si151935A mother warns you about boys as a little girl. When you become an adult, she schools you on men. But what she forgot to mention is, his “other” side.

As if dealing with another human being and the numerous issues within your relationship wasn’t hard enough, I have come to realize what a lot of women will find out sooner or later –your man has more than one side. You know, kind of like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He portrays a good boy persona to get you, but his bad boy alter-ego eventually comes to light. I’ve observed many instances where women don’t really know their man. They never knew this other character existed before that one argument or incident reveals the real man behind the mask. Upon this revelation, these women utter, “I don’t know this person.” Or “This is not the man I married.”

It’s all honky dory in the beginning when they first meet the man who they “believe to be” the man of their dreams, only later to find out he’s more of a nightmare.

When I hear or see these occurrences, it makes me think of all the women out there who walk into relationships unaware of what they have gotten themselves into. It’s all honky dory in the beginning when they first meet the man who they “believe to be” the man of their dreams, only later to find out he’s more of a nightmare. It bothers me that most women have no idea their boyfriends/husbands turn into a completely different person when they’re not around them. I estimate 85% of men are more open and free to be themselves around their boys, or other people whom they’re comfortable with letting their guard down. Naïve women fail to recognize this and are clueless to what their man is like outside of home.

If a man doesn’t feel at ease being who he really is around you, it speaks volumes to how he truly feels about you. It’s apparent he senses the need to put up a façade. He isn’t confident in your ability to handle the truth, so if that trust factor is missing, that’s a serious problem. If the woman who claims to love him can’t accept him, flaws and all, what’s the point? Learn to fully embrace your man, and allow him the freedom to be upfront with you about any issues or concerns he may have. Otherwise, you are creating a monster and don’t even know it. He will distance himself from you and all communication will cease, leading him to seek what’s he’s lacking elsewhere, thus, leading a double life –lying, cheating, among other immoral acts.

He should consider you a HomieLoverFriend, like R. Kelly sang about in the 90s. The ultimate relationship for a man is when he can kick it with his woman at the club or ball game, like homies; explore his sexual fantasies with you as his lover; confide in you his fears and heart’s desires as friends. This type of openness creates a certain security and bond between you that can’t be easily broken. We’ve all heard the expressions, “Ride or Die,” “Down like two flat tires,” and “Down Ass Chick.” Every man wants to be able to classify his relationship in such a way that signals his woman has his back no matter what.

Take into consideration that “your” man is still a man. Just because he’s with you doesn’t mean he stops thinking, talking, and acting like one. If you’re not prepared for the good, bad, and ugly sides of the truth that comes with the opposite sex, then you’re going to be in for a rude awakening. When women learn to better understand men, it will be much easier to coexist with them. Or in the words of author Harvey, “Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady.

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  • @mikilikemouse

    No, it simply means you don’t understand me, which is perfectly fine! I’m a rare breed, sweetie. So don’t hurt yourself trying to figure me out, ’cause you won’t. Either you get it or you don’t! I don’t live off that same ole gibberish so many women have been stuck on for years. It’s a new day and time! I’m just sharing my advice from my perspective, which I can do as a writer! God made me unique for a reason. That’s why my name is Tameka Jo! Thanks for the motivation, though, ’cause you are fuel to my fire!

  • Monique

    @ Tameka- Its not that we dont understand you, i know exactly what you are trying to say…its just that the article twists and turns to another direction…the “words” and “phrases” you use are misleading…i say this because i just got out of an emotional and verbally abusive and controlling relationship( so controlling and unhealthy that he would just show up unannounced anywhere…and showed up at my house recently (9 months after the break up) UNANNOUNCED..but i digress..) He would always point the finger at me for his actions…Basically he had an upbringing where he saw a very tense unhealthy relationship with his parents, so he is a product of his environment(which is no excuse) and he even told me this…Now i was 20 when i began a relationship with him…i stayed in it for 3+ years because i was trying to accept his “flaws and all”…I kept telling myself to be that ride or die chick(that ride or die attitude was wrongly understood by me THEN) ….. BUT his flaws and all were cutting me down and degrading me as a woman…his flaws and all were a poor example for our future children(that we would have had if married) and there never was an issue with him showing himself to me…I saw all sides because he was comfortable enough as an individual to show them….BUT HIS FLAWS AND ALL…his immaturity his lack of character…were unacceptable behavior for a man….THE FUNNY THING IS that after i broke it off and explained to him why I had to even tho i didn’t want to he said “You are making me out to be a monster”(it just was funny to me that u used such terminology) I guess we will just have to disagree I guess what it really is, is that you are talking about a “piece of a man” because “MEN” in the fullest sense who have grown to maturity in all aspects of life are not going to have the “pattern” of behavior that you are describing in this article…hey your opinion is your opinion..but when Steve was talking about his book he was also saying women need to realize they ARE ladies and should demand such treatment…and I emphasize that a healthy minded man is not gonna hide who he is…we are all adults and most of us realize that “the roses really smell like poopoo”..and me personally the different elements make my man more real…but Ms. Tameka, relationships need serious WORK from both sides. AND IF WE AINT ACTING RIGHT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP how immature and childish it is to point the finger at our loved one. NO… (but its all good. Good article, you got folks talking)

  • Oh Lordhamercy. There’s a such attitude called self-righteousness. Look it up! That wasn’t hard to figure out. I’d say you were simple and easy; with your thinly veiled argument, blaming womyn for a man’s actions.

  • Tameka Jo

    I commend you for sharing your story and leaving a bad situation that wasn’t in your best interest. I would advise any woman to evaluate her situation like you did, and do what is right for them.

    I totally respect everyone’s opinion, and just because a person disagrees with my article, it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It’s not about right and wrong. It’s about each individual having their own mind, life experiences, and ideas … and choosing to express or share them however they please. In my case, I choose to share mine through writing!

    For the record, my piece has nothing to do with blaming women for a man’s actions (even though I used some “male” terminology or words that women may have heard from men in their relationships). I am in no way suggesting that women should be used or treated like a doormat by men. I’m a woman myself. So it sounds crazy for people to imply that I’m against women, because I’m not.