Trophy Material


“Wifey material” is one of those terms I hear often. For some it’s a younger generation’s take on “the marrying kind”; for others, it doesn’t have anything to do with actually getting married. I was introduced to it years ago in the “you’re wifey material and I’m at the point in my life where I just want to play around,” sort of way. The discussion about what makes one “wifeable” is very similar to the conversation about what makes a “good man.” What I’ve observed is that wifeable is to trophy material as good man is to resume.

It doesn’t take much digging in the archives to realize that I am quite fascinated by what people look for in a partner and that I think a lot of people only know what they want on the surface and rarely question the things that will really matter. I’m also quite perplexed by the number of good guys claiming there are no good women or that women don’t like the nice guys because the women are saying the exact same thing about the men.

When I try to get to the bottom of it all I see that there are a lot of great dudes that have characteristics these ladies are looking for but not the resume. I also notice that the women have the qualities that the young men are looking for but not the image. This is not to say that dudes don’t look at resumes or that women don’t care about looks. However, you only have to listen to the number of women complaining that they don’t want to “date down” and look at the number of dudes rocking a t-shirt and sneakers who came in the building with the chick sporting a full face of makeup and stilettos to see where I’m coming from.

I’d also like to note that the “image” seems to change depending on circle and how the guy hopes to be perceived. I have more to say on the topic, but let’s see if we can get a discussion going first.

So what do you think? What have you experienced? Are guys to caught up in image? Guys do you think I am making this up? What am I missing?

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  • African Mami

    Wifeability is as subjective as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But certain things still hold true across the board. eg. sluttiness and sexiness are not interchangeable terms, they stand on their own.

    • I agree with you miss African Mami, but i do feel both men and women pass up on good people because we are searching for the looks. I know for me personally i am guilty of picking the bad chick, bad meaning good and overlooking the woman who may be a 6 in my eyes but her resume was off the chart and saying her resume was a 10 would be an understatement. I do believe we should look deeper and from experiences and friends of my inner circle, it seems around the age of 30 thoughts and perspectives seem to change. Good luck to the dating world and i hope it does get better and more mature for us all.

    • African Mami


      Totally agree with your sentiments. With age comes a sense of maturity and insight. Looks are just a by the way.

  • lm

    Anthony – you “hope” it gets better? How, um, passive.

    Kudos to you for admitting that your tendencies — which you share with many men who are obsessed with “how she looks to the brothas” — are part of the problem.

    But if you don’t do anything about it, guess what?

    You stay a part of the problem.

  • ALIG83

    Hearing the phrase ‘Wifey Material’ and the word ‘Wifey’ makes me cringe. It’s nothing more than Black people making up their own cute little words for things that they put no real meaning behind.

    • Mercedes

      Totally Agree!!!!! Thank you. If I am ever called ‘wifey’ that’s a sign to walk away – now!!

    • Vanessa

      THANK YOU!!!! Only thing is if I am ever called “wifey”, I’m not walking away, I’m RUNNING away.

      I don’t remember if it was on this site or somewhere else but their was an article about the differences between being a “wife’ and a “wifey”. The “wife” is there for the long haul – good, bad, and ugly; you share your life with her in a partnership.

      The “wifey” may live in the house and sleep in the bed but she basically disposable – she is only around because she is a trophy on the streets and in the sheets; when she is used up you get another one. Whether you agree with it or not it is an interesting observation.

    • Manda

      ALIG83 I agree with your comment. “It’s nothing more than Black people making up their own cute little words for things that they put no real meaning behind.” Again, its all superficial and temporal. Satifying only what meets the needs of right now. We wonder why we are so unsatisfied with someone who doesn’t meet our long term needs (i.e., has aged, gotten heavier or skinner or saggier over time)

  • Mercedes

    The younger you are, the more you are caught up in image or using relationships to advance your lifestyle. The older you get, the more you realize relationships – long term- is about compatibility. Images change, fade, evolve. Well, so do personalities for that matter.

    PS – it always annoyed me when the woman is dressed up and the man is wearing jeans and sneakers. Are you two going to the same place?

  • I am a 19 yr old young woman from my point of view (speaking for young adults my age) Looks do matter they play an important role on just how far a guy will actually take it with you, if you have half of the package ; pretty face, big butt, or big tits then the relationship is sexaully platonic… However if you have that and a good personality you are THEN considered wifey material…And as far as guys girs go for the tallest the cutes the most athletic simply nbecause we are young & finding a “Good Man” Is Not A Crisis….YET!

    • African Mami

      Good men exist, it has never been a crisis. The media makes it seem that way. Glad you did state you are 19, because some of the things you stated had me humming.