When I was growing up, the “Unofficial Woman’s Handbook” always spun the idea, that when it came to a woman’s virtue, the best bet would be to hold on to what you have, and a man’s response to your chastity would resolve itself into a life of happiness and matrimony.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” Words were no truer a reality, then they are now in this generation where marriage has become somewhat of an urban legend, or possibly the next stop in mythological findings.

Times have definitely changed, and the game of love doesn’t necessarily honor its members with a salute of longevity by way of exchanging vows. Rather, the new plan of attack is to just cop yourselves a prototype; a title officially known to most as “wifey.”

But what exactly is a wifey anyway? Is this the new standard women should aim for rather than bothering with the archaic ideology that marriage is the game of fortune?

Wifey’s are far different than being a man’s girlfriend. Usually a girlfriend aspires to be a man’s wife. On the other hand, wifey’s aspire to keep a man happy, whether the title of wife comes in the future or not.

The name in itself has all the pleasures of everything a wife possesses, but when a brother wants to walk away, he can do so without having to miss a beat due to court appearances or battles over the shared property.

In the wake of recent public divorces involving Swizz Beatz and Dwyane Wade, it would seem as if the exchanging of vows no longer offers the security it once did when it comes to hoping for a guarantee in forever. Does this mean love would be better served if we just threw away the idea of marriage? Should we opt to stay in the pretense of matrimony with someone who would be willing to wear the crown without being sworn in to the throne?


It might save people a lot of trouble and misfortune, to just cop themselves a wifey, instead of trying to find forever with a wife. Hmph… if only I believed that theory.

Unfortunately, being able to cut your losses when the going gets tough is becoming the most attractive venture in aspiring relationships. It’s also an excuse for folks to treat love like a temporary tattoo–easily washed and removed when the surface appears to get tattered and torn, rather then working to fix the problems.

In examining the two, there are vast differences in both titles.

The duties of a wifey are definitely not those of a wife.

Oh no. A wifey’s sole responsibility is to keep it fun, playful, and sexually interesting at all times. They don’t have to worry about exploring the budget, because the plan isn’t for them to hold down a household. And until that theory changes, they can enjoy the perks of living the life of a wife, without having to actually worry about paying the mortgage.

But what really makes these women so attractive to men is they’d rather settle down with someone who they see no end in sight with?

To many, wifeys mark the difference between a man coming home to a frumpy housemate, versus running home to play house with a sexy bedmate.

Most cheaters claim after they got married, everything changed. All the sexy their woman once had dried up like a grape turning into a raisin once the vows were said. Wifey’s on the other hand stay sexy year round, which makes them a more attractive mate, than waking up next to a woman who suddenly looks like her mom.

In defense of said women, the responsibilities of a wife far outweigh the laid back lifestyle of a man’s wifey. Wives cook and clean, while wifeys kick back, relax, and look good on a man’s arm. Wives have to work full time, and maintain the household once they get home. Wifeys have to maintain only the relationship by keeping a man pleasured, happy, and continually interested in their presence.

It should be noted that just because a woman gets married doesn’t mean she’ll let herself go. There are plenty of women who can sustain a superwoman posture, and still remind their man why he chose them in the first place.

Yet even with all of this on the table, more and more men are either leaving their wives for these women, or settling with women who are cool with the idea  they never have to formally commit to forever.

With Michelle Obama standing tall as the wife many of us desire to one day be, should we still hope our men will always want to “Put a Ring On It,” or must we prepare ourselves for the role of playing house for as long as our car is allowed in the driveway?

Is it cool to be a wifey or should be demand to be a wife? Do you think a woman can be both?

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  • EDT

    I’m a little late to the debate. It’s funny that I happened to read this article today. A friend of mine on FB posted a question today — To have a long marraige, is it more important to be committed to the person or the union? I posed this question to my husband and we have both been pondering it all day.

    In reality, I don’t see anything wrong with the idea of a “wifey” — but that man, and specifically that woman must know the role they play in that person’s life. Being a wifey is not the same thing as being a wife — and if the two are comfortable with the situation, then blessings to them. Because the thing is — everyone does not want to be married, for whatever reason.

    However, a woman that wants to be a wife needs to go into her relationship with this in mind. You have to understand that being a wife includes all of those hard and ugly moments and you cannot walk away.

    A couple of people have made comments that if you are committed, then it doesn’t matter. I think it is wonderful that people are committed to each other and stay together for decades… but they are not married and they have not made the same committment. Marraige is more than a piece of paper — it is a legal institution — and it makes it difficult to walk away. And that is purposeful.

    When you take that oath to each other, in addition to making the committment to that person, you make a committment to that union — with the understanding that you are now bound to each other. You have consciously committed yourself to the higher purpose of keeping the Union together; and that is an everday job with no vacation. And I’m sure others would argue that committment is committment… And I reply, why not get married – because without that legal committment – everyone is absolutely free to “do me” without regard to the union. Sidebar: I know some of you are thinking married people act crazy and dow what they want. I am well aware of this fact; we are speaking about principles.

    So the long and short of it — women if you want to be “his woman” and don’t mind the insecurity of that wifey position — go for it. Just make it your decision and not a role you play because you want to stay with him. if you are trying to wear the ring — speak up and make your expectations known. “If he ain’t wit it, he ain’t for you!”

  • Kia

    I think you have the terminologies confused.

    A Wifey is a woman who has been with her man over 10 years and still is not married. It can also be a term that a guy calls his call friend who he is really into and he might have side chicks but wifey trumps them all.

    A Wife- Is the homemaker, the back bone, the lover the friend, the leasor or the leasee, the woman that everybody knows about etc.

    But what you are talking about is hoe that messes with a married man. The hoe might have the title of girlfriend but definitely not wifey.

  • Marriage is a ‘contract’. Ladies may not like it, but that’s exactly what it is. It serves no purpose for a man who is educated, successful, and able to care for himself. Ladies, not all men are playas, we just don’t like the attitudes women have toward the union. When I read the comments here I am thankful I have never walked down that Isle. Marriage is ultimately a contract that enables a woman to take from a man for the rest of his life regardless of HER actions. Please. If we’re going to discuses the maturely let’s be objective here. As a former bartender for 15 years, I saw many ‘upright’ and ‘morally respectable’ women pull their nickers down for a night of wanton anonymous debauchery. So BOTH sexes are guilty of the issues facing marriage today.

    Marriage, on the other hand, it is everything for a woman. security in life, because the workforce, although it is better than the 1960’s, still discriminates against women. Women are taught at a young age to equate the validity of a relationship by marriage. Quantify the legitimacy of sex by the promise of marriage. White dresses, limousines, horse drawn carriages… How many other romantic ideals can I summon visually for you.

    Now.. that being said.. the most successful people I know are married. Their relationships have hit the wall like any other.. but both people understand what marriage really is. It’s a partnership through life. No piece of paper will make it work. it may legally validate it, but it guarantees nothing for anyone.

    Partnership. 2 people working together to better themselves and their families. They understand the consequences of infidelity and disrespect. Some people have so little respect for themselves that they will never find it because it’s simply beyond their realm of possibility. Even some reading this right now.

    Attraction may bring them together, love, may bind them, but it’s respect of that partnership that allows them to endure. Because marrying for love alone is one of the biggest mistakes people make.