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About a month ago me and my sister were chatting about what we were looking for in a mate. Even though my sister rocks a perm and I am natural, we were both drawn to a creative and free spirit type of guy. Her biggest complaint was that her type of man was not attracted to her and one of the main reasons was simply because of her hair. The men she was used to attracting were very conservative and did not want anything to do with being creative. Understanding where she was coming from, I began to think of my personal experiences when it came to the differences in the type of men I attracted before and after I went natural.

It’s funny because since I’ve been natural,  both the approach and the type of man who is attracted to me is different. Instead of “Hey Cutie,” I get greeted by “Hey My Nubian Queen.” Unfortunately, both types usually end up saying something that ruins the conversation which often times leads me not to talk to either one of them. Even though I have been a proud natural for over 3 years, I’m still a bit conservative (okay, I lied—maybe very conservative) when it comes to styling my hair. I always tend to pin it up and rock the same 2-3 styles in rotation. One reason is that I simply don’t have time or the energy anymore to experiment with new hairstyles. The funny thing is that even though I’m still just as conservative as my sister,  I attract a different type of male simply because of my natural hair. In fact, usually the beginning part of the conversation begins with,  “Oh I love your natural hair sistah,” or the annoying one, “Is that all of your natural hair that is pinned up? Man I dig it.”

Of course people still feed off of the stereotypes that just because you’re natural, you’re a vegetarian and listen to Common. In my sister’s case, men usually guess she is conceited and vibes out to old school R&B because she rocks a permed bob. In reality she rocks out to more neo-soul than I could ever listen to.

My question is,  what about the theory that opposites attract? Numerous people love to use the reasoning of opposites attract as the go-to logic of finding a good match. In a lot of cases, however, I see that people are more comfortable approaching someone who reminds them of themselves. So what does this mean? Does it mean that much power lies in the strands and your appearance? Even though you should not judge someone by their outside appearance, it is the one trait that people see first before approaching you. If someone feels as if you’re a certain way, they will or will not act on it.

What do you think, does your hairstyle limit the type of person you attract?

-Ellisa Oyewo

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