The other day one of my Twitter friends mentioned an interesting stat. According to last year’s Essence Magazine sex survey, “71% of Black men would be disappointed if you didn’t reach an orgasm.”

Immediately, I questioned the validity of that astonishingly high number. And I wasn’t alone. Jo Nubian, my Twitter pal, soon tweeted, “Side eyes that poll…” My thoughts exactly.

Based strictly on unscientific evidence—conversations with other women and anecdotes—I wondered how many of those 71% REALLY knew (or actually, REALLY cared) if their partner reached orgasm.

While I do not doubt that most men want the women they’re with to get there, I question the “why.”

I think men (and I could be wrong, so brothas…please chime in) want women to orgasm, not solely because they want to please their partners, but because of what it says about their own sexual abilities. They want to think they’re “putting in work,” as one man on Twitter commented. But I wonder how many of us MAKE men think they’re “putting in work,” when we’re really not being fulfilled at all.

What do you think Clutchettes…have you ever faked an orgasm?


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  • snickerz

    I fake it, like EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Which is bad, because that doesn’t do anything for me…..and it’s not that I’m not “fulfilled” because it does feel good and everything, but I just feel like men get a little impatient when it comes to gettin down to the nitty gritty LOL…and a lot of them feel like its mostly penetration that gets us officially “there” so…but anyways, yeah I plan to have one during actual sex soon, rather than have to rely on myself…

  • jazzyphile

    Women don’t really like sex that much anyway–or at least half as much as men!

  • Mo’

    I’ve always said that women are responsible for their own orgasms. There is no such thing as a “technique” that will work on every woman and if a woman can’t be honest with the guy she is sleeping with she pro’ly should rethink it. Giving input to a guy helps him to navigate the terrain, empowers the woman; allowing her to find out if he cares enough to work her input into what he is doing…and builds the trust and comfort necessary for most women to relax into an orgasmic state.

    Women hurt themselves in so many ways and then make men somehow responsible for not being psychic…not to mention creating the very stress that blocks orgasm. No, I’m not saying guys aren’t inattentive, unskilled or uncaring…what I’m saying is the woman picks the man…and then does nothing, in many cases, to bridge the gap. Women sleep with guys who are all these things and complain instead of talking about it or using her ability to control the outcome to her advantage.

    I’m just saying don’t throw your power away so quickly by making men the first point of responsibility for your orgasm. We don’t! We always get ours…no matter how lousy a lay a woman is… I’m jus’ sayin’