Picture this. You meet someone you really like, you vibe like nobody’s business, you get each other’s quirky jokes, and he (or she) makes you smile from the inside out. When you’re together nothing else in the world seems to matter, and when you’re apart…your mind constantly wanders to him.

As the dates progress, the talk, and actions, quickly get more and more sensual—a rubbed thigh, a well-placed hand, suggestive conversations. Both of you know it’s coming…but before you hit the sheets, the talk turns to past lovers.

“So how many people have you been with?”

The question that can sometimes make or break a budding relationship.

While it shouldn’t matter how many partners you’ve had (as long as you’ve practiced safe sex & know your status), most of the time it does.

If your number is considered “too high” by your potential lover, it could derail the love thang y’all got going on. However, if your number is “too low” by their standards, they may feel like you’re too inexperienced, or worse, lying.

So what’s a girl to do?

When you’re getting to know someone you think could be your boo, do you share the real count of your past lovers or do you fudge the numbers to make yourself look better in their eyes?

Let’s talk about it!



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  • I personally don’t like it when a man has been with too many women. I hate manhoes or hehoes. I don’t lie about my number since it’s low enough that I don’t feel the need to lie or be ashamed. If a guy thinks I’m lying then oh well.

    I really don’t think most not ALL women should have high numbers anyway since sex isn’t as enjoyeable for the average woman the same way it’s enjoyable for the average man. So taking that along with possible unplanned pregnancy and women being far more susceptible to STDs … why should I have more partners than I have fingers.

    *chic noir stomps foot*

    Man I can’t tell you ladies how upset I would be if my boyfriend turned out to be a 30 second brother(24/7 365). After all the risks I took to “give him some” and he gonna do that. Let’s not even talk about the vegan brothers *wink wink*, man I wish my boyfriend would try to pull that on me.

    *shakes head*
    Yall will see me on Snapped talking in the third person.

  • opinionatedgal

    I think it’s more important to discuss safety, STD testing and whether or not someone regularly practices safe sex than to know the number of partners.

    • Tomi-chan

      Thank you!

  • Ms. Terious

    I’m speaking from absolute experience and I will say, without a shadow of a doubt, do NOT tell him. Do NOT. Do Not. Do not. A dude might say that he will not judge you or that he WANTS to know but do not tell him. I told my boyfriend and he totally flipped out. I would give my left ovary to go back and never tell him anything. I know that this is just my experience but my advice to women is to be wait until later in the relationship when you “know” how your man will respond.

  • cupcakes and shiraz

    I think that one’s past is just that…The past. Unless they have something that affects the present (incurable STD or HIV, baby mamas/daddies or crazy exes) then it’s not anyone’s business.

    That said- I am celibate and have been for years. Not for any moral reasons, but because I have other interests and don’t need sex in my life like that. So it’s not a problem for me to wait until the right person comes along.