Like a lot of women, I’m a huge Sex and the City fan. SATC is one of those shows that really impacted pop culture in many ways. First, it introduced many of us to Jimmy Choos and Manolo Blahniks. And remember those Manolo Blahnik timbs that were all the rage back in 2000? Yeah … me neither. (-__-)
Carrie and crew had women everywhere ordering Cosmos even though they taste like cough syrup, vodka, and disappointment. Samantha had ladies proud of their conquests because they were now allowed to freak anything that walks in the name of vaginal liberation (no judgment, but HPV is REAL). Miranda had women thinking it was okay to be an abrasive, self-centered jackasses with thin hair, STILL pulling men left and right (and one man included Blair Underwood. But HOW??? Lemme quit being a hater). And Charlotte made the 30-something desperado look adorable (yay for argyle sweaters!).
Above all, Sex and the City is liable for something that is still leaving women all high and dry. I call it the “Mr. Big Syndrome,” and I think way more women have it than you think. It’s actively destroyed some folks’ frame of reference of what healthy dating habits should look like (read: leaving women more single than that one sock you found in the dryer).
Throughout the series, Carrie — the lead character played by Sarah Jessica Parker — dates a rich, charismatic guy named Mr. Big on and off. They made up and broke up many, many times. Add two dollops of commitment phobia on both sides, a marriage to someone else by Mr. Big, and one cheating episode involving Carrie, and you get the Cliff Notes version of their dysfunction. But, they had a happy ending; eventually, Mr. Big married Carrie after leaving her at the altar one time. O__O
Most women have had a Mr. Big in their dating history. He’s the guy who is sexy, financially stable, and has this “je ne sais quoi” that makes him irresistible. Plus, you feel like intellectually, he is Einstein. AND, in bed, he’s so good it’s like he memorized the entire Kama Sutra. He is just EVERYTHING — except reliable or committed to you.
He’s the dude that flies you to Paris and leaves the room in the middle of the night on some “we can’t wake up together. You’d think we were … together.” Remember him? Most folks have had something similar. All they do is keep you interested enough to where you’re hung up, but they don’t commit.
And here goes the chorus that I hear from a lot of women: “BUT BIG MARRIED CARRIE!”
Sure, Big married Carrie. But did he not leave her at the altar first? Oh. Right. His excuse for leaving her at the altar was that she didn’t pay attention to the fact that he didn’t want a big wedding — she had turned it into a big New York socialite event.
*flips a table*
*kicks every trashcan in a 5 mile radius*
The moment you stand me up at our wedding and embarrass me in front of 300 people is the moment we’re a wrap! While I got on my custom made Vera Wang dress? AND my entire Nigerian family flew in and got fancy clothes with big headties made? AND the cake went to waste? Yeah … the relationship is pretty much null and void at that point. YOU AIN’T GON’ EMBARRASS ME LIKE THAT!! That is what you’re not gon’ do!
But … Carrie still married Big in spite of that. Then Mr. Big became the perfect husband. After she chased him, jumped through hoops and repeatedly got her heart broken by him. He finally committed. Whoopty-doo-dah!!!
And Cinderella found her Prince because he found her glass slipper. Both are just as believable.
Carrie won her prize, but in REAL life, I doubt she would have.
In REAL life, you may spend years chasing Mr. Big, hoping for that elusive ring that may never come. You wait for him to commit. And you wait. And wait some more. You also ignore all the other worthy candidates that come across your path. That’s how some people end up owning five cats and singing lonely love songs.
And even if he DOES eventually commit on some “I will marry you Gina. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?” steeze, it doesn’t mean he stops being unreliable.
A Mr. Big can be great in your 20s. If you’re 30-something and still chasing your Mr. Big, you MIGHT want a new strategy. If you have a Mr. Big, I hope you know the position he plays. Enjoy him. Go on the trips. But when you want to get your family game right, he might not be the one. Let Mr. Big go, so someone worthy of your time and willing to commit to you can take up your time and energy.
Don’t let Sex and the City be the downfall of your love life, holding on to a relationship that never existed beyond thrilling trips, wild sex, and the occasional forehead kiss.
Do you have a Mr. Big? Are you still with him? Carrie married Mr. Big, but how many people marry THEIR Mr. Big in REAL LIFE? Don’t worry. I’ll wait.
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*Read more from Luvvie at her award-winning humor blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com