There’s nothing worse than a man with no rhythm in the bedroom. And usually, I’m more than willing to instruct my lovers how to stroke me properly. But there are occasions that I really just want them to get it right the first time, and not hump me like they’re descendents of a dog species.

I’ve had gorgeous lovers, many in perfect shape, extremely athletic, and flexible. But for some strange reason, they get in the bed and their hips only know one motion: back and forth super rapidly without stopping. In most cases, women’s vaginal muscles do not respond forcefully to one motion during sex. And thus, we end up bored, counting the seconds until he climaxes instead of focusing on our own orgasms.

So I feel the need to have a conversation with our men. Because good heterosexual sex takes joint focus on two genders’ needs. You can’t just hump women like jack rabbits, and then ask why our faces looked dead when you use our vaginas like lab receptacles. We’re not your semen dumping grounds. You should just rub a nut and watch a porno flick if you’re going to be self-centered.

Stroking is an art. It’s power lies in spontaneity, different levels of speed, various depths, and most importantly, rhythm. A good stroke is spontaneous because it will keep the woman guessing, speed up to activate the many points that bring her pleasure, slow down to provide a crescendo into exploring her depths, and yet still feel like a beautiful rhythm that you’ve composed through your head.

It’s not enough to simply give us monotone humps, and expect a porn star reaction. If you want a woman to moan, shake, and naturally tighten her vaginal muscles, it’s a requirement to constantly work on your stroke. You can do it the formal way, and take a Kundalini strengthening class. Or you can simply be intuitive and communicative, feeling her body’s response to your movements and asking her sincerely how different strokes feel. But don’t just ask as an attempt to feed your ego.

Once you’ve got the stroke down, you can add small touches like gently massaging her clitoris or sucking her toes, all while you keep your rhythm. But without the good stroke, none of these extras will compensate. Master the basic ingredients, and then add the icing. We both want to enjoy the intense sensations that come with creating a delectable session of good sex.

I love men. I love the way they look, the variety in their builds, and the way their touch can feel strong and gentle all at the same time. I love when they’re vulnerable, eager to please, and willing to perfect the use of what the Creator has already gifted them. And I say all of the above because I want every man to strive for his potential as a sexual partner. I want him to explore his body’s complexities along with the intricacies of women’s bodies. Good sex requires dedication to self-improvement. And there’s no reason for anyone to settle for mediocre, one-sided sex when two-partnered bliss awaits.


What constructive criticism can we provide our men for better stroking and better sex? Tread gently. Speak on it. 

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  • Rian

    I was just having this conversation with an ex lover today. This article and recent conversation encouraged me to analyze my preferred stroke and my ability to communicate it. I thought about my most recent lover and I remember distinctively asking him to change it up and he said that’s the way he likes to do it and will not change…however now this is the same man who complains that I do not call him anymore… There has to be a willingness to learn, share, and explore for both parties involved.

  • Joe

    My girl thinks my stroke is weak I’m 19 she’s 22 she’s had more partners than me and I lack experience any help?

    • Phil
    • jim murphy

      Ever think of a dildo or a surugate to show her a great experience.

    • Coste Shordy

      Haha when I was 19 lol life hahahaha. This shit is hilarious !!! Glad I no longer have these problems. For the record she was great practice and Jim Murphy your a weirdo bruh nobody will ever fuck my girl. A little advice guys , practice makes perfect.

  • Michael

    Great article!! Definitely has boosted my confidence for my next time!

  • Well, I’m not going to take this personally, since I’m a) a virgin and b) probably more capable as I am now than most men my age (24,) but this sound EXTREMELY biased; why is it men have to be psychics and just FEEL this kind of stuff out? I understand maybe some women out there were raised, believing in Mr. Right who is also perfectly attuned to himself, but facts are facts. Men come in all shapes and sizes, and as such they all have different understandings of themselves and the people around them, and most are willing to work with you women on making the experience more enjoyable, but when you make it seem like we are your toy and you are a Collector’s Model, it makes it hard for any man to be enthusiastic.

    • Brandon

      My man, did we read the same article? Nowhere in this article did she think we as men are sexual tools that should only be concerned about how the woman feels. She just expressed her desire for men to pay more attention the same way most women do for us. And dude, your response shows that you are clearly a virgin lol. Hasn’t any one told you that the woman is always right, even when she is wrong? This holds especially true in bed. Yes, of course you ARE supposed to “FEEL this kind of stuff out”. That’s the difference between a man who has women come back to him for more sex and a dude who has women that will quit having sex with him after one time/inexperienced dudes/…well, virgins. The FACTS are all of this stuff can be learned through resources like books/the internet and through more sexual experience, just like any other learned or practiced skill in life. Hope you take the time to do the right things with your first partner.