745804961.jpg I have never truly been shy; in my twenty-seven years on this earth, I can remember many of my most vocal moments before adulthood and much of them included speaking my mind and expressing my opinion. To me, approaching men takes this same kind of mind-set. I do not see myself as the most beautiful and confident individual in my immediate circle, or in my age group, for that matter, but I use what I have and work it rather well. I am a passionate speaker and when I am sincerely set on achieving a specific goal, please know that this will definitely take place. My last “spitting game” episode was quite the fiasco and now that I sit and think about it, I can laugh without hesitation. I tried my hand last year at flashing the pretty smile and whimsy conversation to a Sales Representative for one of the most well known furniture companies in my area (and nationwide) and to say that the outcome turned out to be one not in my favor would be a major understatement. Let me just set the scene for you; I walked into the store, demeanor gauge set to “saucy,” looking sweeter than a plate of biscuits and honey, nodding hellos and how are yous to each representative standing by the doorway. Immediately, I was impressed by this tall, sexy, non-black and brown-eyed male, and from that moment on I said to myself, self, “he is going to be the director for this short tour.” I was happy when he walked over to me and introduced himself, we’ll call him Chad.

Chad and I toured the store and I perused each sectional, loveseat, couch and decorative accessories for a living area. I had an idea of the furniture I wanted; knew the exact color, texture and price range so our conversation lacked none of the basic details needed for the initial meeting. As we continued to discuss my impending purchase with his company, we begin to compliment each other on our presence. I made it known that he was “very handsome,” and from there waited for him to let my words absorb. He countered with “Why, thank you Tre. You’re a sweetheart from what I can tell and very pretty yourself.” Now, I know all of the women reading this knows exactly what the “right” compliment from the “could be right” guy does to one’s confidence level. At that exact moment, I was higher than any space object or aerial figure in flight. I was actually taken aback by this young man and could not believe that he returned the compliment (even though, this is exactly what I was expecting). I saw this as the right moment to ask him out or see if there was anyone special in his life. So, I did: “Thank you. Are you seeing anyone?” I do not think I could have prepared myself for what came next even if I meditated before and drank two mugs of chamomile tea. He looked at me, smiled, then said in a most calming tone, “I am seeing someone and I am gay.” Now, this is not to bash anyone or say that I was beside myself by the remark, this is my recanting of the episode and how I reacted to it.

As I stood there in the very spot next to the mini kiosk where I shared my personal information for the proper credit check, I let the words sink in, “I am seeing someone and I am gay.” I realized this was definitely a TKO for me. The only thing I could muster up was, “Oh, okay. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.” But, the look on my face must have said, “Dude are you kidding me? You have got to be the sexiest eye-candy I have seen in a few years, yet… yet, there is absolutely no chance for me?” I kept my composure. The first thing I told myself was, “complete this transaction and go home with your pride. At least you gave it a try.” This is exactly what I did. It was another experience in which to take mental notes. I took that blow to the chin and pressed on in another direction. I have not approached a man since this day with the intent of asking him out, but I have my eyes set on a young man who lives in my apartment complex who I have casually dubbed, “Laundry boy.” I call him this in the confines of my apartment as I notice him making his laundry rounds to and from the Laundry room which happens to be right under my apartment. He is also tall, handsome, athletically built, and has a rather “quiet” aura about him. I spoke to him twice; once last year a couple of days after I moved into this complex and another time when he was on his way to do laundry. I am plotting the perfect time to approach him and scrutinizing every optional method in my head before I let it evolve. But, when I make my move, I will be prepared and better suited for rejection (if it takes place).

I have shared my experience with you to say this; breaking away from the traditional ways of courting is not as hard as some women may think. I have heard various comments such as, “Oh, I will never approach a guy,” “Girl, you’re better than me, I cannot do it,” or “I am just too scared. What if he says no?” But, we have to remember that men go through the same motions. It is really a toss up as to who will say yes, who will say no, and who is in the position to even acknowledge being courted (i.e. single and available). If you are not willing to seek out your potential mate, research and review at will, and later approach him knowing your intentions, then how will you know if you have succeeded? Take a chance; it could very well be worth it.

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  • First of all, excellent article, Tre.

    Secondly, I totally hear where you’re coming from on this one. I think you’re right, but on a more universal level. Women and men need to start stepping up more and taking that risk, especially if it means sharing the company of someone they’re into.

    When I was a shorty in high school, I was an extremely shy guy. I watched as my cousin tried to “holla” at a girl, only to get ignored, shot-down and flat embarassed. I laughed and clowned him mecrilessly, but he remained stoic.

    Then he said, “Bizza, that’s why you’ve never had a girlfriend. You’re afraid to take chances. You could ask 9 girls out and get dissed 9 times, but the 10th one might say yes. And how would you know, Bizza? You haven’t asked a girl her name since I’ve known you.”

    I’m still shy, but that stuck with me for the rest of my life, and in my adult life, I was more inclined to take that chance and risk rejection.

    Sorry.. didn’t mean to write an article about your article… but I totally get you on this one.

  • Wanda

    I think that article was funny, but you are absolutely right! You might let a good one pass you by if you don’t take that chance. Even when you “think” you can tell if someone is “gay” you will be surprised, as you have found out! ** Especially that whole sterotype…employees of the stock room is straight – sales floor gay…sounds like someone is either in denial and/or is hiding in the stock room, themselves!!**Whether people want to believe it or not…Some men (Metro Sexuals) that a lot of people say don’t exist, know what women want & to me…that’s what women need, someone to understand them! I think that some men are afraid of women taking that first step, but others are intrigued by a women not afraid to go after what they want! People need to understand hings have changed through out the years! This is a learning experience & you will and like Bizza says maybe that next one will say yes!! I also think that Stephanie F may be one of the Stock room employees with wordisbond. Love the article don’t stop writing!!!!! :o)

  • Heather


    I thought the article was very funny and charming. And I just cannot agree with Stephanie. I would have to agree with Addie, things may not always go your way but you have to pick your fanny up and keep trying because you never know who might say yes. Could be the man you have been waiting for. Keep writing Tre’. Love it and look forward to it every month!!!

  • tremaine

    Bizza, Wanda, and Heather, thank you guys for reading. Hey, I’ve gotta lot of energy (and wherewithal) to keep pressing on. “One monkey don’t stop no show.” I’ll keep you guys updated on the “Approaching Men” front. :)