Good day Ladies and Gents! Can you believe it’s AUGUST already? It’s been a whole month and we’ve been itching to GO IN on celeb fashion for your pleasure. While some celebs have stepped up their summer swagger by gracing the red carpets and mean streets with chic silhouettes, there are others that make us wonder “Do your friends hate you? They cosigned that and let you go out of the house?” That’s a shame. We’re also going on a Rihanna hiatus – frankly, we’re tired of repeating ourselves and her not listening. So let’s get to it!
Kristy: This outfit is a perfect lesson in minimalism and simplicity. In this white mini-dress paired with a GORGEOUS pair of shoes and light accessories – hoops and glowing skin – Gabby is the quintessential beautiful brown gal in the summer. And the dress has pockets *sigh* – thank you designers, especially Versace’s 2008 Fall and Winter line, for collectively jumping on THAT bandwagon.
Filthy: Yeah I can’t even front like I have something bad to say. She looks gorgeous.
Kristy: Papi, mira! She looks like a 15-year-old island girl hanging out in a resort hotel lobby scouting for a foreign sugar daddy.
Filthy: Is she wearing a Wet Seal tube top as a skirt??
Kristy: Could be. Could be not. Who’s to say?
Kristy: Oh my. Get this girl some chocolate covered espresso beans or a nap – STAT. Or maybe she’s just withering beneath that thick, hot ass pink scarf around her neck. She’s making me hot just looking at her.
Filthy: Why does she have that “rent’s due and I ain’t got the money” look on her face??
Kristy: Who? I have to Google this gal.
Filthy: Doesn’t she sing that song Blackout with Snoop?
Kristy: Oh. Too bad her grown woman jumper worked out about as well as that single did… whomp whoooomp.
Filthy: It looks like she made this jumper from Isaac Mizrahi Target bed sheets.
Kristy: She looks like Vanna Black. Between the ultra-white veneers, weave, nose job and boob upgrade and now rocking these lounge singer outfits posing with a Lotus, I think Ms. Hovito might need to have a “come to Jesus” meeting with Ms. Rowland.
Filthy: She’s starting to act like that girl who couldn’t go to parties in high school cause her parents were super strict. So as soon as she left for college she started acting out .. going to kegs, getting tattoos, taking photos in leopard prints and hot pink shoes on top of some frat boys “hot car” .. come on Kelly, you’re cuter than that.
Filthy: Wow. Is that a silk or satin leotard over some white pants? Please tell me I’m wrong.
Kristy: I can’t, babe. Victoria’s Secret just had their semi-annual sale and I think it’s a nightie from the PINK collection. Oh Vivie…
Kristy: The print on this dress looks like the doorway to a magical hot pink dimension. My Little Ponies and Care Bears live there. And… is that… is that an ANKLET?
Filthy: It’s a lava lamp dress!
Kristy: I wonder if that matchy-matchy purse/scarf thing came with a belt and shoes? Camouflage couture is NOT cute.
Filthy: I’m just mad that we can’t really tell if the outfit itself looks good cause of all the camo in the way.
Kristy: This looks like one of the outfit options that come with Hot Mess Barbie. Even the shoes. You get a free set of pink balloons with proof-of-purchase.
Filthy: She TERRIFIES me. She looks like she’s killed before.
Kristy: Interesting how she rigged up a pile of laundry to hang like a skirt.
Filthy: Sad .. from the waist up she looks like a Prime Minister, from the waist down she looks like static cling.
Kristy: Aww, she looks pretty in pink – like a big Hubba Bubba bubble. Remember Hubba Bubba?
Filthy: I loved Hubba Bubba. I kind of like this too .. the glowing skin won’t let me hate this. I love the summer months, Black and Brown women just get golden and shimmering.
Kristy: First of all, dogs have 4 legs for a reason. Number B, let her hairline be a lesson to my weave-wearin’ sistren – give your hair a minute to rest or your hairline will put a restraining order out on your forehead. Letter 3, is there ever a good time for leopard leggings? NO.
Filthy: The green sandals, pink bag, leopard tights combo is hilarious. But not as funny as the fact that we’re talking about Blu Cantrell in 2008. Are jheri curls making a comeback too?
Kristy: Alright, this is some 9th grade nonsense here. Matching fabric, color and draping?
Filthy: Oh but why do they look like Whoopi Goldberg’s waitresses at that Star Trek bar?
Kristy: That said, they’re both pretty hot.
Kristy: She is too cute, I love all that hair! The devil’s in the details here – the buttons and piping make these jeans awesome.
Filthy: Are those Vans slip ons she’s rocking? Kind of tomboy-ish, kind of girly .. very cute.
Kristy: I actually like this outfit, especially with the accessories… okay all except that Auntie Pearl necklace and the Beatles haircut.
Filthy: She’s looking a bit Crypt Keeper in the face, no?
Kristy: Now see… she was doing good and then this. If there is one thing I hate, it’s peep toe boots. They irk me to NO end.
Filthy: She has that whole ‘auntie who is too old but won’t let go of her youth’ thing going.
Filthy: Okay, I love Sanaa and I think she’s gorgeous, but why does her dress look like the graphics on the opening credits for Saved by the Bell?
Kristy: When I wake up in the morning, my alarm gives out a warning, and my dress looks like I made it last night!
Kristy: She looks… disheveled. Like she ran to the red carpet in such a rush that she forgot to put her pants back on or fix her bed head.
Filthy: She looks like she’s going to spend the entire night tugging at the bottom of her dress.
Filthy: This is how I’d dress if I was a lady. Classic.
Kristy: This outfit is strangely reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn, which I like. But her bag is reminiscent of Boxcar Willie’s lunchbox… which I kinda like too.
Filthy: Yep! Very Hepburn.
Filthy: I’m about ready to burst at the overuse of leggings. And while she wears it well I’m not a fan of the Solid Gold Dancer top. Can we start scaling back on the era revival outfits?
Kristy: Remember the Asian lady with the long hair from Soul Train? This outfit is from her closet.
Filthy: I’m so confused. What’s happening here?
Kristy: She realized she LOOKS as ridiculous as a grown woman being called Deelishis SOUNDS and decided to distract the photogs with a random ass bowling ball.
Kristy: I love this dress and she looks great in it! Jack from J*Davey recently wore some pieces from designer Maya Lake’s Boxing Kitten line at a show here in NYC and looked loverly.
Filthy: Rashida always looks great. She has a ridiculous sense of style.
Kristy: I love the mix of the bold prints with vintage silhouettes.