My mother always taught me to pace myself…
Yet like the ticking of a clock, I hear the urgency in garnering my dreams lapping at my eardrums like anvils dropping down on life’s canvas.
When you’re a child you’re taught to “Be All You Can Be,” but sometimes who you are and that potential is hidden amongst the flowerbed we call possibility. Seemingly, life spins like the wheels of the waiting game, and it can be a long road from the seed to the Daisies aligning our future, to spring up from the ground to solidify the bouquet of our dreams.
It takes time, and the keys to patience… But for a person like myself who just crossed the threshold to 30, sometimes waiting on the luck of tomorrow, impedes in my ability to have patience for the things of today. My dreams are stacked like dominoes, and one by one they’re falling towards the target, but how long do I have to sit and wait to see the beauty at the end of the cascade?
To quote a well known sentiment, “I’m truly not getting any younger.”
When I was a child, I dreamt of becoming a well-known writer, filmmaker, an author, an actress…. I dreamt, but I didn’t always have the strength to etch my conclusion in the sand. For the longest time, I held a foot out in front of my own path. I was the blemish in the iris of my personal destiny, and I busied myself with continued distractions; the hunt for love, seconds of pleasure, or writing the liner notes to a short term happiness- anything to keep me from delving into the muddy waters of chasing your dreams.
It takes a lot to go out on a journey towards your own ocean and most of us fear the war in the thirst. Most of us are comfortable drinking from the well of the collective. Quite like the task of having hope that what you want will come to pass, it takes a lot to succumb to the joys in being parched, because the fear of being unsatisfied can keep you further away from discovering your own stream.
At 28, I became ravenous but my sightline was littered with a reality that I wished I’d have executed 10 years prior, but sometimes it takes years of dodging lightening to feel comfortable stepping out on the proper path. In looking at my peers during that hour, I saw an eclipsing range of fortune; there were those who were on the triathlon of realizing their potential, and then there were those who were comfortable standing still.
So where did I fit in?
In my darkest hours, I felt like I was the last to graduate from diapers, especially seeing the flocks of “toddlers,” already trained, while I was still working my way up to gripping the porcelain. I felt like a dinosaur just learning to hunt; too old to go into my first battle, but completely unsatisfied with continuing to be spoon fed someone else’s lunch.
I had to learn to dodge that extra foot in front of my sightline. At some point I took the risk to become a writer, a filmmaker, an author- the consistent breath surging through the vortex of everything I desired to be. I became comfortable with the here and now, and although I haven’t realized everything I want in life, I am truly happy to be here at the present moment and will continue to hitchhike towards my limitless fountain.
Nothing amazing can happen overnight, no more than the time span it takes for nature to carve a path into a mountain. I had to put aside my personal stigma’s and worry more about the journey to my castle, and less about the time it might take me to get there. I always reflect on the knowledge that seconds turn into minutes, minutes transcend into hours, but the important thing to remember is that your clock is moving forward, and for every minute you’re locked in motion, eventually you’ll one day arrive at that triumphant hour.
My mother was right, it is about pacing yourself- no matter your age or how long it’s been since that very first moment you stepped out on faith. Your strength will come from leaning to the road, with a continued eye on the final destination. Success doesn’t happen by accident, but failure can meet anyone who refuses to continue to try. Always remember, “You still have time to get there,” because as long as you control your fortune and put more emphasis on yourself, time is on your side, and the clock will forever remain moving within your hands.