discretionary spending. And even the snobbiest stylist will concede that food and shelter take precedence over layering and highlighting.
Family loyalties defy logic and explanation. No one can begrudge you from throwing a bone to your brother or sister or cousin, event if they are only minimally qualified. Say, “My kid brother became a hairstylist. He sucks. But, hey, he’s my brother.”
Forgetting a name
Use babe, bud, kid, pal, tiger, friend, lady, bad guy or Miss Thang. The key here is credibility. Gain it by conspicuously using generics on people whose names you obviously know, like wife or boss.
Compensate for the lack of a mental connection by touching, patting, hugging, shaking, kissing or mock fighting.
Where you came from
Tell people you came straight from work. If over-dressed, you’re a high-powered executive. If under-dressed, you’re a creative type: a musician, a sculptor, etc.
Blame your health: “My doctor says I have sclerotic jugular. He told me if I wear a tie, my blood will be on his hands. Literally.” If dresses too formally try, “My Achilles tendon is so frayed, these heels are the only thing keeping my foot attached to my leg. And this gown is the only thing I own that goes with them.”
Feeling obligated to buy from a friend who makes crafts
I can’t decide
Rave about several of your friend’s creations. Then focuses in on two you’re “just crazy about.” But don’t buy either. Deliberate. Mull them over. Ask for photos of each. Describe exactly where the object is going to go in your apartment. Ask for her opinion, but don’t take it. Say you need to consult other friends, your husband and your decorator. Above all, leave. And don’t come back to your friends shop or home until she’s abandoned this horrible sideline.
“Save it for the show”
Pretend to fall in love with a piece. Expound about what a masterpiece it is, how artfully rendered. Etc. But decline to purchase it, claiming it’ll be best to put it in an upcoming exhibition at a gallery or museum. You’re not refusing to buy it; you’re refusing to shortchange her career by selfishly removing it from public circulation.
Yelling our the wrong name during sex
“Get the hell out of here!”
“Get the hell out of here!” as in Jonathan…get the hell out of here!” Immediately turn to your mystified partner and explain: “I saw some in the window. It looked like Jonathan. He’s my old boyfriend. I’m sorry if I startled you, but that creep’s been stalking me.”
After yelling the wrong name, coyly inform your lover it’s your personal name for his penis (or her vagina). An additional benefit. “You are now free to shout the name as much as you like during future sexual activities.”
Saving Face by Andy Robin and Gregg Kavet is available at book retailers nationwide or log-on to www.amazon.com.