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From Black Voices – With a committed relationship, you’re often expected to share your fears, your goals, your money, your home, your hopes and basically your life with your partner. However, why do people get so hesitant when their partner asks them to divulge something like their email password?

For some of us, privacy in a relationship is a big deal. No wait, a really big deal. Those who don’t understand the need for privacy in a relationship, are often labeled as the person with “trust issues,” and the person that needs the privacy automatically viewed as if they have something to hide. In actuality, the concept of ‘yours vs. mine,’ in a relationship is delicate, and very situational.

Privacy, or lack thereof, isn’t always a matter of trust, but can also be attributed to ego, experiences, the people involved in the relationship, the length of the commitment, and what one may or may not consider private. You can’t force someone who was raised as an only child to be more open to their mate who was raised in a family of seven, and given little to no privacy at all. Nor can tell a woman who has had an ex-boyfriend that has scammed her in the past to be less private with her bank account info — even if she loves you dearly.

You can try and sugar coat it, but shutting a person out of an aspect of your life is what privacy means. In order to avoid confusion or conflict, you should do your best to get on the same page with your partner regarding the privacy in your relationship. If you are the person who is quick to give, “If there is nothing to hide,” speech like the national anthem, then a secretive person might not be the most ideal match for you in a relationship. Sadly, many of us don’t put enough emphasis on issues of privacy within a relationship and find their views differ from their partner.

Whether or not privacy should exist in relationship can only be answered when the couple sets boundaries, revises those boundaries after time, clearly communicate, and respect each other. Ultimately, both people need to stay sane for the relationship to work. Check out the most common scenarios where privacy often comes up as an issue and when the want for privacy should be red flagged.

Separate Bank Accounts
RED FLAG IT: If you never knew the account existed, or the person refuses to start a joint account. As long as you are aware there is one, then there’s no need to keep harassing the bank teller every Friday try and add your name to the account.

Cell Phone Password
RED FLAG IT: If a separate situation regarding trust occurs and the cell becomes the only evidence to determine the truth, and the person still adamantly refuses to share the password. Until then don’t go trying different combinations until you reach the max for retries, resetting their whole damn device.

Email/Social Networking Passwords

RED FLAG IT: If every time you walk in the room to walk past the computer they are minimizing windows or ready to shut the computer down. *side eye

(Continue Reading @ Black Voices…)

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  • In a serious long term relationship/marriage I don’t see a reason why something like an e-mail password should be a secret. If you aren’t hiding anything, it should be open, if you are hiding something you might want to re-evaluate being in that relationship.

    • Glamarazzi

      exactly. you only need privacy in a serious relationship if your hiding something. As the saying goes: people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

    • Jason

      I wouldn’t give my momma my passwords. It’s not about hiding anything it’s about respect even though nothing is hidden.

  • Glamarazzi

    Your mama isn’t your wife.

    Respect? marriage is about sharing your ENTIRE self with someone. If you need so much privacy then perhaps you shouldn’t make that move.

  • MsKaos

    My whole life is an open book with my husband. I might not show him every email I receive – sometimes friends may send me something that’s not for his eyes–their biz not mine to share, but it’s there if he feels the need to look. We trust each other so there’s no need to be snooping behind someone’s back.

  • Drew

    If you honestly believe everything ‘must’ be shared in a relationship, you’re not being open, you’re being paranoid and insecure. No it is not ok to demand email and cell phone passwords just because you believe they are possibly cheating. If you can’t trust your intuition, and lead yourself to the point that you demand invasion their things, what will happen after the fact that you did that? If they end up being clean, now they don’t think you trust them! Also, you most likely will still think they are cheating and will find more ways to “figure it out”, and ultimately break up the relationship. Love respects freedom, and privacy.