If there was an extra “t” at the end of the word “but”, I would expect your answer to be something I rather not write. But since I’m referring to the reasons we women use to excuse unacceptable behavior from ourselves and others, I expect an honest answer from you.
Our use of the word “but” has become so popular it’s almost like second nature to include it in any given conversation. We’ve become so conditioned to speak to the contrary of our words we seldom realize that we are our worst enemy. It doesn’t matter what we are discussing or considering – going back to school, purchasing a home, ending a relationship or following a life long dream – we always seem to have a “but” after we declare what we want and deserve. We more so use the term when we defend others unacceptable behaviors towards us. For some reason we believe there is a theory and/or excuse on why others mistreat us. I understand as women we are emotional and have the unique ability to psychoanalyze other’s behaviors but we can not allow that quality to harm nor hold us back. By “butting” ourselves and others we create a life full of would haves, should haves or could haves which can ultimately lead to regret and disappointment.
Could you live with a “but” that is so big, it can make your world flat and stagnant? Or even worse, unhealthy and painful? Although it’s normal and somewhat fair to consider alternatives and options or giving people the benefit of the doubt, we must be careful not to confuse that with excuses and “buts”. We must realize that our voice is powerful and if we constantly express words of doubt and excuses, our lives will naturally manifest into just that.
To combat this “but” problem, we must first exercise our ability to believe in ourselves and be confident that we can accomplish anything we put our minds to. Second, we must begin to accept people for who they are, not who we want them to be. And lastly, we have to begin to live and build for our futures instead of always looking behind (no pun intended) at our past and using it as an excuse. It’s ironic that as black women, we are expected to have big “buts” (both in the literal sense and my case in point) whether we have them or not. Let’s stop allowing these stereotypes to exist and begin learning how to cut out all the excuses, exceptions, reservations and objections that we allow to control our destiny. Let’s begin to put ourselves first and make our goals priorities in our lives. Let’s make it a habit to put action to our aspirations; movements to our motivations and a push to our passions. Let’s start kicking some “buts”!!
Note – Please count how many times I used the word “but”. Is it safe to say I have a big one?