When I got four wisdom teeth pulled in April, I was getting prepped when I looked to the right and saw a vial of propofol on the table. Yes, I actually did an inner wall slide because I recognized the name immediately. My doctor said, “Ok we’re about to inject this in your IV. Count backwards from 5.” I only made it to 3 before I was out cold. For 2 hours. Propofol clearly plays no games, and that name meant nothing to me before June 25, 2009.

Real life writes greater tragedies than Shakespeare ever could, and tales more epic than any Greek myth. The story of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, is proof of this. MJ was the biggest star in our lifetimes, and his star was so bright that it was blinding. However, his legend crashed as his reputation was dragged through the mud by his known addiction to prescription drugs, multiple surgeries and scandals involving children. Yet and still, he never lost his title of the King of Pop. As he plotted a comeback, his life was cut short by a drug overdose. Now, the trial to bring justice to his death has started and it is breaking my heart.

The case against Dr. Murray for Involuntary Manslaughter is only days old and already, so much has come out about the last days of Michael Jackson. As more details emerge, the picture being painted is of a man who was broken beyond any of our imaginations. Michael Jackson’s death certificate said he died from an “acute propofol intoxication,” and the person thought to have administered it is Dr. Conrad Murray, his personal doctor.

Soon after MJ died, we found out about his addiction to propofol, an anesthesia that is used to put people to sleep during surgeries and other invasive procedures in hospitals. Anytime Propofol is used, there needs to be someone in the room whose only job at the time is to monitor the patient’s vitals. It can shut down brain activity within seconds.

How does one get addicted to that beast in a bottle? MJ’s addiction to anesthesia spoke volumes about the level of access he had to everything. He was clearly not the average drug user if he had people supplying him with medicine that is only authorized for use in a hospital setting. And he was using it as a nightly sleep aid.

In this trial against Dr. Murray, the defense is saying that the doctor only used propofol because MJ had been using it for so long without adverse effect. AND without need for constant vital monitoring. Moreover, the defense argues that MJ gave himself the final dose of propofol and popped 8 lorazepam pills while Dr. Murray went to the bathroom. According to them, that’s what stopped his heart.

The possibility that the King of Pop was a person who ended his own life (albeit, accidentally) is saddening. He wanted his comeback so much, according to everyone around him, so for his death to happen as a result of those actions is even more heartbreaking. But to know that he was so desperate for sleep that he might have taken these pills and shot his IV up with anesthesia just makes me all choked up. Michael Jackson didn’t think that his life would end so instantly on that day in June 2009. All he wanted was to sleep but he didn’t think it would be permanently.

It’s no less tragic if it’s proven that Dr. Murray was the person who administered that final dose of propofol. However, it is hard to argue one thing, and that is Dr. Murray was negligent as a doctor to give MJ propofol without monitoring his vitals and outside of a hospital. Did he kill the King of Pop on purpose? Of course not. No one wants to be that guy. But did his actions directly lead to MJ’s death? Very possibly. No matter if he is exonerated of all charges eventually, he will probably always be known as “The Man Who Killed the King of Pop.”

As I’ve been keeping up with the trial, what has disturbed me even more has been the photo that has been released. I made the mistake of going on TMZ and at the top of one of the articles was a picture of MJ’s dead body on a gurney at the hospital with the word “HOMICIDE” on it. I was shocked. He looked small and pale. He wasn’t that larger than life character we knew him to be.

Then I heard the heartbreaking audio of Michael Jackson from May 10, 2009, 6 weeks before his death. The voice on that audio was not at all the MJ voice we all knew. It wasn’t that soft, thin, boyish voice that had a tiny bit of innocence. This voice was of a man. A man who was drugged up, and battling demons greater than himself. I would have NEVER heard that clip and thought it was Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, if I wasn’t explicitly told. That voice is so new to me and it’s a bit hard for me to grasp that it was his.

It made my heart drop. All of this paints a picture of a man who was plagued by enormous demons that had a strong grip on him.

We all knew Michael Jackson battled a drug addiction, and an obsession to surgery, among other oddities. However, not until his death did we find out how tortured really he was. The King of Pop was an amazing musician. He was untouchable in that realm, but his demons might have been greater than his music.

As more details emerge in this trial, we’re only going to be let privy to more of the dark details about the King of Pop. I’m afraid that the details surrounding MJ’s death will only further tarnish his already murky legacy.


What do you think? Will Michael Jackson’s legacy suffer as a result of this trial? 

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