bldjw_042709_016This is a topic I am sure every Black woman has had at one point or another with their group of girlfriends. You are walking down the street and see this GORGEOUS Black man and all you can think is, “He is definitely someone I want to get to know”. As you move in closer you then see a White woman appear. She goes up to the man and gives him a passionate kiss and alarms just go off in your head. You walk away upset and proceed to call your best friend and claim, “Once again, he ended up with a white girl”.

The question is not whether this feeling is wrong or right, but rather why do some (if not most) Black women feel this way?

For some, we grew up with the notion that Black Love is Beautiful. To see two African Americans madly in love with each other radiants a kind of glow that can’t be described nor duplicated. But as we grew older, that notion began to go out of the window. We instead were bombarded by the many devastating statistics of Black men who are either in jail, dead beat fathers or lacking a quality education. Despite all these calculations, there were still a decent number of successful Black women who believed in their Black counterpart and wanted to keep the notion that “Black Love is Beautiful” alive. It is then upsetting and hurtful when you do see or meet a Black man who did not fall prey to being a number of the various negative statistics, and he chooses to be with a White woman. It is not to say that the love the two people share is not as real or strong as any other love, but it’s the REASONS given by Black men that hurt the most.

Going back to the time of slavery or more recently the Civil Rights era, if a Black man was even caught looking at a white woman with the slightest bit of desire, he was killed in the most gruesome way (Emmet Till). This is because the White woman was thought of as the pinnacle of true beauty and a Black man was not worthy enough to even cast his eyes on her. It is a shame today when I have had some Black men tell me that it is a badge of honor to be with a White woman. A certain level of respect and admiration comes with it and all I can think is, “Shouldn’t that just be the case when you have ANY beautiful, intelligent and successful woman on your arm?” This is especially true of men who reach a certain level of notoriety. For some reason when a Black man gets money, a White woman is the next thing to obtain. It is though our Black men are telling us that we are not good enough to be with once they have reached a certain level of success.

Then, there is the reason that we all hear over and over again that, “Black women are too independent.” I have read numerous books and publications where Black men have stated they prefer to be with a woman of another race (particularly White) because they are less aggressive and understand the true meaning of submission. In one aspect I agree that some very successful and powerful Black women don’t know how to let their man be a man while still maintaining their own independence, but to use this as an excuse to NEVER seriously date a Black woman is ludicrous. I recall in the movie “The Brothers” when Bill Bellamy’s character claimed that he was done with all Black women because we were “crazy”. Later on he dates a White woman who turns out to be just as crazy if not crazier. The point is that a woman is a woman and all of the negativity associated with being with a Black woman is not merited and EXTREMELY unfair. There is a very distorted message being sent that in order to have a stable and happy life with a person, one must go outside of their race.

According to 2007 census data, Black women and Asian men are the least likely groups to date outside of their race. Most Black women claim it is because of the history of racism and loyalty to their culture that prohibits them of imagining a relationship with non-Black men. But now it seems as though even Black women are dashing Black men to the side and dating more White men. It is funny because then I would hear Black men getting upset at the sight of this, but in all actuality, why should we remain loyal when you have readily abandoned your Black queen in an attempt to raise your socio-economic status?

So why are Black women so mad???? Another viewpoint is that because we are not particularly attracted to men outside of our race, we don’t understand why the Black man is so in awe of the White woman. In his comedy show, “Kill The Messenger”, Chris Rock jokingly stated that Black women are really mad at ourselves because we don’t have the same desires for others outside of our race the way our men do. I personally feel that the anger comes from a combination of all of the notions explained here.

The point is, again, not to point the finger of blame, but rather to grasp a better understanding as to why this is such a sensitive topic for Black women. Love is color blind, which means that NO ONE should stray away from a race (particularly their own) due to statistics or stereotypes that doesn’t describe the entirety of that demographic.

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