#trending

Supposedly Will and Jada have one.  Actress/Comedienne Mo’Nique flat out said she has one, and I’m sure there are numerous other people in the world with the discreet arrangement of an open relationship.  Now I’ve never been in an open relationship before, but from what I’ve heard and read it basically works like this: You and your partner can both screw around as long as you both know about the outside parties, children don’t become involved, diseases aren’t brought home and honesty, as well as all lines of communication between the two of you remain open.  Of course every situation varies and people add their own specific rules to the game, but when you read it the way I just described, open relationships don’t seem like such a bad idea.  I mean think about it, for many of us monogamous relationships don’t seem to get us very far and they usually end up in shambles because someone is lying and the lying usually involves cheating.  Open relationships eliminates the need to ‘cheat’ because essentially cheating is allowed and if you’re allowed to cheat, you don’t need to lie, and that takes care of two of the main reason monogamous relationships fail in one shot.  Sounds like heaven!

Not!

What about feelings?  What happens if you end up emotionally attached to someone you’re just supposed to be banging out, then what?  Then what was supposed to be such a blissfully simple arrangement gets complicated real quick.  What if one person has an outside lover and one doesn’t?  What if one person wakes up one morning and doesn’t want an open relationship any more?  There are just too many ‘what ifs’ for this to be a rational way to live life.  Outside of all the possible wrong scenarios, I just don’t think I could or want to share the man I’m with.  It may sound clingy or a bit possessive, but if we make a commitment to be together than you’re mine.  Not Suzy Q’s on the weekend and mine the rest of the week…mine 24/7/365 and I’m not sharing my toys.  Yet with every failed relationship, amicable split or not, I wonder if my ‘mine’ theory is really a good one.  Is there something to this open relationship thing that myself and others are missing?  Could this really work?

 

Could you be in an open relationship? 

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  • LaToya Higgins

    So after reading this article, I am hoping to post my situation and get some sound advice. I am 22, dating a 35 year old. He says that he doesn’t believe in monogamy because “it’s not in a man’s nature.” We are not an official couple or exclusively dating. However, he always tells me that I should not be touched by any other man other than him and that he finds out he will be very upset. But when I reverse that back to him, he tells me that no, he is a man and that his nature won’t allow him to be monogamous. But in the same breath, he will also say that he loves me and that I complete his life, blah blah blah. I want him to just commit, but I know that he won’t. I care about him a lot but I don’t know if I could be someone’s main chick. Also, I try to suppress my feelings for him at least that way I won’t become emotionally subjective to him, although, I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job at it. So I am looking for some sound advice, not someone to fussing at me. * sad face *

    • BeeYex174

      Really if he can’t be monagamous then you shouldn’t either. He is basically just running game with them tired lines.

  • LaToya Higgins

    So after reading this article, I am hoping to post my situation and get some sound advice. I am 22, dating a 35 year old. He says that he doesn’t believe in monogamy because “it’s not in a man’s nature.” We are not an official couple or exclusively dating. However, he always tells me that I should not be touched by any other man other than him and that he finds out he will be very upset. But when I reverse that back to him, he tells me that no, he is a man and that his nature won’t allow him to be monogamous. But in the same breath, he will also say that he loves me and that I complete his life, blah blah blah. I want him to just commit, but I know that he won’t. I care about him a lot but I don’t know if I could be someone’s main chick. Also, I try to suppress my feelings for him at least that way I won’t become emotionally subjective to him, although, I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job at it. So I am looking for some sound advice, not someone to fussing at me. * sad face * 

    • African Mami

      @LaToya Higgins,

      If you complete his life, why then can he not commit?! Hypocrite much. I hate to say this, but the age difference between ya’ll is having an effect in your relationship. He does not see you as an equal. More so, as a young woman who hasn’t lived much and can be controlled through manipulation. Be wary, of a man who always states ” I am man so ……”
      That’s not how it goes! To sum up all I just said, give him the boot and just do you. Oh mi gosh, Perveted Alchemist, I think you would do a great job at assessing this situation!

  • arlette

    @keys-piano
    people like you annoy the hell out of me. Omg who do you think you are being in an open relationship does not make your relationship superior to others ok lovey. People in monogamous relationships are not jealous, insecure people who cant keep their emotions in check. Do whatever and whoever you want to do but don’t think that your way of life is better than anyone elses.
    Ok since you have it all figured out what if your lover boy impregnated some girl (condoms are not 100% affective) and she does not want to have an abortion, what then?
    What if the person you are having sex with gets attached or god forbid falls in love with you and does not want to join your ménage et trois, what then, kick them to the curb and tell them to have more self-control?
    What if your partner grows tired of sleeping with other people and wants to be exclusive, tell them you’ve grown tired of them?
    Why is it people who are in these relationships always seem cold, mean and self-righteous?

    • keys_piano

      1.) Neither of us sleep with people who are anti-abortion. That is a pre-sex conversation, and we always use protection. If God forbid that happened, I guess we would have to accept it and figure out how to live with it.

      2.) We have both discussed the probability that when were done college we will probably shift into full monogamy. Again, something we will discuss when the time comes. We are each other’s first priority.

      Also, I’m not saying we are chronically dating a million people– I’ve been with 2 people and he’s been with 1, and we are more “theoretically” non-monogamous than practically. Busy people, school and whatnot.

      “People in monogamous relationships are not jealous, insecure people who cant keep their emotions in check.”

      People…are jealous, insecure and can’t keep their emotions in check, from what I’ve experienced in my short life. All I’m saying is that a monogamous relationship seems to romanticise those feelings, where as in an open one, you just can’t have those feelings and have a quality relationship.

  • Kit

    “…but when you read it the way I just described, open relationships don’t seem like such a bad idea.”

    Really?! Still sounds like a recipe for trouble to me.

  • @BeeYex174

    If your well hung, then you are dude #1, if you are piss poor with great ears, then you are dude #2, if you got money like the hairs on my head then you are dude #3. If you are neither of the categories specified-we have no business talking to each other.

    @ Patrick Pete

    Thanks papi! What’s your category? *wink wink*