A very good friend of mine in her early thirties should probably be thinking about settling down according to the social mores that some of us internalize. But she is simply not ready to commit to anything serious and this could be due to the fact that the men she has had serious relationships have in some way let her down and of course an absentee father doesn’t help matters. But she is confidently sexy, intelligent, charming and witty and has a challenging time fighting off the guys that flock to her side when we hit the hotspots. She enjoys the idea of wading freely in the dating pool without swimming the home stretch and tries to make that known to the men she spends her time with. But sometimes the waters can get murky and we all know how the male species act up when they are not getting their way.

My girlfriend this past summer decided she probably needed to try to give a certain guy a chance that she felt could be a real “potential”. They managed to hang on for about four months and then the tired routine and uninspired weekends gave way to restlessness and my friend was ready for hunting season again. Much to the chagrin of her jilted lover, she posted a pic of her and her much younger HOT stud having the time of their lives on Facebook. All of a sudden the die was cast and all the men she had “broken bread” with were in an uproar. The messages ranged from mildly insulting to downright attack mode. But the real disturbing element to all of this was the reference to the derogatory term “hoe”. She received a number of text messages from a couple of scorned men from her past including her not so dated conquest labeling her a “hoe” for taking them for a ride by pretending to be unattached while all the while she was having a fling with a sexy younger man.

It’s interesting that women who do the exact same thing their male counterparts do on a smaller scale are instantly seen as loose and uncontrollable. Needless to say she was hurt and appalled but not surprised.

It figures that when women don’t conform to the qualities associated with being a dutiful and faithful girlfriend they are instantly dismissed as whores but guys seem to be able to have all the fun they want and there is no term insulting enough to make them cower.

How do you feel about this nagging double standard?

– Ezinne Ukoha

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