We’ve all got our list: Tall, dark, and handsome. Ambitious, intelligent, funny. Lover of good music, good people, and good experiences. Single, and no kids—we hope?

Dating is tough enough, but dating someone with a child can make getting to know each other that much more difficult. Not only will you have to consider the person’s schedule (being spontaneous can be damn-near impossible if you have to find a babysitter) and their relationship with the child’s other parent, but inevitably, you’ll also have to see how you and the kid get along.

With nearly 70% of Black children being raised in single-parent households, it’s almost unavoidable that one day you’ll run across a sexy, successful, educated, ambitious man or woman who also happens to be a parent, but is it a deal breaker?

Clutchettes and Gents…would you date someone who has a child (or children)? Have you? How’d it work out?

Let’s talk about it! 

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  • Jinx Moneypenny

    If I wasn’t already taken of course.

    I’m kinda bristling at the amount of people who’ve commented referring to kids as “baggage”. They’re kids. Not suitcases full of clothes and shoes.

    • Minnie

      To people who do not want kids, they are baggage. Most people who don’t have kids don’t look at them the same way parents do; to us they are money, time, commitment and take away from a relationship, and tether the person with kids to the other parent basically for life.

  • Minnie

    I do not want kids, and I want the man I plan to marry to be child free as well. Its not just about his kids though. If I am going to marry this guy, and he has kids under 18, that’s money coming out of my household for a long time! Next, I agree with an earlier reply by another poster; a woman had this guy’s KID(S) and she still wasn’t good enough for him to marry, so what does that mean for me? Also, there is an increased chance of him having an STD, since there was at least one person (if not more) that he had unprotected sex with. STDs are like kids to me; Don’t have them, don’t want them. And finally, I’m a bit selfish, A man with a kid will ALWAYS have something in common with his ex, they will always have common ground with the child. Frankly, I don’t want to share him. Multiple children by multiple women tells me that this man not only disrespects women, he is also irresponsible. I’m not judging anyone, I’m just stating facts. I’m 28, I am able to be responsible (I’m abstinent now) why don’t I deserve someone else responsible too?

  • Donna

    I think it is selfish of the person who has a child wanting to date a childree woman. I have a female friend with 2 kids who was dating a man with 2 kids. The reason he broke up was he wanted to find a childfree woman. How insane is that? Women without child are so because they made up their mind not to have children. I for one do not want children and I therefore do not want to take care of some other womans child. You have to deal with custody battles, child alimony support. I did it once and NEVER again. The chilren always come first which is insane. Once I had a wedding to got to the same day as my ex had a sons baseball game. Which did he go to? The sons baseball game. Well there is only one wedding but many other baseball games he could have gone too. I also notice that there are some women with adult kids who wont date a man with young children yet they have kids themselves. I worked hard for everything I have (ph.d and house) I dont want to spend my hard earned money to send some other womans children to college. etc. What about wills? If you marry the single dad who is going to be on the will? Some people say at 43 it is impossible to meet a man without children I say no it is not. I have a few male friend who are in thier 40’s and 50’s who have never been married and do not have children. Frankly I would rather be alone then 2nd or 3rd best. Did that and I learned a huge lesson. Anyone who calls you selfish is plain and simply ignorant. Do you notice that it is always the single parents that are the ones who you selfish but I think if they were in the same position as us they would want the same. I put no children and dont want children on my dating site. People just ignored my request and contacted me anyway. That shows that all they did was look at a picture to make their decision and totally disrespected the traits that I wanted. That was selfish. I wrote to one man who contacted me with 5 kids. I got tired of people disrespecting what I wanted so I wrote me him a polite e-mail back asking why he would contact me when I specifically put down no kids. He became abusive because of the rejection. It is a preference just like a man who does not want to date a women who is overweigth. What right does he have to tell me what I should feel and try to change my opinion. I think that single dads should date single moms and that is it.