Dating is apparently governed by a set of unwritten rules that dictate who should pay, who should initiate the date, how long you should wait to have sex, and so on. But despite books, conversations with your friends, and seemingly common knowledge, many of us are clueless about these “rules” or like to break them—regularly.

I’d place myself somewhere in between. While I respect the dating game (well, the old school version), I am a modern woman and like to do things my way. But when it comes to calling a man I’ve just met first, for some reason I turn into an ultra traditional woman who waits for the man to make the first move.

But am I missing out?

It’s happened plenty of times. I’m out at a lounge, or the market, or on the train, and end up chatting up a handsome man. I’m fairly clever, so I make him laugh, we smile at one another…a lot, and we end up exchange numbers. But now what?

Many women (a lot of my friends included) feel like a man will call you if he’s really interested, and if you never hear from him, that means he’s otherwise occupied. But what happens if he just gets busy or forgets or loses your number?

Do you just write him off or do you try to make the first call?Does it even matter who makes the first move anymore?

Let’s talk about it! 

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  • It’s all about your personal preference. If you wanna wait around for men all your life, be my guest. I think if you’re interested in someone, it’s stupid to just wait for them. There’s nothing wrong with us showing our interest as women. I think the whole “let a man be a man” is one of the most stifling and limiting mantras out there. If a man is truly a man, you’re not letting him be anything. He already is. Be a woman and stop acting scared. Take control of your own love life. Then you will have no one to blame when you’re crying to your friends about how lonely you are. I’m sorry, but that mindset of waiting for men to initiate is straight played out. No one says you can’t initiate, so why do we still abide by these stupid rules. If he’s busy or loses the number, and we never initiate, then the connection is lost. It’s just dumb to risk that, when you can be the master of your own journey at all times. Give him a chance by making the first move and see where it goes. It doesn’t make you less of a woman, it will probably make him respect you more and you will come off as confident and knowing what you want.

    • Veronica


    • Timcampi


  • RealityCheck

    SMH at some of these comments. Keeping waiting on that man to call….most of you will be apart of the “Lonely Vagina Club”. I know that everyone is entitled to their opinions but, some of you are really clueless. Think outside of the box for once.

  • Ravi

    I, for one, can appreciate a woman that takes initiative. This idea that men will call if they are interested just doesn’t jive with reality. I’m sure that quite often he will call if interested, but that certainly doesn’t mean that is the case with every man. This adherence to purposeless conceptions of gender and propriety seem to be counterproductive.

  • Pink

    I guess I’m still old school. If a man is really interested he will make the first call / move. Read “He’s Just not /that Into You.” Point is if a man is really smitton he will cross mountains to communicate with you,

  • Rastaman

    It is always amusing when people camouflage their fears with convention.

    • Are You Serious Bro

      LOL I was thinking the same thing while reading the article and comments. The fear of rejection socially masked as “its the man job to initiate, a lady should never do such thing.” Funny when the relationship starts, that script gets flipped rather quickly.”I GOT YOU NOW SUCKA” Oh well what can you do……