It is common knowledge amongst me and my friends that you should not expect a guy to call you when he asks for your number. Yes, you read my statement correctly. I have become hip to the game. I realize that some men will waste time and effort to approach you in a social setting, make good conversation/chatter, ask for your number, go home, and not call. This has also been validated by close male friends who tell me that they have occasionally partaken in this unjust social experiment.

This is what we expect. Which is why it is so interesting when they actually do call. And ask you out on a date.

My tone may seem pessimistic, but I’m not a pessimist, I swear! (At least not from 2009 until present).

What doesn’t work is after numerous dates, appearances, phone conversations, g chats, Facebook messages, Facebook pokes and the like, you call _______ (insert name of guy) to talk or discuss a joke shared between the two of you and he doesn’t answer. Or call you back. Ever. Again.

You’ve just experienced the fade away.

Let’s list the obvious reason first. He’s just not that into you, right? But how do you go from speaking to an individual almost 3-4 times a week, to no call, no show? If you weren’t that interested you could’ve let me know so that I could watch all of the episodes of Kim & Kourtney Take New York that I dvr’d, instead of going on a date with you. You could’ve kept that $100-$300 dollars that you spent wining and dining me for the past few weeks on a girl you were actually interested in.

In college I could tell when the fade away was going to happen. You call _______ and he doesn’t answer, but then calls you back days later with a lame excuse. Or there’s a big party on Saturday night and ________ tells you he’s not going to be there, but then you see him in the corner getting it in with another chick to the Ying Yang Twins’ Saltshaker. These are traits of someone who’s just not that into you. But what do you do when you think its smooth sailing and you get the fade away with a rebound dunked in your face?

There’s a great scene in a movie called Broken English, where the main character Nora Wilder is eating lunch with her mother. Nora is dangerously unlucky in love. Her mother inquires as to why she looks so down and Nora tells her mother that she is just tired of the unknown in her romantic life. She says, “I think I must be doing something horribly wrong, but I don’t know what it is.”

It made me think of how many times I’ve sat and tried to replay from beginning to end what could’ve went wrong. Where was the initial sign? I know everything won’t have a “Kumbaya” ending, but a simple “thanks but no thanks” will do.

Ladies and Gents, please discuss.


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  • Lizzers

    I LOVE THIS ARTICLE> if only because I can relate to this experience all too well. Honestly, I get annoyed that this dude even takes up space in my phone book, there IS a limit to how many people can go into your address book I’m almost positive. Maybe not in the Iphone. But I’m sure in a blackberry. Anyways, what intrigues me most is that boys cannot explain WHY they even bother getting our number. Or calling us. Or hanging out with us. Why do men exist really. We can just call ourselves.

  • Isis

    um I expect a man to call if he asked for my number. lol Fade aways are some damn immature. Seriously! Be honest and keep your good karma intact.

  • Rastaman

    In my younger days when I was out and about, sometimes I would meet a woman have a great conversation and even take her number but not call. Generally because after thinking about it, I really was not that attracted and I decided why start something I am not really into. Then there are the women I do call and we have conversations and we even go out on a few dates, I learned very early to develop a rule:
    If she never calls me unless, I call her, she is out; If after a few dates she never once initiates us doing something together, she is out; If when we are out she is invested in her text messages, emails or phone calls, she is out; if in getting to know her, she is increasingly less attractive she is out. Sometimes you may wish to explain but there are other times you don’t really care to explain, especially when your fade away is prompted by some off putting behavior.

    Ladies you are not always the victims, sometimes you are just being rewarded for your behavior.

  • T Money

    I am by no means an expert on dating however I have made some observations. Well I have noticed that men tend to find motivation by focusing on their ego because there ego provides their sense of self worth. I think the only purpose of asking for your number is to fulfill the need for affirmation that he is worthy, attractive, and a real man. Im not saying that this is wrong or unnatural but I am saying that sometimes the satisfaction , for the man, ends there. Every number he asks for isnt really an attempt to start dating because he just want to say “I could have If I wanted to.” This sucks for the woman because she needs some sense of affirmation that she is moving forward in life towards marriage. Im not saying that men dont desire marriage but I do think that women spend more of their time worrying about it. Just an observation. I do realize that I havent met every man and women in the world therefore I can not speak for them all. Great article by the way ;)