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85643665All is fair in love and war, but does that ever make it ok to date a friends ex? Why not? After all love is a losing game, and if your loser ex and loser so called friend, think they have the right chemistry for real romance, why not let them be? Misery does love company. How do you cope when someone you confided in took all of your heart pouring and used it to scoop up your leftovers? This itself is painful in its own right. But an ex is an ex. Once you’ve decided you’re done with the relationship, it’s no longer your concern what or who your last love does.

But What if He’s the One?
Most people who are looking for love are willing to take it any way they can find it. The best rationalization is, “what if this person who I know should technically be off limits to me really is my one true love?” When it comes to true love, whatever that is, it doesn’t have to be forced or coerced. It will happen on its own. This is the most common cop out by the shady individual who needs a reason to swoop in before the breakup dust has even settled. When a couple goes bust both parties usually have to carry some responsibility for why this relationship came to an untimely demise.

Lean on Me
However, the realization a friend of yours has just completely decimated their former lover at an emotional level, makes it hard not to evaluate if you yourself would be a better selection for a mate. This is usually how it goes down. Couple breaks up; Party A is a straight dog and has broken Party B’s heart. Party C has been a silent observer for so long; they more than likely have affection for both involved. Yet, they are realistic about the fact Party A is an asshole and B didn’t deserve to be bludgeoned. So now Party C is offering comfort to a very fragile Party B who is unquestionably on the rebound, questioning every relationship decision they’ve ever made, and can’t help but be vulnerable to an available shoulder to cry on. Next thing you know Party’s B and C are an item.

Statute of Limitations/Access Granted
Time not only heals all wounds but ends all lingering after effects of the breakup. If the couple broke up in ’99 and its 2011, there is no reason why anyone should have a problem these two are now trying to give love a go. There is no solid expiration date but it seems 6-18 months is a legitimate amount of time to move in after your friend has moved on. If your dating style includes being Captain Save ‘em, meaning you look for the damsel in distress, or can’t help but be drawn to the injured and the broken hearted because your fatal flaw is that you must feel needed, (and who is more in need then someone mending a shattered heart) the best and most honorable way to proceed is to be forthright with your friend and let them know you’re going in after. If you feel so compelled straight up ask for their permission. What makes an already awkward situation avoid escalating to complete betrayal is ibeing 100% upfront about the fact that you’re interested in the ex. Give your friend the opportunity to express how they feel. Perhaps your friend will give you the all clear, or alert you to some very absurd behavior like the biting of toenails, allowing you to truly consider if getting in with the last love is really your best move.

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  • Harlem Chic

    This is a touchy one..I say give it space. Time will tell if you are meant to be with that person..If the person is family or like family I definitly say off limits. It’s not worth the hurt it will cause.

  • Nikia

    in my opinion, there are way too many men in the world to settle for your friend’s ex…..in the case of it being many years, or decades after the fact and the couple wasnt together an extremely long time or have any kids, I would ask…..but at the same time, I would pretty much be turned off knowing that they dated someone I was still cool with…I’m just a loyal person…to me, dating your friends ex is just selfish as hell….unless they give the OKAY, I think ppl should stay away….not to mention, if they try to get at the ex fairly quickly, I would assume they werent loyal to me at all & that they probably had something going on prior to the demise of the relationship….or at the very least, been having “thoughts” about mine while we were together….just trifling.

  • Very Useful! And what about being the one in the middle. Your ex (More than 10 years ago, for 3 years) and his bestfriend… Good relation with ex, great pal/Important story. And after that many years attracted by his bestfriend… Which was a good friend then and now finally meeting again, since few months? I mean… We’ve known each other for so long! i’m afraid “loyalty” goes in the way (… or maybe simply not attracted to me!)… Isn’t 10 yrs enough??? :-)