You know where he is and you know how to reach him. But all of the time lost and missed stops you from building the kind of father-daughter connection you thought you deserved.
You stopped being ‘daddy’s girl’ a long time ago. You forgot how his hugs and kisses on your forehead felt. He never made it to your ballet recital and even missed your high school graduation. You thought about calling him when you graduated from undergrad, but you told yourself, “why waste my time? He’ll come up with another excuse not to come anyway.”
Something in you just can’t forgive him for not being there when you needed him the most or when you look up to your mother and asked, “where’s daddy?” “Is he coming back?”
The phone calls stopped and the letters were never sent. Today you wonder, “who will walk me down the aisle when I get married?” You tell yourself, “he don’t deserve to ‘give me away’ to any man.”
Father’s Day is just another day for you. In fact, you jokingly call your mother to tell her happy father’s day.
But when will you give him a chance? Your Auntie told you on Christmas he asked about you.
Your trust issues spill over into your relationships. You find yourself pushing away the men who actually want to be with you. But you just won’t allow yourself to believe him. No matter how much you want to.
You tell yourself you don’t need your father or any other man.
You deny bitterness and tell yourself, “I’m grown. He lost his chance to be a daddy.”
But is it time to let go?
Is it time to pick up the phone?
I know you’re tired of being the bigger person but maybe, just maybe he will cry over the phone and tell you how much he misses you.
Let’s forgive our fathers. I’m certainly trying to.