Recently a friend of mine was on the bus innocently going about her day when a gentleman got on and stood over her seat. As he was standing over her she noticed that his, ahem, man junk, was resting on her shoulder. At first she thought this might have been due to the slight crowding on the bus and perhaps the man didn’t realize that he was, as another friend put it, “tea bagging her arm.” That was her thought until she looked up at the grown man standing next to her to show her discomfort and he looked back at her and winked. She was disgusted and confused and it showed in the hilarious email she sent out to our group of friends.
“This is not the loving I want!! Dude knew that his balls were on my shoulder because once I realized that it was balls on my damn shoulder, I looked up at him and he raised his damn eyebrows at me and winked…
I need him to not be tea bagging my shoulder. I would appreciate it if he didn’t. I dunno if that’s the type of ball-body contact I was looking for, but ok…”
Later that day, she was on her way home and stopped at a vending machine to buy a ticket for the train, as she stood there purchasing her fare a man approached her and attempted to whisper something in her ear. At first she thought he might have been asking for a dollar or two, but she wasn’t sure because she couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. Finally after deciding that he most likely was looking for change, she was about to tell him she didn’t have anything for him when he repeated his statement and what he said prompted another hysterical email that provided me with today’s topic.
“So as I’m preparing to tell him sorry, he says a little louder…’just a couple of hours is all I need with you…I swear I’ll turn you out…what’s your name?’
Are you kidding me with this sh*t?!?!?
Is this the new age way of talking to women??? And then you gonna ask for my name?!?!!? Like I’m gonna actually tell you??? I swear, y’all lucky I can’t make the font on this iphone bigger to express my outrage!!!”
After I laughed myself straight off of my bed and into tears, I realized that she had a point. What in the world are some men thinking nowadays? These were not fresh off mother’s milk young boys who tried talking to her; these were grown men who should know better than to approach a woman like that. When did class and respect go out of the window and get replaced by crude, disrespectful and overly sexual behaviors? Are society and music videos to blame or are we as women to blame for feeding the assholes one too many times and giving off the appearance that we like, want and accept that kind of approach?
When a man approaches me there is no quicker way to turn me off than to come at me sideways and completely incorrect. I need a man that has poise and tact, who knows that I am a woman of value and pulls out some of his best stuff to grab my attention. It doesn’t have to be flashy or over the top, but it does need to include these basics….gentlemen take notes:
Be Respectful. The same way you would slap the taste out of the man that approached your little sister with a disrespectful remark, is the same way my uncles and cousins will slap the black off of you if you approach me like that. Approach a woman with respect; show her that you know her time is valuable, that she is valuable. Make her feel like a lady from the door and it can work wonders.
- Be Confident. Sure, as women we make it hard for you to approach us sometimes, we walk around with screw faces and put up fronts like we don’t have time to even think about buying whatever it is you may be selling, but if you’re confident in what you have to offer you should be up for the challenge (not saying that we’re right for behaving that way, but that’s another post) and confident enough to go for it.
- Be Funny. Most of the women I know love a man that can make them laugh. A tasteful and well placed joke can place a smile on even the hardest screw face and take down the walls just long enough for you to make a lasting impression.
- Be Genuine. Nothing is worse than a man that tries to play build me up buttercup by spouting off all the things on his fantasy wish list and pretending they are his own. Or a man who tries to come off as a tough guy when he’s really a laid back teddy bear. We would be liars if we said we didn’t like or want nice, expensive things or if we said we don’t all like the swag (that word just won’t die) of a bad boy every now and then, but what we truly want to get to know is the real you, not the person you think we want to see. So if you listen to more Jazz than Jay-Z, that’s okay as long as you’re staying true to you.
So ladies do you have anymore tips for the men? What’s the craziest line you’ve heard from a man trying to get your attention? Why do you think some men don’t approach women correctly anymore; is it the media’s fault or ours?