The dating game is getting hard. So many of us are beautiful, funny, educated, grounded, artistic and well-versed on many subjects, yet for some reason, most of us are still waiting for Mr. Right to walk in to our lives. That is why your sisters at Clutch have decided to get to the root of this problem by going to the horses mouth—our men! Here we’re highlighting men and giving them a chance to vent on why they are single.
Name/Alias: Bruce J.
Occupation: Senior Creative
So Bruce . . . why are you single? Because I live in Philadelphia! Is that a joke?
When was your last relationship and how long were you two together? 2005, five years.
What do you look for in a woman? Humor, wit, intelligence, and open to new experiences . . . and a small or large appreciation for the arts.
What turns you off? Women who run their chops about themselves too much. No sexy fashion style and getting an attitude when I say I’m watching the American Experience on PBS. I like PBS . . . I don’t clown you guys when Girlfriends is on. It’s a good show. [American Experience] is an hour show; I will call you back geez! (lol)
When you take out a date, do you foot the bill or do you go dutch? Foot the bill. I don’t know what guy wouldn’t.
Where do you usually look or run into potential date material? (Club, work, library) I don’t look, I just let it happen. If it is at work, fine . . . on the train, cool! It doesn’t matter where, but rather yet, when?
Have you ever dated outside your race and did you notice any differences? If so, what? Nope I have not!!! I’m not a black athlete! I love my black women no matter what success might come my way. If only the NBA and the NFL players thought the same way!
As a Black man, what do you love about Black women? Is there anything you don’t like? I love that they are black women! Other then that—skin complexion . . . dark, medium, and so on; body frame—only a black woman can fill out a pair of jeans! Also, I enjoy their points of view on various subjects.
When you think of us (Black women), what’s the first three things that come to mind? Lips, hair, and their drive to become successful in life.
Do you have any physical requirements for a woman? (weight, body type) Nice hips, round buttocks, beautiful lips, and that I don’t have to guess if you are African American or not. 5’5 ,5’7 or 5’8 would be cool. And if you don’t fit that outline fine—I’ve dated women that didn’t fit my “requirements”. If I like you, I like you, if I don’t I will try to let you know early on so no one feels used. Hell, you might not like me and you have to let me know . . . it isn’t a one way street.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, not anymore!
How important is sex to you? With the right person it is the best thing in the world, with the wrong woman then it becomes very important. But again, it isn’t a one way street and communication always seems to be key. I’m still learning, but the more you talk to your woman the more she will understand, and that works in the reverse as well.
What advice would you give to a woman that’s single? Please don’t cross over it really isn’t worth it! They have it all anyway. Why give them more?!
In your opinion, what makes a man want to settle down? Knowing that wherever you go with her you are going to laugh, have fun, and just feel comfortable. There is nothing worse then being involved with someone and you can never be yourself. For me, it is also that look you give us . . that look from across the room without uttering a word. I’m waiting for that look again. It has been awhile.
Do you want to be attached or are you still in your “having fun” phase? I’m dating because that is the only way I can meet that special one. I believe being “attached” is more fun then being single . . . I’m crazy done with that single crap!
Do you believe in marriage? Do you plan on being married one day? Oh, yes! I’ve been fortunate enough to have two parents that are still married, and are very much in love with one another to this day. It’s funny—they (my parents) just emailed me last night to say all of a sudden they decide to drive up to Martha’s Vineyard and stay the week. See that is the hot sh*$ about being in a relationship or marriage. Isn’t the goal to continue dating until you eventually find her? If you are still dating for the sex and sporting a new dime piece on your arm, cool. That’s you. I’ve done that already . . . like ummm. . . when I was 19–30 . . . and guess what? I’m not 19 or 30 anymore. It was fun, but it is over. Way OVER! Marriage is the start to having real fun with your new best friend . . . your wife!
What’s the one mistake you think women and men make in relationships? I think every woman has heard this one before sorry, but don’t pressure the guy into telling you where your relationship might be in five years. I’m not Nostradamus! Oh yeah, did I mention don’t ask that on the first date!
Describe the perfect date.
A long stroll under the Arc de Triumph in Paris . . . yeah, right! Lets get past the first date. I would want to do something that was interactive such as a cooking class together, drinks outside on a nice summer night. I would make reservations at a couple of places just in case the food or atmosphere isn’t her style. I like going to a second restaurant for dessert, and even a third for drinks and hopefully a two way conversation that leads to a second date or if needed a rope to hang myself with if I hear one more story about her ex…GEEZ!
Do you date women with children? Why or why not?
Oh boy here we go . . . buckle up! I’ve been down that road before. If I like the woman enough, I may . . . hold up. I said may still pursue her. But to be honest with you if I don’t want to hear about your ex, I really, really don’t want to hear about Johnny or Suzzie all night long. Sorry, but that is how I feel. But every situation is different. I may be missing out on something very special because I closed off the possibility to see what might really happen. So for now I say no, but lets wait until we cross that bridge.
When dating, how important is her family values to you?
Family values in 2007 what is that? It doesn’t matter to me. Respect your mother and father and you best believe you better respect my parents. With that we should be cool. Don’t go overboard with family values especially if you are still messing around with that married man!
Are you a man scorned? Yup! You can’t tell? But there is nothing I can do about it. I try as hard as it might be not bring those hateful thoughts into a new relationship. Not fair to her.
Do you think the reason you’re single is because of unrealistic standards or possibly your personality? No my standards are not “unrealistic”… I mean when you use a dish wash it out, don’t let it sit in the sink overnight. If I ask you to hold the money for the toll don’t roll your eyes. If we are going to a event… I love you in jeans baby, but you have to wear a dress tonight. It is never that bad, but you get the point. Also how about this… when we are at dinner turn that dam# cell phone off! I don’t know… it sounds like it is me?
Are you accepting date proposals? Yeah!, why the hell why not… sounds like fun!