Just got a press release from ABC that manages to be disheartening, disrespectful and depressing all at once. Peep (emphasis mine):

 “When it comes to black women and marriage, perhaps the only thing more disheartening than the dire statistics — 70 percent of them are unmarried, studies have shown — is the tedious conversation itself. But a new book adds fresh ideas and a new tone to the conversation, suggesting black women need to start looking for suitable mates outside their race.

“Many women would do well to expand their options in the same way people of other races have, and look beyond black men in their search for a partner,” Stanford law professor Ralph Richard Banks told “Nightline.” “Black women are the most segregated group in our society when it comes to relationships.”

For his book, “Is Marriage for White People?”, Banks conducted roughly 100 interviews with African-Americans about their marriage and dating ideals and experiences. His explanation as to why marriage rates are so low among black Americans is that there is a shortage of eligible black men. “There’s a social catastrophe going on in terms of black men,” he said. “Imprisonment numbers, unemployment numbers, under-performance academically, these are crisis not just for African-Americans, but for the nation.”

…In 2009 “Nightline” spoke with four single, African-American professional women in Atlanta about the relative difficulty they and others like them had finding husbands. One of them called it the “black girl curse.” Almost two years later, they’re still dating, but no one has put a ring on it (FOUR women who are single after TWO years…whoa! And they thought they’d be married if they were single less than two years ago? Oh.-JL)

Last year, “Nightline: Face-Off” put the question — “why can’t a successful black woman find a man?” — to an all-star panel, which included Steve Harvey, Sherri Shepherd, Jacque Reid, Jimi Izrael and Hill Harper, and opened the discussion up to a wide audience. Almost 1,000 people showed up to the Porter Sanford Performing Arts Center in Atlanta to watch. “Women are looking for men that don’t exist,” Izrael said at the time. “They’re looking for this picture-perfect archetype.” (He knows all the single Black women, apparently.-JL)

The general consensus among the black men who were on that panel: black women need to scale down expectations and stop being so picky (DROP DEAD-JL). Misguided advice, according to Banks.
Only about 9 percent of black women are married to men of a different race — compare that to 41 percent of Hispanic women, 48 percent of Asian women and 58 percent of Native American women in the United States. However only 8 percent of white women marry outside their race (So why aren’t the droves of single White women being encouraged to date non-White men?-JL). To Banks, it seems like it is time for a change.

“Intermarriages have actually been rising for everyone,” Banks said. “Black women have fought the good fight. They have engaged in what one friend described as a ‘noble effort,’ trying to lift black men. That’s praiseworthy, but at the same time we should recognize that, that strategy hasn’t really worked.”

It’s fair to say that strategy of trying to find a suitable husband within her race hasn’t worked for Tomika Anderson…(I’m done.-JL)

You can read the rest of it here. Can we please just not tune in, not Tweet about it…make it go away? If we watch and engage, these BS specials will keep being made.

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  • i agree with the author… ignore the facts and eventually it will go away

  • Timcampi

    Ugh. Their whole study is disingenuous. I’m seething with anger.

    The Facts:
    70% of black women are supposedly CURRENTLY unmarried. By the time all these women hit 40 at least 90% of them will be. Second. Marriage rates are falling across the board. Third. Along with that people are choosing to get married LATER in life due to expenses and oh, I don’t know the COST OF CHILDREN. Fourth. Before anyone starts this angry blackmen/blackwomen interracial dating BS. Most black men marry black women. That rate is at over 90%. Same goes for whites. Whites are the LEAST likely to date inter-racially. Hispanic men and women of non-Caucasian decent are the most likely. Followed by Asian women, Black men, and Asian men and Black women are the least likely to date inter-racially out of all minorities (I’ll take all the hangooknamja, lol). Fifth this is an examination of single black women above the age of 15. How many 15 year olds do you know with husbands? Sixth. This is not taking into account the amount of people living together/dating/gay/lesbian/etc.

    http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/acs-13.pdf [Look especially at the income of the majority of those getting married. CLEARLY marriage is an economic thing. Don’t believe me? Here you go: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/20/marriage-rates-declining-_n_1011035.html; http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/09/29/130218357/for-most-americans-marriage-is-an-economic-decision-sociologist-says%5D

    We’re Not Lonely:
    If you really are that goddamn desperate to start a family, then by all means wait for your black man. Or go interracial. Black men who are overly concerned about how these relationships turn out? Don’t be. Black men inter=racially dating are more twice as likely as white-white relationships to fail. Black women who date inter-racially are half as likely as white-white relationships to fail. 44% less likely to be exact. It’s odd how we are the root of all evil, yet some how we aren’t? But I digress…


    Another, More Feminist, Issue:
    No one’s going to tell a man– black, white, whatever– what he needs to do in order to catch a woman. Did you forget it’s “our job” as women to attract as many dudes as possible? The media is on no woman’s side. It’s even worse if you’re a minority.

    Yet Another More Feminist Issue:
    Um. Are you kidding me with this White Man Insecurity BS? This is a hetero-normative patriarchal and above all, RACIST society. Meaning if you’re any sort of uncolored, straight male, you are at the tippy top of your game. Hence, we’re told to date them. It is the equivalent of “dating up”. Nine times out of ten, if you are a successful black woman with a degree and a good job you’ll be hard pressed to find a black man of the same caliber. Yet, it’s so much easier to find a Caucasian man (or better still, an Asian man) with the same credentials. Instead of fixing the education gap, this is an easy patch, get it?

    About Lowering Our Standards…:
    Don’t. A good number of black men are in jail. A good number are uneducated. A good number are racist against themselves and their own. BUT a greater number of them are awesome, smart, nerdy, athletic, worldly, whatever. Black men are just like any other type of dude. It’s nothing special. If you don’t find one here, you’ll find plenty in Africa. The dating market is a shifty b*tch for EVERYONE as of late. Shouldn’t you be focusing on your career anyway? You know your dream hubby is anyway…


    TL;DR: Some science up in this b*tch. Marriage is an economic thing. Blacks are poor. Thus we has no marriage. END.

    Now can we drop this topic once and for all? Don’t make me break out the “You Rock Don’t Ever Change” speech. You are not the issue. Do not change who you are to match a STANDARD. Stop dispensing dating advice to each other like you’re all going after the same THREE GUYS. It’s disgustingly thirsty. It is not that bad. Calm down and stop talking about how lonely you are and maybe the world will stop examining your bedroom.

    • damidwifd

      @timcampi. thaaaannnnkk yooooou. where have you been? ive been reading emails of these comments for days…so disgusted i was about to leave this site (again). no one wants to do the work of digging up the info and examining it with a critical mind. even in presenting it, they will still ignore it. *sigh

    • Timcampi


      I’m kind of concerned that this wasn’t the first response people had! Haha. The media has a very a history of misinterpreting and sensationalizing statistics in order to fit a trend, or manipulate men and women into buying more of what it’s marketing. Interracial dating just happens to be that new market. Mind you, I don’t really care what people do or who they decide to marry (I’m in an interracial relationship myself), but that decision should be made from genuine LOVE not because some weirdly detached counselor, who knows nothing about you other than your race, told you that your happiness was DIRECTLY TIED to the color of the man you married. How dare you force that agenda on someone? They are literally trying to say “These black men, they’re worthless. Destructive. Leave them.” It’s disgusting and some people are eating up this mentality like it’s the truth. Instead of remembering that it is racism, poor education, and more racism– sometimes perpetrated by the very same media itself– that allows the disenfranchisement of these men. In all honesty, I wish black women and black men would stop fighting each other and like, realize many of the claims made against them are founded on bullcrap. Just a little skepticism is all it takes.

      Everyone is hoping we’ll fail, and they’re NOT just doing it with us.Take a visit to any Asian-Male/Female oriented website and it gets ugly. Hell, I’ve even heard nasty things from Jewish men/women about the other side. I’ve realized that ALL minority men are emasculated and undermined by our current society, and some of them are angry. They are the vocal ones, but they certainly aren’t the majority. Not by a long shot.

    • “Shouldn’t you be focusing on your career anyway?”

      And that sums it up for me. Damn, ain’t nobody lookin for a man anyway! Why are they steady harping on this shit?

      IMO, Black women who want partnerships would do better if they started to date out cause I don’t buy that our situations are less dire than other people’s. But, realistically, Black men are the only dudes who aren’t taught that the women of their race are preferable to others, so, I just don’t think there’s this massive pool of non-black men for Black women to pick from anyway.

      Just do you. Live your life for you. Be happy with what you have. If a man eventually comes into the picture, great. If not, don’t live your life in misery!

  • Weirdugetdat Jewels


  • Weirdugetdat Jewels

    I never built my world around a man or put that much focus on a man because I like to do other things besides pursuing men. I also understand men come and go. My focus is survival whether I have a mate or not. It’s not about money but I don’t know any men who don’t understand that nothing is free in this life, and you must work in order to eat. I decided early in life to go to college, go in the military, pursue music, and be creative whenever and wherever I went. When a woman sows her garden, not only do she attracts finances, but people from all walks of life gravitate to her. That is because that woman has something to offer her household, her community, and the world. It’s more important for a woman to do the things that please God, not just a man. No magazine, No status quo, no statistic number can quite evaluate that because it doesn’t just pertain to race. The powers that be simply want black women to feel inadequate, but don’t want us to be too weary because we are needed to help nurture this planet and let the world suckle from us mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Just like massa babies did in the past. But I digress…..