I’m fully prepared (and by that I mean, I’m absolutely dreading) the day that my girlfriend leaves me for Idris Elba. Everyday I wait for word that she has run off to a villa in the south of France is letting Idris Elba eat sushi off of her naked body. I’m OK with that image and possible reality (and by that I mean, I’m getting insanely jealous and angry just thinking about it). It’s fine. Idris wins.

I’ve known about her Idris obsession since before we started dating. She made it very clear that she did not consider sleeping with Idris Elba cheating. I know what I signed up for. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for their inevitable meeting and running off to be married in London and raising beautiful children that will someday break my children’s hearts the same way their mother did to me. I’ve tried to accept it, but this may come down to fisticuffs.

I actually really like Idris Elba. As an actor he’s done some work I find truly compelling. His BBC show Luther is one of the most intense dramas I’ve ever seen on television. He had a short but memorable role opposite Denzel Washington in American Gangster that have the utmost respect for. And of course there’s his turn as Stringer Bell, one of the most important characters in the saga that became the greatest television show in history, The Wire. I can say that I’m generally a fan of his work (save for that horrid flick he did with Beyonce a couple years ago).

And I can see why my girlfriend finds him attractive. Not even I can deny it: Idris Elba is a sexy man. I’m no slouch, if I do say so myself (and at this point, I have to), but guys like me stand next to guys like Idris and you forget guys like me exist. He could very easily step into the role of James Bond, as the rumor mill suggests he might. He screams sex appeal and exudes charm. He’s so freakin’ cool.

He’s the type of cool I used to, and to some degree still, envy. It’s effortless. It’s Sidney Poitier/Miles Davis/Jay-Z brand of cool where it simply oozes from their very existence because that’s just how God and their mama intended it. No one thought I was cool until people started falling in love with black nerds, and who knows how long this fad will last. I could lose this battle any day now.

In all seriousness, I’m not really worried. These celebrity crush/fantasies are generally harmless. They aren’t rooted in much more than raw sexual energy and lust. And although there are times I wish I could capture the same type of gaze from her that is reserved for Idris, I know from past experience that a relationship can’t be sustained on intense sexual chemistry alone. So even if one day their paths crossed, I have confidence, shaky as it may be, that what exists between is so strong she would resist all temptation… or at least sleep with him and never tell me about. Idris can have my girl’s imagination. I’ll take her heart.

Besides, she knows that if Anika Noni Rose ever winks my way, I am Usain Bolt-ing my way into her arms. And she’ll just have to live with that.

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