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Awww first love. The love that consumes you, makes the world seem brand new and feels like it’s never going to end. Most of us were teenagers, some of us were a little older, but no matter when it happened, the moment you felt those butterflies for the very first time the emotions that came over you felt euphoric. Then it ends and the world as you knew it feels like it is coming to an end. Go outside, what’s that? Have fun, what’s fun about losing the love of your life? But then time moves on and the tears and hurt subside; life goes on. Before you know it you’ve met someone new and you think they are the best thing out and life looks good again. But where are those butterflies and that euphoric feeling? They’re there, but they’re light. You’re more hesitant, more cautious, more jaded to that thing called love.

When we’re younger the gravity of losing our first loves doesn’t really dawn on us until we get a little older and get into newer and more serious relationships. It’s only then that the hurt and issues truly start rearing their ugly heads. Sometimes the pain of losing our first loves appear in our actions (snooping, accusing, etc) but often, the pain lives in our heads and cause unnatural fears of abandonment or being cheated on. It makes us subconsciously push away those that may actually mean us no harm. We end up going from relationship to relationship seemingly over the puppy love from our youthful days, but in reality we’re carrying that love around with us. We’ll even bump into our loves from time to time and think “I am soooo over him,” but are we really?

We may have moved on from our teenage love affairs, but even though we were young, the impact of that moment in time can still affect us. Moving on doesn’t mean letting go and when you don’t let go of pain from the past it hurts your future. Take a moment to look at some of your past relationship issues and try to figure out exactly where the root of some of your fears truly came from. Sure that last guy was a cheater, but if you were snooping before you found that out, was the reason because you didn’t trust him or because some man before him, possibly your first love, cheated on you and broke your heart. If we’re honest with ourselves most of our fears in relationships go back to our first experiences with love and in order to truly move forward with love in the present, we have to forgive the one who misused our love in the past. We may not have understood the impact of the loss of first love then, but as adults we see and live its consequences daily. I’m not saying you have to call up your first love for closure, but look deep within yourself, acknowledge how that past could potentially be affecting your future, forgive and truly let it go. The freedom you’ll experience can make the love in front of you seem as euphoric as the first time.

Have you truly gotten over your first love? How do you think that first experience shaped your current outlook on relationships? What are your tips for letting go and moving on?

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  • fuschia

    My first love not only shape my outlook on love but he helped shape me as a person. I don’t think I will ever get over him. After my parents got divorced I didn’t believe in love. It took him a while to crack my shell in the first place but when he did he left me with a gift that allows me to see love and the potential of love. For that I thank him, and all future loves should thank him as well.

  • mimi2

    @mimi

    You’re not me….but apparently you are.

    After a year of breaking up, I’m not over him. Don’t think I will/want to be.
    I shakes my head at myself and cry at night.

  • Gypsy

    I met my first love when I was 13 yrs old and married him when I was 17 yrs old. I did not last 2 yrs. I married him again 7 yrs later, again it did not last. It’s been 30 yrs since I first met him. I saw a pictur yesterday of him and his new bride and I cried. Guess I will never get over my first love. Funny thing is that I don’t even like him much as a person and he was horrible to me. Aren’t humans strange!?

  • letting go

    My first love’s funeral is today. He died a week ago, in his 60’s, and I have had a week of confusing thoughts and feelings about it all. We met when we were 15, fell for each other, but we were so young and it didn’t work out. We went on to be good friends, stayed in touch until he married and I had moved on. I always thought of him as a good friend, someone from “yesterday”, but thought of periodically when something came up that reminded me of him. He loved his wife, and she was good for him. He was a good person, loved by a lot of people. I knew that I would always love him as a friend, but I felt that I had moved on. Then came his death…and the confusing thoughts and emotions. Should I/Shouldn’t I go to the funeral? Why did I want to go? Why not? Did I need closure, when I thought that I was fine? I wanted to go because I wanted to honor my friend. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to see what he had with his wife and family, and I wasn’t a part of that. I let myself process all week, not sure which I would do. I thought it might be good to go, to find closure. But would it hurt more than help? Not sure. I also didn’t want to be the “old girlfriend” showing up. I would never have considered contacting him before because I knew that he loved his wife…and it is beyond my values as a Christian. I was just ok with being friends…I thought. Then the feelings. Anyway, I decided this am that I would not go, because 1) I have my own life, and I didn’t want to live in the past, and 2) the main reason that I wanted to go was to see him…and he is the one in the coffin! So, where I wanted to connect again with him, I really couldn’t. Instead, I used my imagination this am, prayed for his family, and mentally let him go. I will always love him for what he was to me, for the person he was, and the memories, etc. But, like a favorite, slightly frayed book, I can close the book and put it back on the shelf. It is mine, my memory, my first kiss, my feelings, and something that I alone can cherish and remember. It was not meant to be, and the Lord had another path for me. I can appreciate that…and I can also appreciate the nugget of gold that the Lord gave me through this precious guy in my life too. Thank you, …., for being in my life. Rest in peace, my friend.