It is always interesting to note the varying characters one comes across during their time as a single person who’s actively dating. Dating gives us the opportunity to interview strangers, discovering their interests, desires, impulses and influences. If you date enough, or talk to your friends who are also dating enough, you begin to see recurring character themes along the way. In my experience, and in the experiences of my friends, I’ve found that of all the characters we come across while dating, five stand out as the most universally despised of the bunch. Let’s jump right in:

5. The Mama’s Boy

A mama’s boy is the kind of guy who is so cleaved to his mother’s hip that his relationship with her shapes his expectations and perceptions of the women he encounters. Dating a mama’s boy is difficult for women because not only will you have to compete with his mother for his time and affection, but should you win that competition, you’ll then have to replace her. He’ll often need pep talks about getting his life together, growing up and being a man. He will need to be coddled and have his hand held through each and every phase of the relationship—from where you’re going for dinner on Friday night, to where you’re going on your honeymoon. Men hate mama’s boys because they are at the root of this stereotype-infused  “chicken or egg” debate raging in and around the black community. Black women are stereotyped as angry, possessive and domineering and black men are stereotyped as emasculated, slightly effeminate, and constantly ordered around by the women in his life. So while I’m not interested in getting into that debate, I think we can all agree that real mama’s boys out there, who really are emasculated, effeminate and constantly ordered around by the women in their lives don’t do anything to help end it.

4. Ms. So Self-Conscious

I realize that life can be hard for women in America. Especially women of color.  Our conditioning is conditioned because we’re constantly bombarded with western standards of beauty. Despite this, the truth is, most black men like you just the way you are. Most of us don’t care how you wear your hair as long as you pull it off with style and grace and most of us would prefer to have a little something to hold on to than to not. More than that, in our hearts your looks will always be secondary to your character and personality. All of this is why it’s really difficult to deal with a woman who’s super self-conscious. I don’t mean the kind of woman who thinks she needs to lose five pounds; I mean the kind of woman who attaches all of her self-worth to how she is perceived by men. I mean the kind of woman who twists every single piece of dialogue into some sort of referendum on her overall attractiveness. For men, these women are hard to deal with because self-esteem issues usually breed trust issues, and issues around trust will always prevent a relationship from reaching its full potential. Women who aren’t this self-conscious hate women who are because these are the type of women you can’t trust around your man. If flirting and dressing inappropriately means she gets his attention – so be it. Ask any woman which friend she’s least likely to leave alone with her love and it’ll always be the one with the lowest self-esteem.

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  • ChezCerise

    The serial monogamist…yes…that’s me and I’ve known it for a loooong time. I never really thought anything bad about it until I started dating a serial monogamist. Now I’m just all confused. I look at him sometimes and think, “Man, is that me?”.

    We’ll see where it goes I guess.

  • It’s really interesting to to read how some women jump to the conclusion that if a man isn’t a mama’s boy he has issues with his mother- uuummm no. There is a huge difference between a mama’s boy, a man who has a good relationship with his mother, and a man who hates his mother. Please do not confuse the three.

    Consider yourself lucky if you do not have to deal with a mama’s boy or a clingy mother. I have learned that they are both deal breakers for me (meaning I will not marry someone with these issues).

  • Vee

    Yesssss, yes! The serial monogamist! I don’t trust people who hop from relationship to relationship and don’t know how to live without being tied to someone like that. That seems to spell out to me that I should be concerned about their personal growth and maturity. Emotional dependency is not a game….It’s like a leech! With human body parts!!!

  • sunshyne84

    What about bitter people?! They bring all their baggage to you trying to make you pick up where the last person left off minus whatever flaws they had. All the while you’re sitting there like hold on, we just met.

  • Wolfe

    This was a very nicely written article. I can’t stand men who need a mother in their girlfriends. Club scenes seem like a poorly-hidden scam to me, and a party girl’s lifestyle is exhausting. I laugh at “Dream Sellers.” However, I am a little confused as to why/how monogamous relationships can raise “red flags.” Maybe it’s the title “Serial Monogamist” that’s confusing me. Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call them “People Who Can’t Stand to Be Alone”?