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Why when you’re in the throws or on the crux of entering into a new relationship do you get that dreaded but inevitable telephone call, email, Facebook, or Skype from your ex-‘why’?  We all have an ex –‘why’ ladies, as in “Why did I ever get with you,” and these men differ greatly from your ex. Follow me?

There must be some vibrational frequency that you emit into the universe that says, “I am happy. I’m on the cusp of falling in love again. This one might be the one cause I’m loving how he’s loving me, and everything in my wonderful, beautiful life is just peachy. So fabulous, in fact, that I’m walking on sunshine every single day….” Then BOOM, like a cataclysmic collision in the ethos your ex –‘why,’ like the hound that he is, picks up on said frequency (dogs do have hyper-sensitive hearing, but who knew  they could tap into the sound of you doing just fine without them) but ‘why’s” always did have the uncanny ability to fuck shit up when things are otherwise going so damn swell.

You did not recognize his number because you deleted it from your Blackberry and your memory months, or even years ago. So you answer, and then the Earth ceases to orbit the sun for a nano of a millisecond that seems like eternity, when you hear “It’s me baby” on the other end. No announcement of his name, no apology (just yet), just a paltry fucking, “It’s me baby.” Even without the assertion of his name you know who it is, because this is the only fool on the planet who is narcissistic enough and filled with so many delusions of grandeur that his mind would even think that it’s cool to call your number again, particularly on the grounds in which your relationship ended and greet you with, “It’s me baby.”

You keep your cool, and muster up a dry hello, but are thinking of slamming the phone down on that bastard’s ear. But then you think that wouldn’t be nice, and it shows that you’re not capable of being mature and handling this situation with a bit more dignity. Your internal dialog is telling you, ”If I slam the phone down that shows that I am still angry, and not over my ex-‘why’.”  Not to mention, you don’t want to miss briefly,  but nonchalantly, catching him up on your new boo thang who is everything to you that this numskull did not have the ability to be.

He moves to apologize, a verbal attempt to rectify the wrongs he did, and you know what, it feels good to hear, but it ain’t enough. Why’s are usually a day late and a dollar short that way. You hear in his voice that this act of contrition is genuine…(as much as genuine can be for a ‘why’)…but you sigh, inhale, exhale and release, and say, “I accept your apology.” Taking the high road, and not laying into him, was the adult thing to do. Congratulations for not resulting to reality television antics on his ass and remaining a lady.

But the truth is, the apology provided closure in a way. You forgive, but you don’t forget, and you damn sure aren’t a fool by allowing the conversation to go any further than that. Be thankful and let Blue Ivy’s mama’s lyrics resonate through your head. “Thank God you blew it, Oh thank God I dodged the bullet, I’m so over you, Baby good lookin’ out!”

Going through the machinations of dating can be arduous. Our taste in men as we grow into our womanhood can change a great deal during the course of our lives.  But sometimes it takes a brush with the devil’s spawn himself, or perhaps just a couple of really narcissistic, unreasonably self-absorbed jerks to fully solidify in our minds what it is we will not accept. So here is a big shout out to all the ex ‘why’s’ in the universe. Thank the Lord for showing yo’ ass and showing your true colors. Life would not be this swell if you did not come into our lives to teach the lesson, that only you could teach! Deuces.

So, who is your ex-‘why’? Have you received that dreaded agonizing phone call? How did you react? Did you give him a piece of your mind, or hear him out? Let’s have some girl chit-chatter

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