With Valentines Day fast approaching, many are probably wondering if the one they’ve been spending quality time with wants to do more than just “kick it” and instead try to lock it down and really begin building toward the future.

Perhaps you’ve been dating the perfect man (or woman) for a few months now. He calls you every day just to hear your voice, sends you cute “I’m just thinking about you” text messages, and when you two are together you have the most wonderful time in the world. Just when you’re about to change your Facebook status from “single” to “in a relationship” you stop yourself and ask, “What’s really going on?”

Since the simple days of middle school love notes that once asked, “Will you be my girlfriend? Check yes or no,” are no more, many of us are left to wonder if we are or are not actually in a relationship.

Sure you can assume that the person you’ve been seeing is your man, but assuming so can be dangerous and may possibly lead to a messy situation rather than a happily ever after. Just ask Nina and Darius.

Although the best course of action is to always talk honestly about what each of you wants and expects…the real question becomes when?

How soon should you delve into “The Talk” with the person you feel has the potential to be the one?

The timing of “The Talk” can make all the difference in the world.  If you’re totally feeling the person after a few weeks it may be too soon to have “The Talk” or you could do more to scare off a potential mate than show them that you’re serious. However, if you play it cool and wait for them to broach the subject first, you may leave yourself open to remaining indefinitely in relationship limbo (and perhaps even being just another team player on someone’s overcrowded roster).

Knowing when to have “The Talk” is not only tough, but it can also be very scary. Speaking openly and honestly about your feelings and being completely vulnerable is a frightening prospect, but in order to have the relationship you want sometimes you just have to take a chance.

What do you think? When should you have “The Talk” with the person you’ve been dating?

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  • Paris

    IMO if a man hasn’t brought of the subject of exclusivity with me by 2-3 months, this speaks volumes about how he feels about me. I refuse to be the girl that ALWAYS brings up the subject of a commitment while the guy is fine with “casual dating”. If he doesn’t feel enough for me to let me know he wants a commitment within the 3 month time frame, I’m out. No ‘talk’ necessary.

    • KGDC

      You sound like all of my ‘happily single’ female friends. That tactic is working so well for them.

    • isis

      lol I agree with Paris too. I mean how long you gonna casually date a dude and he hasn’t decided he wants to be with you exclusively?? 6 months? 8 months? That’s too much wasting of my precious time when I can move on to someone who will commit to me. Two months of dating is sufficient. If he won’t commit after 2 months he wont ever commit. *shrugs*

  • African Mami

    When SWV’s song ‘Weak’ is on repeat in your mind.

  • fuchsia

    Perfect timing Clutch! I think I may have actually missed my window of opportunity. I may even be moving into the “team player” spot, and I’m livid. Been walking around mad for a little over 24 hours now. Anyhow I still haven’t had the talk and it’s not happening now. I’m making my outro.

    I say have the talk after 3 dates before it get’s too serious. I knew I liked him after the third date, but didn’t wanna rock the boat. Now I wish I had.

  • fuchsia

    I would say have the talk after the 3rd successful date, before it get’s too serious, but after you know that the person is worth getting to know better.

  • in my opinion it all depends on the vibe of the relationship – if youre truly feeling this guy and youve been TALKING (Not just building ish up in your head) then this talk can happen at ANY point. There is no right time to know what the other person is thinking. Took me a LONG time to realize that.

    Very DUMB on my part in retrospect.

    If it doesnt happen within the first couple months ladies and gents.. you are pinch hittin like a mofo. *kanye shrug*