Horseshoe Magnet On whiteMany of us set out to find that Mr. Right, but for some, he is always seemingly attached to some sort of negative attitude or in many cases, what I’d like to consider an undiagnosed mental illness which subs as an excuse for his ill mannered behavior.

You begin to ask yourself, ‘Is it me?’ or start to wonder if maybe the odds are just stacked against you. But are all men jerks, or are some of us just unlucky enough to be a jerk magnet?

Good question…

Well, I guess the best way to answer this is to consider either the source of the problem or more importantly the one asking the question.

The bitter side of my heart that has come across a plethora of identical wolves that all reside in different brands of sheep clothing, could easily stand up on a platform and shout the words, “Yes, yes, all men are created equal, and yes, all of them are personified jerks on top of that,” but I must grit my teeth with the knowledge that not every man falls into that category, even when so many seem to frequent that neighborhood on a regular basis.

Jerks are without a doubt, an intrusion on ones own happiness, but to so many women out there, there’s still something magnifying about a man who can work a cocky attitude with finesse or make the blemish of their negative behavior sexy enough for them to desire the mayhem and all the mess that comes along with it.

But why is that?

The reality is, The Do Right Man down the block, is sometimes nowhere near as exciting as “Tyrone” is to some folks. We’d rather trade in the pleasures of simplicity, for a world filled with intrigue, complications, and several headaches to say the least.

When living in that lifestyle, we often find ourselves arm in arm with our hearts Cause and Effect. Short term pleasures turn into long standing after effects, and we’re most often riddled with a bitterness and negativity from our sour relationships that should have never gone further than the utter of an occasional “Hello.”

Maybe we enjoy the pleasure of complaining rather than the satisfaction of living on Easy Street. I guess there’s no heightened challenge in a relationship with someone who isn’t “complicated.” Also, the element of continual worry as to whether or not Mr. Right will show up on a date or even stay faithful to our hearts is overridden by the fact that a good man, doesn’t thrive on the same nonsense and drama attributed to folks we’d classify as a jerk.

So if we know that there’s gold at the end of one of these rainbows, why do we keep chasing pennies or continuing to sift through wishing wells hoping for a pay off?

Here’s 5 ways to tell whether you are or aren’t a jerk magnet.

* You can’t help it. The world loves a bad attitude.
In defense of many of us who continually get entangled with the callousness of a lifestyle intertwined with a Bad Boy attitude or those unassuming jerks we all know and love, sometimes its not by our own attraction that these men fall under our radar, but moreover by the celebration of such narcissistic behavior that seems to be embedded into our mentality on a day to day basis.

We all loved Morris Chestnut in The Best Man, but his cheating ways definitely fall under the category of jerky behavior- but what about those lips? It’s so easy to dismiss their behavior when it’s preceded by a radiating charm. Don’t forget our love for other fictional characters like House M.D., Ari Gold from Entourage or with real celebrities like Kanye West, Chris Brown and Bobby Brown who all easily fit the bill.

*You’re a victim of subliminal messages.
Songs like “You’re a Jerk- I know” go from being just a catchy tune on the radio, or the latest dance craze, on to subbing as your next prospects self-proclaimed anthem. Confidence is definitely attractive, but there is a difference between having it and being classified as cocky. When a man walks in sure of himself, and smoldering with a loud arrogance and negative attitude, so many of us can’t help but be drawn to his jerkdom. The illusion is more fun to accept than the truth, it’s sexy right? I know.

*History has a tendency of repeating itself.
If you came from a drama filled past, then chances are you’ve incorporated that mentality into your immediate future. We do what’s familiar to us, that’s why when mom pulls out that Apple Pie around holidays, we tear up during those moments of nostalgia because there’s a comfort in duplicating a priceless feeling from our childhood. The same thing goes in the world of dating. If you were privy to drama, arguments, selfishness and lies while growing up, chances are you will unknowingly seek out that behavior from your significant other because you are what you know, even if it’s a lesson you never bargained for.

* Your ideal of Love is modeled after the Olympics: Challenging.
I can change him. He needs me to show him how to love. He’s been hurt a lot, but once he realizes that I’m not like all the other girls, he’ll let his guard down and things will get better. I’ve been monitoring the time on my watch ever since the first minute I came across those statements. So far it’s been 16 years since I’ve been acquainted with these ideologies from wishful thinkers, and no matter the year or the decade, the outcome for every one of those relationships thriving on a plethora of challenges all ended where they started- nowhere. The challenge should be in never having to lose the happiness, not in working to obtain it.

* The mirror never lies.
Is it hard to consider that maybe the reason some of us continually attract jerks and bad boys, is because we’re a magnet for individuals who are just like we are? Hard pill to swallow or for some the truth doesn’t phase them much, either way we are what we seek, so often times the people we connect with in many ways are a reflection of our own behavior and attitude.

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  • ms. complexity

    I cannot stand bad boys or jerks. I’m glad I’m in the minority – the woman who wants a do right man. If y’all want a bad guy….I feel sorry for you!!

  • Mandalay

    i see that as well we all attempt to change each other, fix ours and theirs problems. We women are the worst culprits at that “I can fix him”. We wrap ourselves in projects in order to turn a lousy man good, but seldolmly will work on a good man to make him into what we want.

  • jwilz

    Man, this article couldn’t have come at the best time (unfortunately) since this is a question I have been asking myself for the past weekend. I definitely know I am not a jerk so the mirror thing doesn’t apply but the other 4 markers pretty much do. The whole nice guy thing really irks me though because I seem to attract the nice guys who are suffocatingly clingy and just plain boring or annoying.

    However, I am going to be a woman about my stuff and have already cut the jerk loose (in my mind) as of this morning…he’ll find out soon enough. Though I’m young, it’s reached the stage where I think jerks are all I’ll ever attract, so I’m taking myself out of the game. But I refuse to settle for a Nice Guy until I meet one that is not weird and ignites that spark in me.

    Anyways, well done!

  • sw

    @ms.complexity, I agree with you!

    Bad boys are for women who don’t understand their worth and i think that falls in line with young girls. I have been fortunate to date pretty good men up until my husband. They were not perfect, but they were good to me. I think my attitude subliminally says, ” NOT A JERK’S LADY.” which repels those type of men.

  • Jasmine

    To answer the question simply yes. But I think it was my own fault I allowed myself to like jerks.