Ask any woman if she has high dating standards, and nine times out of 10 she with enthusiastically say yes. She even may run off a list of accomplishments she’s met (educated, good job, well-traveled) and say she wanst a man who has done the same, but many times, while we may demand damn-near perfection from our partners we end up settling for utter foolishness.

This morning, I was reading a post about giving “passes” in relationships and if people would actually give their partner a one-time pass to cheat. After listening to radio callers debate the issue, what the writer found was interesting:

The very idea is absolutely ludicrous to me, as it was to many, but there was a small percentage that said they would or had taken advantage of this…and surprisingly, both were women. The men emphatically stated, NO, they wouldn’t give nor take a hall pass, which further cements that when a man REALLY loves a woman, he doesn’t want to share her. The women, however, seemed to be gravitating toward this “tolerance” in order to fulfill an idea that it’s what a man would really want or what would happen anyway. It really made me think, while some women are bargaining and lowering their standards to get/keep a man, some men are actually holding themselves to higher standards and giving that to the women who demand it.

Lately, I’ve been in several conversations with men and women about relationships. I’ve had several men attempt to lay the responsibility for their questionable behavior at the feet of women saying, “If y’all would demand better, we’d step up.”

While I’m not totally convinced that simply “demanding  better” from trifling men would magically turn them into Prince Charmings (I definitely called b.s. on that), the principle of setting high expectations and actually sticking to them is valid.

How many times has you or your friend claimed you’ll never let a man do X,Y, or Z, only to look up and be in a relationship with a man doing exactly that? Why is holding ourselves accountable to our own standards such a difficult task?

Despite wanting to be loved, respected, and appreciated, many women who claim to have high standards find themselves experiencing the exact opposite. But why?

Do you have high dating expectations? Are you holding potential partners to them?

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  • Socially Malasjusted

    This one’s easy.

    The men were lying or are very young and immature or the kinds of lames who probably never score anyway.

    The women who had given or recieved passes had been in real relationships that were challenged by infidelity and perhaps survived it.

    All kinds things arise that challenge a relationship and surviving them is one way of estimating whether you have a good one, rooted in something real or a pretend one that’s just for show.

    smh – sigh

    It has nothing whatsoever to do with somebody “lowering their standards” to keep trifling men”.

    Did the men who forgave, lower their standards to keep trifling women?

    Furthermore who’s lowering their standards? if you’re in it,

    that’s your standard, It’s the best YOU can do.

    Life is about compromise, rolling with the knocks,

    if you stand rigid you’ll end up broken.

    • OSHH

      There is a difference between making an honest mistake, that unintentionally hurt’s someone which is human, and just plain trifling selfish behavior.

    • Socially Maladjusted


      well you have the option to not be a “victim” of “trifling selfish behaviour”. Personally I prefer to leave promiscuous women alone rather than expect them to change for me and get mad when they don’t.

  • Do most women have standards? Are we instilling them into younger generations. It seems to be a taboo conversation in the area of relationships/sex/marriage/dating that is sorely missed.

  • ms_micia

    I find it particularly telling that this article only has ten comments. Things that make you go hmmmm. You must hold the standards you expect. I heard a wise woman once say…you don’t get what you want in life…you get what you expect. Until you get to the root of what is making you settle for less than what it is you truly want…relationships and otherwise in life in general. You must know what you want and accept NOTHING LESS. It’s easier to blame than to take accountability. Some people find it easier than self examination. If you’re not happy in your life, relationship what have you…you are the beginning and end of the problem. You want better, DEMAND better. Period. From the people in your life as well as yourself.

  • binks

    Yes to both questions. You can’t hope for what you want but have to take steps in getting what you want. I have seen countless if relationships like this and simply refuse to be in it if I am doing everything to meet your standards you damn better meet mines in return