I want to believe that right now at this very moment what I am typing for each of you will mean something; will spark some sort of edge in you that has been locked up for too long, and maybe now is the time for you to set it free. I want to know that before I am laid to rest, before I have taken my very last breath; my living, my learning, my faith and my actions have not been in vain. I want to die peacefully with the forethought, “I have singled out, conquered, and accomplished finding what my purpose in life” was. You are probably wondering why I am seemingly taking this article to a depth that perhaps some of you are not ready to meet at this point, but why not now. For the last few years, I have flitted with my ambitions and toyed with what I truly want out of and in life. I know for a fact that I wish to be stable, hold down a steady and fulfilling job, get married, mother children, see the world, and help others (no matter how little or how big this action is in theory).
What I have found to be the most tedious task is bringing this list of things mentioned above into fruition. I have accomplished both small and big goals set for myself in the past (graduating from high school, graduating from college, publishing a book, and being a role model) and I have set goals to accomplish in the future. The key to goal-setting (in my opinion) is to feel out things that matter most to you in which you know you will definitely succeed because you are going to pour your all and ten times more into getting them accomplished. Once I have set a list of goals for myself, I begin to take subtle action. Sometimes, I need a little boost. Other times, all I actually require is the thought, memory and recollection of things past.
I am not one who is afraid to take chances in life. I have picked up my belongings and moved from one state to another in hopes of making more money, seeing more people, and introducing myself to other cultures and art forms. This has proven to be one of the best decisions I have made in life (to date). I am also focused on making another change in my life soon that will actually aid in helping me save more, remain happy with my job, and later move out of this great state of North Carolina. I like to think of life as a learning tool. It is given to us so that we can make mistakes, document those same mistakes, and then learn from them. If we are stuck in the line of continuously circling about those same mistakes like a revolving door, then what are we learning? I have been thinking about my purpose. Why am I here? To whom must I satisfy (other than myself of course)? How big does my voice need to get to show the world I exist? I do not dote on a lot of attention or a spotlight (if you will), nor do I require my very own soapbox; so…what must be done for my theories, concepts, words, and thoughts to be felt, absorbed, and taken seriously? This, my dear people is what I am working on now. I want to be known not for the things I have done, but for the person I am. I want to live on even after I am dead. I want to be legendary. But, if this isn’t a part of my purpose, will it bloom?
Who gives us purpose? When do we find it? How do we obtain it? Is purposeful living greater than non-purposeful living? Who sets these standards? I do not have the answers to any of the questions above, I just know that I have a deep, intimate connection with thinking I am *here* for a reason. You may or may not agree with me. You may or may not feel the same. But, I live every second of my life knowing that tomorrow could not arrive. With this line of thinking, in essence, every day I am dying. So, I do not want to say I rush myself into achieving all of my goals, but I push myself with the constant reminder that there has to be a greater ending (or beginning) ahead. The journey that I will probably take to complete some of the things that are wedged deep into my soul will be a long and dreadful one. But, the outcome, the outcome will live on forever. When I have passed on and no longer connect or exist with the living, I want my tombstone to read, “Here lies a woman who lived, learned, and knew her purpose in life. May she rest in peace.” I have a purpose, I just haven’t found it yet.