The term “best friend” is typically reserved for a childhood friend or someone you have known for a quite awhile, share a bond with, and is also a source of unlimited support during the good times and the bad.

Having a best friend is something we all craved when we are younger. We wanted to have a partner in crime to experience things with, and as the years go by, the bond intensifies and the hope is that it will stay that way.

But as I advance into my thirties, I realize that the landscape of my character is changing and I am no longer the person I was in my early to mid-twenties. Certain things that I would normally overlook are getting harder to ignore, and my purposefulness and candor might be causing friction with the very best person who I believed I could be myself with more than anybody else. Suddenly you are no longer calling as often as you used to, swapping stories isn’t as much fun, and you think twice before inviting her to join you and a couple of “new” friends to hang. It’s almost like you’ve become strangers and that dependable familiarity slowly starts to fade away and then you wonder if she really is still your best friend.

I spoke to some girlfriends about their take on the best friend syndrome, and a lot of them echoed my sentiments. The need for a best friend sometimes wears thin as you get older and both your priorities change, and due to life’s way of forcing you on individual paths, you tend to grow apart.

Sometimes the changes are positive to the friendship, and even though there might be a slight interlude, you both can still remain closer than ever before. But there are those instances when, it becomes a challenge to maintain that level of consistency that brought you two together and you have to face the fact that you don’t actually have a best friend, you just have a friend. And maybe that’s okay too. As adults, you will meet plenty of people who will eventually become good friends so trying to hold on to the idea of a best friend no longer applies and becomes almost childish.

I guess that’s one of the casualties of being a grown up.

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  • Its funny how human beings are more alike than we are not, because I can TOTALLY relate to this article. I’ve also stopped using the word “Best” in front of friends as I’ve had two, only to realize that they really were not. No big blow ups or anything like that, things just fell apart. My childhood best friend moved away and naturally, we grew distant, and my other best friend showed me who she really was through a very suspect and questionable message. I do wish I had that ride or die, someone who I could share almost any and everything with. But you live, you learn, and you grow up. And thats the way, the cookie crumbles.

  • Appletree

    I have people that I used to call my best friend that I can’t stand and others are basically strangers. However I wouldn’t say that I don’t have any best friends, I do. I feel like every female needs that type of connection to another female. I call these girls my sister friends not best friends.

  • new moon

    I often times feel guilt about having changed, moved in a new life path , and basically outgrew my relationships with my best friends. I don’t call often because I really don’t feel the need to. She asked me to promise to call her once a month…I agreed. But really we have little in common anymore besides the experience of the working. I think the sooner I can understand that its okay to move in differant directions….that I’m not an insensitive broad when I just don’t care as much.
    I prefer, at this stage in my life, to surround myself with people who compliment who I have become (women & men). My sister friend is much older than me, and its a great relationship. This was a awesome article! Hit home.

  • LJF

    I have to admit, my “best friend” and I are no longer even in touch on a regular basis. I think we have completely outgrown each other as our lives have taken different paths and we no longer live near each other – in fact when she moved is definitely when the decline began. I felt bad initially about not really feeling bad about the “loss” of the friendship – but frankly I am too old and have to many other things and friends in my life to devote the energy and I suspect she feels the same and it’s just fine; I completely understand. I enjoyed the hell out of her when we were close and we just aren’t anymore.

    • sue

      I don’t know ladies i have had a best friend going over 25yrs. we talk at least once a week least 3 time a month. I haave other great friends 14-20 years and still going strong. You must be doing something wrong.