Society has developed a vast interest in passing judgment on the subject of why Black women are single. Before, it was the massive amount of men locked up in prison that served as the reason why women were single. Today’s suggestion is that the Black church is the cause. And somewhere in between these interludes rang the loud conjectures about the unbalanced ratio between educated women to uneducated men, and the preamble of the cunning, down-low brother. As a culture we’re constantly trying to figure out why we are experiencing a high rate of single Black women.
So is it safe for the Black men to blame Jesus as to why he finds himself single too?
Perhaps the reason for his being single stems from Jesus and his unyielding rage about Adam’s disobedience back in the Garden of Eden. Or maybe it’s his wrath about the amount of gold digging groupies chasing the next rapper, athlete, or flashing lights. Maybe it’s the reign of Smartphones or even the Twitter whale—I mean he represents a form of communism, or wait—is he an Islamic terrorist?
Religion is only a small contributing factor to as why women, or men, are single. According to recent posts done by CNN, traditional structures and dynamics of the Black church convey submissive attitudes towards women who are on their journey of being single. The CNN special, “Black in America,” looks at a range of issues faced by the Black church, and the church’s continued significance in the Black community—while examining if the church is keeping Black women single. It goes on to examine homosexuality and the church’s treatment of same-sex politics.
Can we use these inferences reached by the program to explain why Black women are single today? Not even. With the research gathered, there is no way the romantic lives of Black women can be summed up by statistics and misplaced syntax.
On Sunday morning we all put on our Sunday Best and prepare to receive the word. At church we’re all taught to be patient and let His will be done. Right. Being patient doesn’t simply imply sitting there with our hands and knees bound, waiting for God to send us our partner wrapped in swaddling clothing. What ever happened to being pro-active? God is absolutely not to blame here.
Black men are single too, believe it or not. No, we don’t have an abundant amount of uplifting “single men” anthems like women do, however—it doesn’t portend that men aren’t single too. Single Black Men are not an endangered species, they do exist.
After a few months of dating, women are quick to throw in the towel and pull out their faithful “all men are dogs” t-shirt, or even pop in the nearby Tyler “peddler of Christian soap operas” Perry movie for motivation—where the woman gets battered, finds Jesus, and then attains love—how ironic. From the debates, and even callous research studies, men are always being shown negatively. This makes it even harder for men to even want to arise to the challenge of dating. Men are quickly forgotten in the equation but somehow always figured in as the problem.
It’s no doubt, today finding a partner is even tougher than ever before. With our microwave generation and constant rejection of moral values, women are not the only ones single. Dating is not easy for anyone. You have to compete in the areas of social class, educational levels, and even with someone’s Blackberry or iPhone. We live in the budding age where we want everything at our fingertips—and, somehow, meeting the right one is just not happening fast enough when we push the handy ‘green’ send button.
Bottom line: there’s no scapegoat to blame for why we are experiencing a high rate of single men and women, especially not Jesus. “Singleness” is a global issue with no gender lines—it doesn’t discriminate. Society is always focused on the happiness of others—let them have that. We don’t need research to validate or highlight ambiguous information. There is no reason to be resentful or bent out of shape when faced with being single. It’s a pill we all have to swallow. I hate to use a cliché—but we have to spend time cultivating and loving ourselves. Being single should not evoke a mood of misery, nor warrant unneeded research. Black women are not the only ones experiencing this.
So if you could please put your Bibles aside for a second and just turn to your neighbor and say, “Neighbor, I’m single too.”