There’s a funny bit in Chris Rock’s “Bigger and Blacker” that addresses men’s constant pursuit of sex. In a nutshell, every benevolent action of a man in regards to a woman, is a path to the endgame of sexual congress. Everything. From helping you with your bags to sponsoring a evening of Spa Sydell, Benihana and wine sipping.
Even if the gentleman in question isn’t aware of it, sex can be muddled somewhere between being the end game and the means to the end game of a long fulfilling relationship. As we get older and more knowledgeable about ourselves, cravings for sex tend to become more shameless and less prohibitive. Sexual double standards between genders become more wack with each increment of maturity.
All of which means that there are numerous ways people in which go about satisfying their “needs.” In a way, our interpersonal (or sexual) relationships resemble that of a free market enterprise: the ubiquitous concept of supply and demand and the market’s role in dictating each.
Women outnumber men, tend to develop faster, and have biological clocks that ticks louder as time saunters on. Men are fewer, develop in maturity (physically and emotionally) at a slower pace, and are products of a patriarchal society that not only values dominion over men, but applauds the sexual “conquests” over women. Left to macro-cultural conditioning, men are in no rush to proceed with monogamy.
At the risk of vast generalization, this dichotomy leads to an imbalance in the supply/demand matrix. From a male perspective, the demands from women are plentiful (even when you account for the Denzel Principle). From a woman’s perspective, the supply is slim pickings. When demand exceeds supply, prices go up. Men versed in this knowledge use this to their advantage and thus are apt to use a variety of schema to corner their market.
Men using chicanery to get their way isn’t anything new. You have the Athletes. The Musicians. The Illicit Entrepreneurs. Professional White Collars. Bookish Intellectuals. The Nice Guy. All these archetypes use their particular skillset to satiate sexual urges.
But there is one category that tends to get less light than the others: The Conscious Brotha.
Using intellect and a deep knowledge of genetic history, these brothers contrast against the backdrop of hypermasculinity and baggy Euro-name brand clothing that clutter the marketplace. These men offer refreshing change and intrigue; a path to navigating a dirty fishbowl of excess and ego.
They can breakdown cashflow and income statements with the same dexterity as the ancient rituals of the Dogon and Moorish empires.
They can quote bell hooks and Malcolm X ad nauseum. They call you Queen and Empress. They preach self-mastery. Your mind is opened in pleasant ways. Being intimate then feels natural, as if the stars and moon are aligned for this relationship to happen.
But it isn’t quite blissful afterward. The relationship “breaks down” and another one bites the dust.
Is this cynical? Maybe. But considering that men of other professions—preachers, lawyers, athletes, entertainers—use their “niche” as a badge, it isn’t far-fetched that a man would use a woman’s desire for intellectual fulfillment against her. Or for his benefit.
As with any good marketer, the goal is to create a brand name that is novel yet doesn’t reinvent the wheel. Marketers figure out the vacuum in a base and exploit it for financial gain. They sell win-win, but it rarely works out that way.
Companies sell products by not only pointing out the holes in peoples’ psyche (the yearning for beauty, ostentatious apparel, self-aggrandizement, laziness, sexual depravity or fulfillment, etc), but sustaining them until the holes become hollowed out, at which point people are left craving something new.
The Conscious Brotha, like the Chivalrous Brotha, has ideals that, while noble in theory, can lower defenses to the point of exploitation. The masculine world is shaped and molded under a lording premise: power.
Consciousness can be a different wardrobe used to offset the dullness of surroundings outfits, but the mere presence of it doesn’t preclude ulterior motives. Nor does it necessarily include deception.
Of course, every guy isn’t as calculating and scheming as this article may indicate. But a promising and good looking stock doesn’t eliminate the necessity to perform necessary due diligence.
The heterosexual male-female dynamic is, like economics, simple in concept. Due to the known unknowns and unknown unknowns in place, however, it’s a complex and ultimately uncompromising system.