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It is through the bonds of sisterhood that we develop an unbreakable kinship, one so strong that we trust our girlfriends with our lives. The deepest of secrets are shared, tears of joy and pain are cried on shoulders, laughter is abundant, and we toast to each other’s successes.

Naturally we tend to divulge the intricate details of our lives to those closest to us. That urge doesn’t change when we find ourselves in romantic relationships. In the beginning everything is all good. It’s new, fresh, and electrifying. Whenever you catch up with the bestie, you share nothing but the positive highlights of your new beau. But as the relationship continues to blossom, you realize your man is not a knight in shining armor, but just a great man with flaws like everyone else. So when problems arise you dial up your girl for a heart-to-heart.

Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with venting—everyone needs someone who just listens sometimes—the biggest mistake women make in their relationships is disclosing all of their relationship business to their friends.

When in a relationship, we often seek the advice or opinions of others because they can offer a viewpoint from outside looking inward. Depending on how the dice rolls, this could be beneficial, harmful, or somewhere in between. But I would warn women to tread lightly when getting in the habit of sharing all the trials and tribulations of their relationship with the girls.

We tend to inadvertently share more of the bad than the good. You won’t necessarily tell your friends every time your man does something romantic. But after you’ve had a blow-out argument, it is not unlikely that you want to let off steam by talking to one of your girls about it. Whether or not you want her to just listen, or be your peanut gallery and chime in, chances are she will have something to say. Whether it is in favor of team him or team you, she’s unlikely to forget this in the future when similar situations occur.

You never want to put yourself in a predicament where you lose a good friend because you’ve unfairly involved her in your relationship woes. You also wouldn’t want your friend’s opinions of how you should handle a situation affect how you react or treat your significant other.

Subconsciously, people sometimes project their own issues on others. You could just be looking for a friendly ear while she is frustrated with her own life. You tell her your man raised his voice for the first time in an argument and she responds, “I knew he wasn’t about nothing. You need to leave that fool!” Now you’re standing there with the boo boo face because your best friend just told you to leave your man. Yeah, no thanks.

Of course this not a one-size-fits-all model for all women. Some girlfriends are the masters of viewing a situation objectively, offering a listening ear and not weighing in either way. But the chances of this are . . .

There should be boundaries between your relationship and your friendships when it comes to letting folks in on your business. Your relationship is between you and your man. And, really, no third party is needed.

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  • binky

    I agree! I always been private about my relationship life even with my friends, yes I love them but I don’t feel the need to share and over expose something that is suppose to be between me and him. That doesn’t mean I don’t share or ask for advice but usually those are general questions and sharing, not the deep imitate stuff that is personal. I think some people have diarrhea of the mouth and feel the need to overexpose and put it out there when really they need to hold back. Love your friends and be open but they don’t need to know everything

  • ohreally

    i don’t divulge everything.. but c’mon.. there are some of us that’s dumb as hell over a guy and let him cheat, steal and everything and as soon as one of our friends looks @ us sideways – we get mad for telling them.. how about handle your relationship and there wouldn’t be anything bad to tell..

    my motto.. if you don’t want someone telling u to leave your man over the bs he does than don’t tell it.. that way u can look stupid all by your lonesome..

    • Mimi

      I agree.

      Right now, I am a single and I am not even trying to mingle.
      But, I do have a couple of homegirls that are in relationships and whenever they ask me for advice/suggestions, I am usually tight-lipped, because I do not want to hear the “you don’t have a man” line when I give them advice that they do not agree with.