When I was growing up and observing the relationship practices of some of the adults on retro TV shows, I noticed that for some women, being submissive was the name of the game. To do for your mate meant you might qualify to get and keep a man. When coupled with a passive approach to disagreements, bending over backward for your man would often deem you sweeter on the heart and eyes, which would qualify you as the type of woman to take home to his mother.

But where does someone learn this?

This type of fairytalistic viewpoint wasn’t necessarily a practice that was etched into our psyche by gunpoint during home ec. classes. However, that Sally Home-maker mentality— the “Yes Woman” that does as she’s told and not what she wants to do–is a sentiment that hovered heavily over the mind of many teenage girls who could turn on the TV and tune into this ignorance, even if they thought the journey was worth the outcome.

There’s no shame in having respect for your significant other. However, when you apply information like this to life improperly it can mean the difference between a woman who knows how to respect a man and care for herself at the same time, and those who allow someone to walk all over them because they gave up all of their power.

Some women in relationships compromise their worth, integrity, and respect just to have someone to say, “I love you,” to, or in some instances, a reason to complain about being in a relationship.

“He never lets me go out with my girlfriends, but I’m supposed be cool with him not coming home for dinner?”

“I could be having the greatest day in the world, and then John will call and unload all his problems on me like it’s my fault or something.”

“Men are all the same, I just broke up with one who thought it was okay to cheat on me, so why am I going to run out and sign up for the same punishment with a new waste of time?

“I wish my man would stop sweating me about my weight, I know I’ve gained a little, but his lack of support is only making me want to eat more.”

“I buy things for my husband and kids before I even consider getting something for myself. And the worse part about it is that I think they all take me for granted; they never return the favor.”

“It’s my car, but he drives it more than me. I practically have to beg to borrow it.”

However you choose to be controlled–plugging oneself into another soul and granting them power over our emotions and actions–it boils down the same way. The result is always a negative one, however, that hasn’t stopped so many women from kneeling to their chosen misfortune.

Like a light switch, it’s time to shut off the ignorance, while powering up a backbone and some cajones. Being a slave to a man’s wishes, actions, and emotions that do little to support your own needs doesn’t make you a victim of oppression, or a fool for love— it makes you a fool period, especially for forgetting that with every breath we breathe, comes the promise of free will.

Happiness is an option, I challenge you to man your own wheel.

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