indiaarieAs I listen to the words of India Arie’s Wings of Forgiveness I realize just how trite those hateful text messages and accusatory arguments with my ex-boyfriend were. Two years have passed since then and I find myself reflecting privately on the relationship that hurt me significantly. Without pining, I think of the good and bad with a better understanding of who he was when our relationship ended.

India’s melodic voice serenades my tattered soul as I uncover the facts about our failed bond: I met him in summer, we fell in love by fall and I was heartbroken and alone just in time for New Year’s Eve.


“Spent so much time trying to be right that I was dead wrong.”

Indignity brought me to tears but I mustered up the strength to call off my search for the two survivors in my derailed relationship. I could only rescue myself – the wayward traveler who left home without a sense of direction or a compass. I’d become so enthralled with my boyfriend that I forgot about my dreams and aspirations.

“If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors surely I can forgive you for your passion.”

Many nights I contemplated calling him for answers; I wanted and thought I needed closure to move on. As luck would have it, those calls were never returned and answers remained untold. I was surviving but still afraid to admit that I could stand on my own two feet and move on while forgiving us both.

“You’re only human.”

Cyclical evolutions are apparent in our lives: you give and you receive, you forgive and you forget, you live and you die. Life is filled with tumultuous ups and downs but that’s the beauty of it.

“If Gandhi can forgive persecution surely you can forgive me for being so petty.”

Like many others, I’ve been dealt some pretty harsh blows but the reassuring fact was that it’s never more than I am capable of handling. Sure, people defy logical reasoning everyday and it besmirches our perception of love but we can’t point fingers, self-blame or cry rivers now can we?

“I’m only human.”

We can only hold one another accountable for being human. Flawed creations that play the cards dealt to the best of their ability.

“Found the game of love is not about how much you can take. In fact authentic love is about how much you can give.”

As India’s song comes to an end, I smile. I’m nowhere near ready to date again but I know the hardships I’ve endured taught me how to forgive for my own sanity. In the larger scheme of things, these time lapses spent involved with others make us all better humans – if we allow it to.

Stockpiles of ancient keepsakes leaves little room for new mementos so instead of resting in the unforgiving purgatory of relationship failures, let’s revel in the fact that we have lived to see another day. And while we admit that there are a few bruises, we are never broken.

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