This is the question that swirls in my head, every year I hear the occasion mentioned on news sites, blogs and by media commentators.  As a non-married young Black woman, I am caught between statistics about divorce rates, unmarried mothers and the husbands we should/might/don’t have.  And I get them- I see them.  I just feel like I see them all the time.

There’s a definite relevance to the conversation.  No one can pretend the numbers, the effects aren’t seen.  Whether it the story line plays out in our own lives or in the lives of those we love- our communities have a complicated relationship with marriage.

While I feel the day can inspire a candid dialogue about conditions within African-American communities, I wonder if we spend to much time on this conversation on marriage and the utopia of Black love.

Hear me out.

How many issues with separate roots get easily associated with Black marriage?  Keep counting- because I am sure you can come up with a couple more.  And perhaps this is where my reluctance to join the hundreds of marriage activists as they celebrate Black Marriage on this particular day because I feel like this conversation permeates our dialogue and inundates us all of the other 364 days of the year.

Black Marriage Day often brings to light the problems in our perception of what marriage itself actually represents.  It’s become the land of milk honey, the thing that if we can reach it, we will have achieved what we were meant to in our lives.  There’s no doubting that marriage helps foster stronger families and communities, but I do take issue with the assumption that it should take priority in how we measure completion in our lives.

Tell us Clutchettes, what are your thoughts?  Does Black Marriage Day inspire a conversation we need to have or one put too much emphasis on?


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  • Yes. Black marriage like marriage for anyone of any other race is still something I believe we all crave. Something we all want. Something we all think we need even if we don’t exactly know how to express that need. It may not be right now but I believe we would all like to settle down and just be happy; to not have to always look for something better because we know it don’t get no better than what’s at home.

  • EDTesq

    Marraige is hard work… so I venture to say that only those on the outside would label it “the land of milk and honey.” But marraige is a good thing, because as you said, we know it builds stronger families and stronger communities. This is all marraige and not just black marraige. Nonetheless, since we are a community with continuously declining marraige rates and we are living with the consequences of this phenomemon, why not celebrate black marraige???

    It is not a for-profit “holiday,” but rather a day to just acknowledge that marraige is good for the masses — even if it is not good for you. It’s not meant to isolate those that are single, but to celebrate those that are working everyday to live in a “legally” committed relationship.

    If you are not interested in marraige, more power to you — it’s not for everyone. However, I don’t think it is fair to debase the value of celebrating just because you are not in the group. You frame your discussion as though it is a problem because it is used to highlight the social issue that permeates our lives all year round, or that it is the measure of completion in an individuals life, but in the end, it really does seem like a bit of sour grapes. If I’m incorrect, apologies, but I can’t find a cohesive arguement that really makes your point, so I’m only left with the idea that “she’s mad….”

    As far as interracial relationships — love is love. If you happen to be black and married to someone of another race, or vice versa, celebrate your love.

    Love is good in all forms (as long as its healthy). We should take every opportunity to celebrate it and encourage people to move into more committed stable relationships — b/c everyone benefits from them (longer life span, stable home for children, higher lifetime income, etc.).

  • puhhlease

    y can’t it be just a marriage day.. why does it have to be a black marriage day.. see shyt like that start race wars n shyt..

    • Sunny

      I double agree.