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Hmph.

Betrayal hurts. Months and months of happiness mixed in with the good and bad aspects that follow any relationship, to only be trumped by a painful alarm telling you that your perfect man is only a clever imposter.

You don’t need me to tell you this, but there’s nothing enjoyable about wasting your time with a no good man.

The inevitable is impossible to avoid without a crystal ball or a road map drawn out of your destiny. Who wants to sit on guard and always expecting the unexpected? That’s what bitterness is made of. It only deepens the lines of distrust that come from assuming everyone you meet is merely seconds away from hurting you in the long run.

So what do you do?

A warning shot would be nice, or perhaps we could pay better attention to any red flags that were waved in our face beforehand. But if that doesn’t work…

You can always consider the X-Files.

I wonder if Christina Milian wishes she had done a lunch with Nivea to get the 411 on The-Dream.  Is there something you wish you knew about your former or current boyfriend that his ex could’ve told you? Something that would have changed where you’re at now?

Maybe the answers to all of your questions lie with the woman who was there before you. History repeats itself time and time again. Although people have the ability to change, most often we imitate ourselves repeatedly when there’s someone new around who isn’t aware of who we are.

Your man might practice the same tricks, use the same lies, and take you on the same dates he took everyone else on before you. Having an “innocent” conversation with your man’s last girlfriend is probably a surefire way to learn what’s to be expected later on down the road.

She knows all his tactics, his routines, his potential lies, the scapegoats he uses, and his recipe for showing love. She knows him inside and out, and if she’s willing to drop a few tips in your lap, is it wrong to be all ears, or should you be ashamed for even participating in a conversation with your man’s ex?

Well…

Some would chop it up to nothing more than doing your homework – a simple reference check, quite like an employer would do before offering you a position. It’s not much more different than copping a background check on him from the government, creeping on his Facebook page, Googling his name…or driving by his house at night to see what he does when you’re not around.

Whereas most people will argue that consulting his past is an invasion of trust, one can find normalcy in practicing these relationship maneuvers. All options come from the same field of distrust that bad relationships are built, although what makes it a scandalous pursuit is that you’re scavenger hunting his past with someone who probably doesn’t have anything positive to bring to your investigation.

That deed is like pondering the potential elements of truth from out of the mouth of a liar. She has the option to keep it real, but there’s nothing stopping her from sending you down the wrong path either. Her motives for helping may coincide with a hidden plan to reclaim her spot in the long run.

You can’t ever be sure that anything she says can be seen as credible information. You’d do better waiting it out or trusting that there will be a line of error in every relationship. But looking for the worse is likely what brings the worst out of everything.

Should you ask his ex, or wait for life to happen? You be the judge.

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  • Bad idea… for many reasons probably already stated.

    What I have done when getting to know a woman is ask her what her ex would say about her, their relationship, and why it ended. Because we of course will always get the information from the point of view of the person in front of us.
    Now of course you aren’t guaranteed a truthful response. But I think even if they’re less than honest, you can probably glean some usable insight from their version of what their ex would say.

  • No, no, no and NO!

    this can only end badly. Either A. they had a great relationship, amicable breakup, and are still friends- which means you walk away feeling like a crappy second best, or B. they had a wrecked break-up, which means you could walk away with an earful of lies. learn your man yourself.

  • Jae

    No!!!! Because you don’t know what their relationship was like and all that is sad my not be true…find out for your self but be cautious!

  • YB

    Surefire way to wind up just like the woman you are talking too…an ex.

  • Lola B

    I would not seek the advice from a man’s ex but I have had an ex contact me and tell me about a man. I know she did it because she was hurt, and bitter… she also wanted me out the picture, well I wish I would have listened — 90% of the things she had said were true. They weren’t things to break up over, but if I had opened my eyes, I could have dealt with those situations a little differently, and saved myself a lot of pain.