Sharon is an indecisive woman. Always has been, and probably always will be. She’s trolled through life as a lady focused solely on her career, with hedonism and gentlemen playing second and third fiddle. Dudes came, and if they interested her enough, they stayed for a while. But it was always a time when a dude would show his true colors, when he would say or do something so utterly ridiculous and stupid that she would have to let him go, which she typically did with ease. This would normally occur sooner, rather than later in the relationship.
That is exactly what did not happen with Darryl, a promising guy with a charming wit and a nonchalant demeanor that wildly attracted Sharon. He was a guy with depth, intriguing women with his guile and range of conversational topics. It also didn’t hurt that he was attractive, tall, and a dapperly dressed gentleman. Sharon and Darryl would get closer, kicking it almost every day, talking endlessly. Soon it would become time for them to separate, for Sharon and Darryl had to go to opposite ends of the nation for business for the next six months. But they agreed to keep in contact.
Soon after settling in, Sharon called Darryl. No response.
A day later, she called again. No pick-up.
Two days later, the same thing.
Surprised and slightly bewildered, she reluctantly crossed Darryl out of her life and moved on.
Two months later, she would meet Devin. Devin was different from any guy that she met. Chivalrous, intelligent, and spiritual, he also had the sharpness of someone who was street savvy. It didn’t take long for them to strike up a match.
Devin was convinced that she was the One. Sharon was being swept away by the emotion of it all, never stopping to allow herself to think about whether Devin was the One for her. She knew she wanted to be with someone of Devin’s likeness, but something in her wasn’t sure. She was fearful, and she needed confirmation. Plus, there was a door that wasn’t closed in her life.
Six months passed and soon, Darryl resurfaced. Though she didn’t know it at the time, this was exactly the reinforcement that Sharon needed. He gave her his spill of why he disappeared, citing uncertainty and distance as the reasons for lost contact. Sharon accepted this “apology,” not for its plausibility as much as its suitability. It was something to give her an escape, a reason to get out of the pressure she was feeling in her current relationship.
A convenient excuse, but an excuse nonetheless…
Devin doesn’t want to hear any of that. It is all an excuse, irresponsible, and downright selfish. So after reconciling what happened, he set off to move on. Women were never hard for him to acquire, so that was a start. Work was also becoming more demanding, so that was another. Between the two, he threw himself into both. This is not to say that he never thought about what he lost. Not an hour went by daily that his ordeal didn’t cross his mind. He told a few people what happened, but he never carried on any further discussions about the pain he was going through.
No other females stood a chance really. The qualities that defined him before – innocence, boyish charm, and affability –were replaced by dark wit, cold-hearted manipulation, and apathy. Strangely enough, these qualities were equally adept at enticing women. But this wasn’t him. He knew it, and like many people who live a life unknown to their self, he suffered an identity crisis. He had to latch on to something stable, something bigger than himself to let him know that what he was going through was small in the grand scheme of things.
He read. He prayed. He talked to other people more. He immersed himself in other issues, becoming an ear and a mouthpiece for those who needed him. In essence, he put aside his troubles to aid in somebody else’s plight. He starting living his life earnestly, slowly realizing that what somebody else did to him shouldn’t affect his self-esteem.
But just when he thought that he was out, he gets that inevitable phone call from the ex…
What not to do after heartbreak:
1. DON’T GO RUNNING YOUR MOUTH TO EVERYONE ABOUT IT. This is self- explanatory. The more people who know about your hurts, the more people you have left open to exploit this. This is not to say be prideful and quarantine yourself from the world, but tell only a few (3 people at most).
2. OPEN ANOTHER DOOR. Don’t immerse yourself with another lover. This is not fair to yourself, the lover, or your future lover: Yourself because your judgment is impaired from hurt and confusion. Your lover because he or she is receiving a fraction of what you can give. Your future lover because they have to deal with more potential baggage that they didn’t cause. The last thing people need is other people’s baggage.
3. NOT FIND A SILVER LINING. It is your obligation to vet out any positives from the experience. If you can’t find it, pray for it. Don’t neglect this. It is perhaps the most important thing you can do. No matter how bleak the situation looks, there is a seed of progression waiting to happen.