Breaking up is hard to do, but walking off into the sunset alone with a vertical posture can be the difference between kneeling to your unfortunate circumstances, or having conquered the confines of a broken heart.

Long before our beloved J Lo was the star of her latest movie The Back-Up Plan, having a Plan B or a pinch hitter was about having an unofficial replacement clause in your relationship contract; that man or woman waiting on the sidelines to pick up the pieces from where your Romeo has fallen short. So like Usher once stated, you won’t have to “Let it burn.”

Breaking up is hard to do, so is staying in a bad relationship that has long expired. It takes a lot of strength to hand someone a pink slip and many lack the courage to purge feelings and wait until their emotions subside before becoming available to a new suitor.

For some of us, it’s only natural to keep an extra set of testosterone lying around, just in case you have to jump ship and fear the turbulent thrusts of a heart floating in limbo. Those lonely nights of wolfing down your favorite Ben & Jerry’s ice cream coupled with sad love songs by Toni Braxton while wearing his favorite jersey are avoidable when you have another man to keep your mind off of “what once was” and “what shall never be again.”

Those who subscribe to that type of healing are usually the individuals who proudly tout that they’ve always had a boyfriend. But in the longevity of each attachment comes a laundry list of baggage that never gets removed, and carries the weight of a dozen broken hearts with unresolved situations.
Having a Plan B isn’t any better than putting a temporary band-aid over a gaping wound– all feels complete, and you don’t have to meditate on what was left behind. But do you ever get over the past when you don’t give yourself time to rid his energy from affecting your future?

Aside from the fact that having a Plan B is somewhat a form of cheating, is it truly a good idea to start handing out your number when you feel your current situation is going south or becoming complicated? Is it fair to your current beau, or the person you’re seeking refuge from to be tipping the scales on either side of your heart?

Well, only if you’re a glutton for punishment or lack a remorseful heart than I’d say go for it. But if you’re anything like me, you might want to weigh the pros and cons before setting yourself up for potential failure with your rebound man.

The Pros of having a Back Up Plan…

Are there even any?

No, not really. But there’s always two sides to every story. Opening one door before completely closing the other is sometimes inevitable if by chance you run into Mr. Right when you’re least expecting him. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side…

It isn’t abnormal to be in a relationship with someone and at the same time be smitten with another man or woman. Especially when you’re already watching that last grains of sand drain from the spout of fallen love. These things usually start out as an emotional affair, but sometimes that connection with your new love will give you the boost you needed to leave a situation ready to be retired.

Sometimes breaking up is hard to do if you’re dealing with someone who can’t take a hint…

For some, fatal attraction isn’t just a movie– rather a handbook to individuals who consider obsession a form of love than merely a Calvin Klein fragrance. In cases like this, you need a hero– a man who’s willing to step in as a savior and take you from an extreme situation to a loving environment. But be careful  you don’t trade one problem for another. It’s easy to attract more trouble if your life is already a reflection of it.

You don’t have to worry about feeling lonely after the other one has left…

Trust me, I’m not endorsing copping a rebound lover when you see the turbulent road ahead. If you happen to stumble upon the next in line when your clock is close to midnight, having a new set of arms cued up on speed dial can be the perfect solution to never feeling the stingy sensation of a love come down. Love means never having to feel lonely or so goes the theory. As long as your heart remains busy it never has to be idle and lost in the blues.

Cons of having a Back Up Plan….

It’s a selfish endeavor that could lead to someone getting hurt including you.

Spreading your heart in two different directions is dangerous business when you’re talking about relationships. The new guy stands the risk of getting hurt if you and your current boyfriend decide to patch things up. Your current boyfriend might not be ready to let you go, and after the break up it may hurt him twice as hard if he finds out you’ve already moved on to someone new. It also may make him think you were cheating the whole time, which could ruin any chance in the future of the two of you getting back together. Finally, both men might find out about one another and decide to abandon you for being a risk lover, which not only leaves you empty handed but also stuck with two people to get over pending your feelings for the new guy was on the verge of growth.

Whether you like it or not, it’s cheating.

Even when you know you’re about to make a timely exit, it’s still not a good idea to start cruising for new options until the current one is completely out of the picture. Whether you’re having a social affair, emotional affair, or have found yourself a new side lover, lining someone up to take the place of your current boyfriend is cheating on all levels and is not fair to anyone.

You might find yourself torn…

You can’t turn off your feelings like a light switch even when you find yourself walking out of one door into another door. Who’s to say that your not transferring one set of feelings onto a new picture? It’s not fair to you, your ex or your back up plan to be shifting around your heart without first choosing to share it with a clear conscious. Dozens of “what if’s” come into play. You still might be in love with your current boyfriend and thought you were ready to leave to find out you have major feelings for the new guy leaving you to choose between the two. The only choice you need to make is resolving one situation before moving on to another.

In reality when you’re on the verge of breaking up with anyone the perfect plan to have is a plan for yourself. You should be your own backup plan. Take your vacation from love, and invest that energy in your personal reflection. When the time comes, and you’re ready choose another mate, there will never be a question as to whether or not you truly love yourself. We are our best solution when it comes to picking up the pieces after love’s broken promises have left us lying in the ash.

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  • Stacy

    Plan B is not for me!!! I already think I have adult ADHD, there is no way I would be able to straddle a relationship that’s failing and one that may be developing. Yes, I did it as a late teen/early twenties when I did not know any better. But now as a woman getting closer and closer to 30- that is just too risky for me. I am with Keebo- “I can’t in good conscience have a Plan B man because I’m not a Plan B chick.”
    Unforntunately my ex, had a plan B….