Remember the days when you met someone, you liked them for a while, maybe even loved them, went out on dates, had passionate sex and enjoyed life?  Remember when they started to annoy you and you began avoiding their phone calls and eventually them at all costs?  When that happened, what did you do?  If you’re like most normal people you simply ended things.  Maybe there was some yelling, a tear or Angela Bassett style burning of left behind belongings, but for the most part you just let go and moved on.

Not any more.

Lately it seems like everywhere I turn people have forgotten the simple, timeless art of breaking up.  What was once a temporary inconvenience has turned into a life altering nightmare of epic and even tragic proportions.  Uttering the words ‘I think we should end this,’ can now get you sued or even killed.  I recently watched an old episode of Dr. Phil where one guest, Bonnie, had to deal with her soon-to-be ex husband writing and distributing vicious lies, in what her ex called The Bonnie Chronicles, to everyone she knows including her boss!  Another guest, Dawn allegedly unknowingly fell for a married man, broke it off when she found out he was indeed married, only to be sued later on by the man’s wife under North Carolina’s alienation of affection law, the same law that had singer Fantasia caught up.  In a more tragic case, Felicia Cruz, a mother of two, was murdered by her boyfriend of just five months, Miguel Pena, simply because she refused to move to Florida with him and was trying to break things off.  Two children are now without their mother because some jerk couldn’t take no for an answer.

When did breaking up with someone get this serious?!  I understand hurt feelings and not wanting to let go of someone you feel you love, but to resort to lawsuits and murder is past extreme.  Do you really need to sue because your man couldn’t keep his soul pole in his pants?  Do you really need to spread vicious lies and strip someone of their livelihood all to show how much you’re hurting?  Does the other person need to literally die?  When did breaking up breakdown?  When did it become unacceptable to just leave an unhappy relationship?  This society of instant gratification and entitlement has given certain people permission to feel as if the other person owes them something for wanting to leave.  It has told people that they don’t have to assume responsibility for their part in the demise, that they can simply pass the blame.  It has given people the false idea that hurt, loss and healing are not real parts of life so they don’t have to truly accept it; they don’t have to suck it up and move on.

Fortunately I’ve never had to live any of the experiences I’ve mentioned and I pray that I never will.  I prefer my breakups the old fashioned way.  However, for countless other women, and men, in the world this is a serious new reality.  The breakup has broken down, times have drastically changed and your very next breakup could very well end up being your last.

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    That’s why people need to be really careful with not only romantic interests, but also any associations period.

    Really screen people and feel them out thoroughly before befriending and/or anything beyond that.

    • You took the words out of my mouth.I don’t believe that this is a new thing going on.I believe that these people were damaged to begin with.We all need to use our discretion before getting involved with someone.

  • Patricia

    When it comes to meeting new guys now. Two things worry me the most. Is he crazy? Most men don’t act crazy until you leave them anyway. Then next, who is lurking around him? If he has a jilted lover or someone that just can’t go away; then these females are killing the woman now. I mean it really is dangerous out here. A lot of men are capable of telling lies. They sleep with these women and fail to them that it’s just sex. So when the other female finds out he is dating someone seriously, she tends to snap. Once the other female does snap, it is usually taken out on the main woman. I just have too much to lose so that is why I’m not quick to go out with all the men that ask; especially, if I feel as if something isn’t right. Oh my…Good luck to us all!

  • dragonlady73

    Had a very close family friend get murdered by her husband right in front of her kids. He actually shot her while she was holding their 5 month old. It was awful. Thing is–he told her when she first met him that he would never let her go and that she would always be his. I guess she thought that was real and true love. Over the years he was abusive, both physically and verbally. They were only married for about three years. Then when she tried to leave him this is what happens. He did it in the front yard in broad daylight. Then had the audacity to refuse to release her body to the family –FROM HIS JAIL CELL!!!! They had to go to court just so they would release the body to her mother. How horrible is that?!!!! I don’t play with guys when they say obsessive sounding things. My boyfriend did recently and I almost ripped into him. He insisted he was playing then I explained the severity of such statements to me. I told him that would be cause enough for me to get down on him. I can’t do it. Dang, why can’t they just let people leave?!!!!

  • moi

    yeah i think people are too caught on relationships

    i understand it nice to be in one but you should like being by yourself aswell

  • Shawna

    Bonnie was my sisters 6th grade teacher …she flashed her and her friends and when they went to the principal about it she made their lives a living hell. So most likely what was posted in the book was probably true, as she seemed to have some issues. About a year ago, my sister saw her at her vocational school, where she was attending to become a cosmetologist. As Bonnie sat there getting her hair done by my sisters friend my sister decided to start conversation about her being her old teacher. Bonnie denied ever having my sister in class and denied even knowing who she was …so clearly the lady is not well.