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200206972-002It’s a Saturday night, around 11:00 p.m. to be exact, when I receive a text message from a guy friend telling me how his “marriage is hell,” and he feels his “wife loves her friends more than him, because all she wants to do is go to the club.” I paused for a second and thought to myself, I’m all for hanging out with the girls, as long as it’s not an every weekend thing and she comes home at a decent hour. My reply in response was, “that should be an easy compromise.” “Talk about it, and come to some type of mutual agreement. Maybe she’s craving a little excitement that’s missing in the relationship.” Initially it seemed as though he was blowing things out of proportion, or trying to restrain her from having fun. Well, little did I know, the texts would take a drastic turn and my whole perspective would change. His texts ensued, later revealing that his wife’s friends were attempting to hook her up with another man. I didn’t pry or question whether or not there was proof to back his claim, nor did I express my displeasure toward her, as not to make matters worse. I simply tried to be a confidant and offer some advisable comfort to the situation. But as I digested the brief exchange of words, I was taken aback by his wife’s utter disrespect.

This whole scenario further confirms why I’m leery of making friends and letting my guard down to females. I suppose condoning or encouraging infidelity is alright among some cliques. On a typical girl’s night out, so-called friends are spending more time plotting to hook their devoted gal pal up with a new dude, than they are picking out the perfect outfit. And what’s even more disturbing is, wedded women are going along with it, jeopardizing their marriage. I’m not here to judge because it’s not my place. In my friend’s case, I don’t know all the facts, but based on the details I was given, there are some issues that need to be sorted out. It’s imperative to evaluate these type situations and get to the root of the problem, instead of living reckless and hurting people in the process. Even if they are having marital troubles in which one or both parties aren’t satisfied; this is not the way to go about it.

Just as we choose a mate, we decide who we allow in our inner circle as friends. Characteristics sought after in a partner are parallel to those of an associate. So, I get annoyed when I see women make poor choices in selecting friends, especially when they profess to be picky or extra careful of the men they permit in their lives. A majority of women are self-proclaimed “private detectives” as it relates to their man, but fail to use this investigative intuition to uncover the truth about their cohorts. I feel if you’re able to spot a male snake in the grass, why not exercise the same discernment to detect poisonous females. Or do ladies get a pass in the “friendship” department? The same principles should apply and be upheld in female friendships as they are in opposite sex relationships. Women will chastise a man for lying and cheating while accepting the same dirty deeds from a woman (read: witnessing a friend who has a boyfriend/husband engage in flirting, sex, or other inappropriate activities). Conduct says a lot about ones character, and definitely a red flag that she doesn’t respect or value the people in her life. Somehow oblivious to the fact that a shady girl friend can cause as much harm, immoral behavior from other women is tolerated, but wouldn’t dare be put up with from men. If a chick has a nonchalant attitude towards her man and betrays him, that is automatic grounds for how she will treat you. When not in your presence, best believe she will stab you in the back.

While genuine friendship is as special as a precious gem, and should be treasured as such, not everyone knows the real meaning behind those two words. If your B.F.F. is a bad influence, it may be time to find a new best friend forever. On your quest for amity, I close with a palpable word of advice – choose your friends wisely.

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  • Mala

    “…I receive a text message from a guy friend telling me how HIS “marriage is hell,” and he feels his “wife loves her friends more than him, because all she wants to do is go to the club.”

    I feel like the number one problem with this situation is, why isn’t he discussing this with his WIFE? A healthy marriage/relationship with anyone hinges on communication. You can’t take issues like that to outsiders before discussing it within your marriage. That to me, smacks of disrespect.

    Now if he already did and things still weren’t changing, well, that’s a different story.

    Being careful who you let into your life period is a good way to go. Doesn’t matter what gender they are.

  • “The only thing men and women have in common, is that they both hate women.”

    What was the point of this piece? Apart from picking women i’m sorry females apart. There are untrustworthy men and untrustworthy women in this world.

    “Women will chastise a man for lying and cheating while accepting the same dirty deeds from a woman (read: witnessing a friend who has a boyfriend/husband engage in flirting, sex, or other inappropriate activities)”

    Guys do this all the time! Men always, always back it for therir friend if he is cheating.Always.

    Why a married man would be texting his female friend instead of talking to his wife about his marriage woes boggles my mind.

    Seriously don’t get the point of this article at all.

  • Jade

    This is pathetic. Don’t judge all women just because YOU had the misfortune of coming across shady people. I’m confused how some women can generalize other women like that.

    Be careful of ANYONE, black, white, man, or woman, that comes into your life period!

  • male voice

    I was checkin this out and decided to give it from a man’s point of view. Yall should take notes from the author.Yall are so busy trying to find what is wrong with the article that you ignore the point.It’s all about character!It’s only offensive if “YOU” are the BFF(Bad Female Friend),or your BFF is the BFF!

  • toi

    One resounding lesson that has proven its self in my life is that character traits are proven over time. if you notice things about a person you find alarming. its all within good reason. Don’t get me wrong i know all people can enter situations with good intentions. But if those intentions are constantly over shadowed by compromising judgement that my friend is a definite Trait. Traits do not go away unless a person makes an active effort to change. Which doesn’t last for “only a weekend” . A person of good moral standing outways one of fun times. Because you never know when fun times will outweigh your friendship needs. proceed with caution and value your true friends because you will not have to write off her actions as just being “wild” or “tipsy” we all know are true friends so lets choose them wisely. they do not sell them in Walmart. I’ve checked.LOL!