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newclutchlogoblackOK. I tried to avoid presenting a relationship-oriented piece this Friday, but when I stumbled upon an amusing article from Yahoo personals, I couldn’t resist. I have one question: Ladies, what is up with the “nice guy”? In other words, what is it about us that have such a difficult time embracing the good guy (Mr. Right) vs. the not-so good guy (Mr. Wrong)?

I’ll use myself for example. I had this great friend in college. Handsome, smart, focused, honest, just an all around good guy. He liked me – but always treated me with respect, and never took advantage of, or exploited, my trust in him. While I recognized all these wonderful traits in my dear friend, he never managed to get my juices flowing. Even the thought of trying to get romantic with the fella put one of those automatic expressions on my face – you know the one that looks like you just imagined something really monstrous.

Looking back, I have to wonder why I could barely fathom the idea of getting serious with such a great guy. Was I too immature to be with a guy that upstanding? Did I develop too much brotherly love for ole boy? Or does the scintillating rush of dating a dude with an edge trump the security that an honorable trustworthy gentleman can provide?

The piece that inspired this particular tirade stated these four reasons for why cats like my buddy – we’ll call him “Mike” – may have a harder time getting involved than the guys who are officially classified as jerks:

1. He’s so nice, he can only be a friend
2. He’s so nice, he’s not challenging enough
3. He’s so nice, he’ll always be there
4. He’s too nice, you can’t trust him

Somewhere within my dating lifespan, I’ve been able to relate to all of these excuses reasons, but numbers 2 and 3 speak to me the most. I think nice guys are supreme, trust me, but please don’t bore me to death. Cop an attitude from time to time, or let’s have a healthy debate, because there’s nothing more annoying than a yes man (or a desperate one, for that matter). And to point #3, I admit being guilty of making the mistake of thinking that the nice guy will always be there when once you realize that the not-so nice guys aren’t worth the energy it takes to even look their way. Case in point: My dear friend “Mike” is now happily married to a woman who hopefully recognizes how lucky she is.

At the end of the day, you’re going to like whoever turns you on. Navigating the dating scene can be stressful, but it can also be an excellent means for you to discover who you are and the kind of man who will compliment you. So next time you’re faced with the debate as to whether you should give the nice guy the time of day, take a little extra time to consider the outcome.

And…..Happy Friday Clutchettes!

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  • Anita

    cosign Debt Hater and d

    There is nothing wrong with nice, but a lot of people don’t actually know what that means. Being utterly spineless and letting people walk all over you is not nice. Nor are men who would be jerks if they weren’t afraid of the consequences, so they pretend to be nice instead. And telling a guy you don’t want to date him because “he’s too nice” for you is hardly ever true, so don’t tell him that. I’m not saying be totally honest and reveal that he’s boring and it would be like kissing your dad, just don’t drop the n-bomb on him (since it’s still not true)

    And just because a guy is a great, nice guy doesn’t automatically mean every woman in the world should want him because he’s so great. Just because the author didn’t like “Mike” doesn’t mean he’s doomed to be alone. Taste in men is like taste in food; just because you can’t imagine scarfing down a big ol’ healthy bowl of Swiss chard doesn’t mean I won’t eat the hell out of that (did this analogy just get wierd? seriously though, chard is delicious) If a guy is truly and honestly nice, he’ll find someone that appreciates that.

    • Come On

      “Nor are men who would be jerks if they weren’t afraid of the consequences, so they pretend to be nice instead.”

      Right? I think many of the trolls on the internet are guys that go around calling themselves nice guys in real life.

      Guys say that women want a nice guy, but when they’re nice, women don’t want it. It’s mostly about that when a nice guy befriends or takes her on a date, she doesn’t want to be mean and say “I’m not attracted to you” or “You’re boring. We have nothing in common” or “I am not interested in you romantically, but you are a good friend.” So she will say “You’re a nice guy” or “Let’s just stay friends.” Your being nice is not the reason she doesnt want you. It’s because she’s not interested in you romantically. I mean the majority of men in relationships seem to be decent guys not bad boys and thugs. Where do these “nice guys” hang out if this is all they see?

      How would men feel if they were told to date or marry women just because the woman is nice? She may be unattractive. She may be boring, bus she’s nice. I’m sure they wouldn’t like it.

      Honestly, women being able to work and pay their own way has made them more likely to go after what they want. I think in the past, a “nice guy” would be considered a catch and good enough for dependent women, but I think now both men and women are more likely to go looking for romance, looks, and charisma which can be a problem for some of these “nice guys.”

  • I’m currently debating whether or not I should give the “nice guy” in my life chance to be my one & only…. but to be honest, I think we’d only work out as friends :(

  • J Anderson

    I’m with Anita – it may not be you don’t like nice guys, it’s just this nice guy isn’t the one for you. :)

  • C Walker

    I completely agree with a few of the other posts… sometimes the nice guy just isnt the one thats right for you. Provided he can challenge you and be interesting, there is nothing at all wrong with him.

  • Rita

    There’s nothing wrong with a nice man. There is something wrong with a Nice Guy – men who feel entitled to a woman simply because they’re nice to her. In fact, a lot of times they’re ONLY being nice to her because they’re interested in her romantically or for sex – when she expresses that she’s not going to date them, they immediately stop being nice or friendly.
    Men, being nice is the bare minimum. You’re a nice guy? Great! But so are many other men. Being nice doesn’t make you special, or make you entitled to the woman you’re being nice to in any way shape or form. I’ll be your friend, if you’re a genuinely nice person, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to fall in love with you just because you’re nice to me.