If I were to ask every single woman on earth if she desires to be married one day, the answer would be an undeniable yes. But, is marriage a reality for all, or are some of us destined to be single for life? The reason I ask is because CNN’s Black in America: Reclaiming the Dream aired a few weeks ago, and I heard one of the most profound statements, that made my ears perk up like a puppy dog.
“It goes to the issue of self-esteem because we’ve sort of glamorized that everybody is supposed to be married, when that’s not the case, even from a biblical standpoint. There are people who may just have to be single.” –Judge Penny Brown Reynolds
Upon hearing the controversial comment, I took it at face value –not everyone will get married in this lifetime. Whether you agree with or want to believe Judge Reynolds’ take on marriage, she makes valid points that warrant further exploration. After delving deeper into this notion, it struck me as another taboo topic that African American women must face. There are black women who will never experience matrimony. Today’s single woman boasts with pride and assurance that a higher power is in control and will send her the right man at the right time. Others attest to living a pious lifestyle, practicing such disciplines as celibacy, abstinence, and patience. But, once the realization is made that you may never know what it’s like to say ‘I do,’ will that inner confidence be enough to sustain your human existence without a life-long partner or sexual intimacy?
Judge Reynolds is merely trying to open our eyes and minds to a bigger picture:
* Think beyond the designer dress, lavish ceremony, and oversized reception.
* There are accounts of women in the bible who were never married, thus, history will repeat itself.
* Take a look at yourself and the people around you and you will find at least one single woman raising a family by herself.
Women are quick to justify why they are single, often confessing …
“I’m picky, and won’t settle.”
“I have high standards.”
“I’m consumed with work, and don’t have time to date.”
“I’ve got my guard up on love, because I’m too scared of getting hurt.”
When you take into consideration the laws of the universe, we are humanly responsible for who we attract in our lives. So when I hear women say these things, it’s obvious they don’t understand the greater extent to the rule; words speak life. Instead of attracting what they desire, they get the complete opposite. Look at it this way. If you are picky, he is too, so why should he settle. You have high standards, so does he, and you may not meet his criteria. At this rate, inevitably, you will never cross paths with your potential mate.
My wish for this piece is not to shatter your hopes and dreams, but to help you understand that being a single woman who has great qualities doesn’t mean you will walk down the aisle. Unfortunately, there’s no surefire way to get a ring on your finger, and no such thing as a crystal ball to look ahead, only time will tell if you are meant to be married or single.