From Frugivore — Time and time again, there’s been a debate between fitness experts and fat-positive activists on whether or not fatness is a detriment to achieving an amazing sex life. Of course, anyone can have “good” sex, as the term “good” is relative to individual definition. But to achieve that toe-curling, orgasm-inducing, long lasting, almost-unable-to-breath sex, it does take a certain level of fitness that extra weight can prevent people from attaining.

For men, cardiovascular fitness is an essential factor in preventing erectile dysfunction, which is sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain a penis erection during sexual performance. Obese men are at increased risk for developing erectile dysfunction, and male excess abdominal fat has also been cited as a characteristic associated with ED. In regular speech, a man’s ability to “get and keep it up,” often depends on his heart health, physical activity, and weight. And thus, his health can influence the sexual gratification of both himself and his partner.

Duke University researchers found that up to 30% of obese people who sought help in controlling their weight made the decision due to a decrease in their libido, sex, drive, and/or sexual performance. A recent study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy also indicated that moderately to severely obese people report being less satisfied with their sex lives than the general population. It could be because of unrealistic standards of body image promoted by the media and wider public; thus impacting self-confidence and performance. Or it could simply be because of pure biology and the lack of fitness initiative that many overweight and obese people fail to consistently perform.

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  • Tonton Michel

    “fat-positive activists” You learn something new everyday.

  • Men really do have the short end of the stick when it comes to sex. Women on the other hand have longer orgasms the fatter we are.

    • jamesfrmphilly

      my stick is not short……

  • notCAMERAshy

    My bestie who is obese only dates thin guys because she claims it’s difficult for 2 fat people to have sex. She also disclosed to me that it is hard to properly wipe herself and that during a sexual incounter, she got his clothes “dirty”.

    • Mr. Man

      What the…!!!???!!

    • Does she wash herself with a rag on a stick?

    • Tonton Michel

      OK that last part as TMI.

    • skippy

      See it’s comments like that that make it hard to not be an obeseist.

    • sli

      Seems like it’s also difficult for one fat person to have sex. Your friend doesn’t need to be dating anybody until she learns how to clean herself. And you need to tell her that, too. Eew and uh-uh!

    • notCAMERAshy


      @N’jaila, it’s a problem when you have to use a rag on a stick.

    • binks

      Freaking dead at this comment…wtf

    • LemonNLime

      Ewwww! So it is OK for her to not want to date other obese people but she is so large she can’t clean herself? That is disgusting.

    • Enel

      WTF!? What kind of…ew, nevermind.

      I actually laughed out loud a little bit when reading the original post by notcamerashy, but the responses made it even funnier. lol

  • Casey B

    No, being fat will not ruin your sex-life. Believing people who tell you that you are not sexy regardless of your size will ruin your sex-life. Having hang-ups and mental blocks will ruin your sex-life. Not being active may make it difficult to keep up your stamina. Not being flexible can make it hard to try new positions. Bad communication skills will ruin your sex life.

    But being fat in and of itself, will not ruin your sex life. Trust me ;)

    You can be fat and active, flexible, confident in bed, in touch with your body and your desires, communicative, and have really, really hot sex.

  • @Casey, word!

    Uhm, seriously, what the f-?

    “But to achieve that toe-curling, orgasm-inducing, long lasting, almost-unable-to-breath sex, it does take a certain level of fitness that extra weight can prevent people from attaining.”

    That’s some BS if I ever heard it. I am fat, and the sex I have and have had has been just as orgasm-inducing, long lasting, and all that other tripe listed above.

    Once again, this magazine continues to disappoint with its ignorance, spitting out BS as if it’s FACT and perpetuating the cycle of self-loathing and shame that SO MANY black women have because we are constantly told that we are not good enough. We are always being told that BLACK WOMEN ARE THE FATTEST IN THE WORLD AND HOW DARE THEY HAVE SELF ESTEEM, THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS CONDONING OBESITY!!!!! – even by our OWN media sources – to shame us into believing that our acceptance or happiness with our bodies (whether we identify as “thick” or “voluptuous” or “curvy” or just FAT) is WRONG, because BEING FAT MEANS THAT YOU’RE NOT NORMAL AND EVERYONE ELSE IS BETTER THAN YOU, is just perpetuating that foolishness. And now you guys have the audacity to quote some website claiming that fat people cannot POSSIBLY have mind-shattering sex because of their bodies AS IF IT IS FACT?

    Seriously? A mag for women, spitting out women hatred?



      Sorry girl but it’s NOT normal to be fat, or too thin…but def not fat. Most fat women who had the choice would rather be a smaller size, there’s nothing cute about being obese!! Or normal either. Would never want my kids to be fat, and I’m sure you wouldn’t either. Nothing wrong with having self esteem, but be honest – you would be better w/o the extra weight!

    • NOTRIGHT, since you don’t know me, I’m just going to have to be blunt and tell you to stand down. Seriously, ma, the voice of many does not speak for ALL, as you should well know if you are a reader of this magazine. To tell me what I would and would not prefer for myself and my kids is sheer ignorance. That’s like saying BLACK PEOPLE HAVE IT SO HARD, THEY WOULD BE BETTER IF THEY WERE WHITE!

      Um, pu-lease.

      To the person talking about someone having trouble wiping themselves, and the idiots who are so IGNORANT that they assume that all fat people have the same experience as one ridiculous example, you should ALSO stand down.

      To say that “fat is not normal” is ridic. If it wasn’t normal, then there wouldn’t be so many fat people. REGARDLESS of how they got fat – diet, lack of exercise, genetics, disease, limited access to certain nutrients, WHATEVER – to deny their normality and say they aren’t NORMAL is so f-ing preposterous, I am quite shocked that you even know how to turn on a computer.

      To say something is not “cute” is valid, and I’ll concede that that is YOUR opinion and will not resort to calling you out on your personal beliefs, although I would beg to differ seeing as how there are so many ABNORMAL fat people who are in relationships themselves, some of them are even married and have children and have successful careers and businesses and lives in general but, OF COURSE, since you say they aren’t normal, and idiots who think similar to you think they have a right to tell people that are fat that the things they have would be SO MUCH BETTER if they weren’t fat… well, I must be a liar.

      Let’s ask Oprah if she is abnormal. According to the ignorant comments throughout this post, apparently Oprah, and all other fat women the world over, have to wipe their vaginas with a stick. Right? Or we can bypass Oprah as being an anomaly and jump right on in to the LOADS of fat women on Forbes’ World’s 100 Most Powerful Women list right HERE I bet they think they are abnormal, too, and also have difficulties wiping their vaginas. Right? Your own “logic” here, after all.

      It is so BAFFLING to me how so many black folks are QUICK to jump on any bandwagon that condones discrimination, especially when it comes to appearance. But Calliope FORBID someone say “black women aren’t as attractive as white women, they should think about getting plastic surgery to tone down their African features” and sisters will JUMP ALL OVER THAT.

      SO WHAT if you think being fat is gross? SO WHAT if you (mistakenly) believe all fat people are unhealthy (which, again, is ignorant. how do you know what someone’s health is like without looking at their medical information? that’s like looking at black people and immediately making an assessment that they are stupid or didn’t go to college or have been in jail by virtue of them being black – IGNORANCE. fat does not immediately equal unhealthy, just like thin does not automatically equal healthy, just like white does not automatically equal pretty and black does not always equal GHETTO). You have every right that Calliope gave you to think and feel how you want to. But when you start spitting that BS as FACT, or trying to tell ME what MY experiences are and/or could never be, or to question why i would take my clothes off to have sex… WTF? How do you get to decide that for me? How does anyone?

      It doesn’t even make sense.

      If I flipped the script and changed FAT to BLACK, and came on here spitting this same garbage that I see here (“Sex drive should be the last thing on a fat person’s mind” — um, WTF? Not only do you get to decide, by glancing at me, that I am unhealthy, you also get to tell me what to THINK ABOUT?? LMAO!!!!!!! Jog on.), people would be UP IN ARMS. Or how about we change it to GAY or TRANS or MIXED HERITAGE? There are a MULTITUDE of reasons why people are fat BEYOND “indulge in food”, and regardless of if a person CHOOSES to be fat or has some condition that causes them to gain weight, HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT than some white women getting to decide that, HEY, SINCE BLACK PEOPLE ARE ALL POOR AND STUPID, THE LAST THING THEY SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT IS SEX!

      Because, you know, you should think about the hardships of being black all the time, the rest of the things that affect your life don’t mean SH–!



      Lol there’s one CRUCIAL flaw in your argument…fat and black is not even close to being comparable! I was born Black, there are genetic markers that make it beyond my control. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR WEIGHT!!! You seriously would prefer your children to be overweight?? Wow, child abuse, why would u wish that on any child?? And Oprah has struggled with her weight, but she ALWAYS talks about getting healthy and as of late she has NOT been fat!! Being fat is NOT normal, it doesn’t matter that some ppl suffer from it, the MAJORITY OF THE WORLD IS NOT FAT NOR ASPIRES TO BE SO AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!! I guarantee you 98% of fat ppl would be normal weight if they could make it so without work…but it takes work and will power. And what does the Forbes list prove? Cuz a bunch of fat ppl are rich I’m supposed to condone it? Girl, bye.

    • Saying that all fat people lack willpower is false. Take it from me I’m fat and my willpower almost killed me. I wanted to be “normal” as well. So in college I worked out 3 hours a day and wouldn’t eat more than 1000 cals a day, then it was 800 cals, then 500, then 300, then I just drank tea with artificial sweater, then I just drank water. This went on for months. My hair fell out, I had fainting spells, but I was still hitting that gym and trying to be NORMAL.

      Until one day I starting pissing blood, and had to be rushed to the e.r because my organs were failing. I was sick for months. I almost died and you know what the lowest weight I ever got down to? 203 pounds. At 5’9 that’s far from skinny. But I lost my hair, my relationship, friends and the second half of a semester of college trying to be normal and have the “will power” to be thin.

      Well you can take your will power and shove it. I choose to be alive.


      And moreover Black is race with cultures and histories and reasons to be prideful. The politicizing of The African phenotype and colorism and ultimately the oppression and resilience of my ancestors are a reason to be proud. There is no history, culture of oppression of fat people. There are concrete benefits to being within a normal weight range and very real and dire consequences to being overweight. Be proud of your history, be proud of your family, be proud of your beauty, but know that being overweight does not in any way contribute to your beauty or health. I wasn’t tryna be insulting but I do realize my comments may have come off as judgemental and flippant but I just see so many women in our community defending the choice to be overweight and it’s no bueno. Heart disease, high cholesterol and stroke are MAJOR KILLERS IN OUR COMMUNITY AND THR BIG PHARMACEUTICALS ARE MAKING BIG DOUGH OFF OF THIS!!


      @njaila I feel for you, I really do, sounds like a frightening situation. There may be biological reasons posing an obstacle there. However crash dieting is not healthy and has been proved to be detrimental. Not trying to insult you but that is not a healthy way to go about dieting and probably worked against your favor, but that’s no reason not to continue working out and trying to keep your body health.

    • Socially Maladjusted


      . . . there’s one CRUCIAL flaw in your argument…fat and black is not even close to being comparable!

      Nuff said

      whenever someone compares being black to some social abberation my gaurd goes right up.

      Are they trying to say blackness is the “deviancy” which validates all DEVIANCIES?

      thus – since black people are an “abberation” that we’re told to tolerate – we should tolerate other “deviations” from the norm, including the deviancies that people choose.

      We should accept all abberations as equal to being black and if not then black people shouldn’t be accepted.

      f uck off.

      don’t twist the black experience make it comparable to being overweight.

      Go lose some damn weight –


    • I had an eating disorder, that wasn’t a diet. I never stopped trying to be healthy and eat healthy. The thing is I’ve never been thin. I was a dancer and have a lot of muscle mass so even when I was “small” ( For me about a size 16) I still weight a good bit. The thing was I never as fat as when I stopped focus on being healthy to being normal sized or thin.

      You can’t judge a person by their outer appearance. I was a lot healthier when I was “fat” but no one cared because I wasn’t slim. Now I’ll never be either.

    • bestseller

      purplekeychain, I have to say that it is great that you are confident, but obesity is not for anyone. Im not trying to hurt you, but I think women have to stop advocating obesity as sexy. Over 50% of bw being obese, that’s not a good thing. Excessive weight takes away from natural beauty.

    • Socially Maladjusted

      don’t twist the black experience make it comparable to being overweight

      should read

      don’t twist the black experience by making it comparable to being overweight