“It’s not about settling or compromising. I just reserve the right to be stubborn.”
Eventually my girlfriends will tire from me using bits of our conversation for these posts, but until that time comes, I give you ‘The Great Debate.’
Maybe you know where this conversation was heading because you’ve been there too. After months of being single, my girl had finally met a guy who was great, except.
Except, it seemed he wanted to adjust everything about her personality inch by inch. He loved having her on his arm, but loved less that the people around him loved her conversation. He loved that she was ‘a smart girl’, but loved less that her love for learning meant hours of pouring herself into her studying. It was like he loved the outline of who she was but wanted to fill in the middle himself.
As she vented to me, I couldn’t help thinking how often we as women shroud the word “stubborn” in guilt. Like it was something inherently bad. Like we had no right to it.
The truth is we have a right to stubbornness, the same way we have a right to love and to happiness. Often though, we err in choosing the wrong things to be stubborn about and make compromises for the things we should relentlessly defend. As one of my favorite poets, Gwendolyn Brooks reminds us:
Do not be afraid of no,
Who has so very far to go…
To say yes is to die.
A lot or a little.
If there is a lesson that I have learned over and over again in the past year, it is that I reserve the right to be stubborn when it comes to the things that make me who I am. I reserve the right to be passionate without being penalized, to be curious and kind to who I choose. More often than not, I’ve seen people go from my life for those choices, but I know I am stronger for it and that given the choice again I would choose the same thing.
Today, I’d love to hear from you about what you reserve the right to be stubborn for. What parts of yourself would you not give up, even if it meant going it alone? Share your thought, Clutchettes!