si151935A mother warns you about boys as a little girl. When you become an adult, she schools you on men. But what she forgot to mention is, his “other” side.

As if dealing with another human being and the numerous issues within your relationship wasn’t hard enough, I have come to realize what a lot of women will find out sooner or later –your man has more than one side. You know, kind of like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He portrays a good boy persona to get you, but his bad boy alter-ego eventually comes to light. I’ve observed many instances where women don’t really know their man. They never knew this other character existed before that one argument or incident reveals the real man behind the mask. Upon this revelation, these women utter, “I don’t know this person.” Or “This is not the man I married.”

It’s all honky dory in the beginning when they first meet the man who they “believe to be” the man of their dreams, only later to find out he’s more of a nightmare.

When I hear or see these occurrences, it makes me think of all the women out there who walk into relationships unaware of what they have gotten themselves into. It’s all honky dory in the beginning when they first meet the man who they “believe to be” the man of their dreams, only later to find out he’s more of a nightmare. It bothers me that most women have no idea their boyfriends/husbands turn into a completely different person when they’re not around them. I estimate 85% of men are more open and free to be themselves around their boys, or other people whom they’re comfortable with letting their guard down. Naïve women fail to recognize this and are clueless to what their man is like outside of home.

If a man doesn’t feel at ease being who he really is around you, it speaks volumes to how he truly feels about you. It’s apparent he senses the need to put up a façade. He isn’t confident in your ability to handle the truth, so if that trust factor is missing, that’s a serious problem. If the woman who claims to love him can’t accept him, flaws and all, what’s the point? Learn to fully embrace your man, and allow him the freedom to be upfront with you about any issues or concerns he may have. Otherwise, you are creating a monster and don’t even know it. He will distance himself from you and all communication will cease, leading him to seek what’s he’s lacking elsewhere, thus, leading a double life –lying, cheating, among other immoral acts.

He should consider you a HomieLoverFriend, like R. Kelly sang about in the 90s. The ultimate relationship for a man is when he can kick it with his woman at the club or ball game, like homies; explore his sexual fantasies with you as his lover; confide in you his fears and heart’s desires as friends. This type of openness creates a certain security and bond between you that can’t be easily broken. We’ve all heard the expressions, “Ride or Die,” “Down like two flat tires,” and “Down Ass Chick.” Every man wants to be able to classify his relationship in such a way that signals his woman has his back no matter what.

Take into consideration that “your” man is still a man. Just because he’s with you doesn’t mean he stops thinking, talking, and acting like one. If you’re not prepared for the good, bad, and ugly sides of the truth that comes with the opposite sex, then you’re going to be in for a rude awakening. When women learn to better understand men, it will be much easier to coexist with them. Or in the words of author Harvey, “Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady.

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